


Wonderland

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, Green Day, Homeless Gospel Choir (Band), My Chemical Romance, Reggie and the Full Effect, Taking Back Sunday
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Blind Date, Coming Out, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Good Old Fashioned Fucking, Hidden Feelings, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of terminal illness, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Straight Sex, hidden sexuality, set up date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-24 15:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20360731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Gerard is best friends with Frank but hides the fact that he thinks of Frank in more ways than any best friend probably should.Frank is a ladies man, totally straight and completely unattainable for the very gay Gerard. But that doesn't stop him from crushing on Frank. If anything, that makes Gerard wish that he could have him more, but that will never happen in a million years and he knows this. Frank is just completely out of Gerard's league and really, this is something that Gerard knows he should be getting over if he ever wants to move on and form any sort of relationship with someone.But something happens to Frank. Something makes forgotten memories come back to him. Memories that he had long forgotten about to stop himself from hurting. Stop himself from getting hurt again. These long forgotten memories, his denial, will Frank finally accept it? Or will he bury it all down again because accepting who he really is and who he really wants isn't something that he has thought about in a very long time.A story about coming out, love, life, death and acceptance.





	1. All Because Of A Jacuzzi

_Everything will be okay in the end._  
_If it's not okay, it's not the end._  
_John Lennon_

"You would not believe the girl I met last night," Frank started, sitting down on the couch next to Gerard. It felt more like he had flopped down onto the couch as he bumped into Gerard by accident. Somehow, in the process, he managed not to spill any of the contents of the two mugs of coffee that he had been holding onto tightly, "She really was something else."

"Really?" Gerard asked, trying to show some form of interest in what Frank was saying. This was him being a true friend, listening to his best friend talking about some girl even though girls did not float Gerard's boat or even get his gears turning at all.

"She was..." Frank started after handing one of the mugs of coffee to Gerard. He took a sip of his drink, pondering on the right words to say that would best describe this girl who he had gone and met at a club last night. The girl who had taken him back to her place before things got more than interesting for him very quickly, "She really was special."

"Well, I'm happy for you." Gerard smiled while he brought his mug of coffee up to his lips. He sipped, wincing at the heat of the drink. Somehow Frank seemed to have a knack for making drinks insanely hot. It was the kind of heat that Gerard could never get from his local Starbucks, even when he asked for his coffee to be extra hot. Gerard had no idea how Frank could do it and Frank just claimed that it was a skill he had kept from when he used to work in a coffee shop while he was studying at college.

"I don't believe in love at first sight," Frank continued on, remembering the blonde haired girl from the club last night. She had been the kind of stunning that had caught his attention while he propped up the bar, waiting for someone to do what she had done to him, "Her tits were out here."

Gerard raised an eyebrow at that. Frank was proving to him just how big the girl's breasts were by holding his hands out in front of his chest. If he wasn't over exaggerating then yes, they were big, but Gerard wasn't a breast guy. He was more of a _what swings between the legs _kind of guy. He was more of a gay guy and Frank had no idea that his best friend was gay.

Gerard had neglected to tell Frank about his sexuality in their god knows how long friendship. Gerard couldn't even begin to remember a time when he didn't have to pretend when it came to his sexuality. It had just happened because Gerard had been scared about admitting who he was to his new best friend back when they were in college together. He never wanted to scare Frank off, even though sometimes Gerard did wonder how on earth the two of them had become best friends in the first place.

It had happened from the moment when the coffee machine in the art block was out of order. Gerard had been so desperate for his favourite cup of caffeine that he went on the hunt for another coffee machine on campus. There had been one in the main cafeteria so he went there and was finally able to get himself a coffee. His coffee which went well with the cigarette he had outside the main cafeteria. That had been when Frank walked into his life, asking to borrow a lighter. Frank had been the one who tried to make small talk before they stuck together. Gerard had never set out to make new friends. He believed that he had enough of them. But Frank walked into his life and from then on, on that fateful day, they became inseparable, even though they were like two peas from separate pods. Through college they stayed friends and even after they left, they remained friends through everything. Gerard didn't see it as a bad thing, him and Frank still being friends after so many years, it was just the fact that they were two very different people. Two different personalities that should have clashed. Gerard was this quiet, somewhat reclusive kind of guy while Frank was the kind of guy who revelled in and loved human contact. He was the party goer and did more girls than he could remember. Frank was the polar opposite of Gerard yet they still worked. Gerard couldn't figure out how they had remained friends for so long. Maybe opposites attracted but in a friendship way. The good thing was that Gerard didn't want anyone else to be his best friend. Frank was his and all he could ever want in a friend.

"Did I really travel all this way to come and hear you talk about who you had sex with last night?" Gerard winced again as he took another sip on his coffee, forgetting just how hot the drink was, making him wonder how the hell it was staying so insanely hot for so long, "It was a long drive from my place...including traffic."

"What makes you think I had sex with her?" Frank questioned, feigning shock for Gerard suggesting that he would ever have done such a thing.

And of course, Frank knew what he was like himself. He had had sex with the girl that he had informed Gerard about. He had had sex with her in her jacuzzi in her back garden of all places. The fact that she alone had a jacuzzi was enough to have Frank at the point of considering calling her back to hook up with her again just because she had this amazing thing in her back garden that he had never used before. That had been fun. Much more fun than trying to squeeze into a bath to have sex with someone. He had her number and Frank really was thinking about calling her back just because she had a jacuzzi. Calling a girl back was something that Frank never usually did, but he was willing to make an exception this time around.

"I know you, Frank," Gerard pointed out, looking him square in the eyes, "You slept with her. She probably gave you her phone number for you to call her on so you guys could _hang out _again. But let me guess...you accidentally lost it."

"Wrong," Frank declared triumphantly, stuffing his hand inside his jeans pocket to pull out a crumpled up piece of paper, showing it to Gerard to prove him wrong, "I have her number," He smiled while he unfolded the piece of paper, flashing it to Gerard, showing him the number with the name _Janey _written above it.

"Why did you keep this one?" Gerard pushed curiously. It was unlike Frank to keep a girl, let alone her number. He wasn't exactly the kind of guy who hung around for any sort of feelings to be caught. Commitment was something that Frank wasn't a fan of, so him holding onto the number really did take Gerard by surprise.

"She has a jacuzzi," Frank smiled cheekily before he winked at Gerard.

Gerard could only imagine what that meant for Frank and in all honesty, he didn't want to consider any of that while he was sat next to his friend on the couch.

"So you had sex with a girl because she has a jacuzzi? Good for you, buddy," Gerard half-heartedly congratulated Frank even though he didn't think that Frank sleeping with yet another girl that he was surely not going to bother contacting again, even if she did have a jacuzzi, was something that was worth the congratulations.

"She had her clit pierced too," Frank added far too casually for Gerard's liking, not even batting an eye at his friend who promptly choked on his coffee, "Never seen one of those before. Drove her wild when I went down on her."

"Frank-" Gerard coughed on his coffee, mopping up the dribble of beverage from his chin, "You can't say that!"

"What?" It's not like I've just admitted to you that I've got my dick pierced," Frank said just as casually as he had done moments before.

Gerard choked on his coffee for the second time in less than a minute, setting his mug down on the coffee table in front of him in fear of Frank saying something else that was going to make him spill the rest of his drink everywhere.

It wasn't that Gerard was embarrassed. Gerard wasn't the kind of person to get easily embarrassed. Maybe he was a little embarrassed right now, but it wasn't like he was thinking about Frank and what was hidden away in his jeans right this very second.

Maybe he had thought about it before, but this wasn't something that he thought about when he was sat right next to Frank. Gerard usually thought about how handsome Frank was or how infectious his laugh was or how his smile was so perfect when it was aimed at him. When the thought of his dick passed through Gerard's mind he was never with Frank and he made sure that those thoughts stayed locked away in his presence.

However, Gerard tried not to think about it too much. Gerard may have liked Frank more than anyone should like their best friend, but Frank was his straight best friend who really did have far too much sex. Gerard knew that he shouldn't have felt this way about his friend, but this was Frank he was talking and thinking about a lot of the time so really, he couldn't help himself. Every time Frank's hazel eyes looked directly at Gerard he would feel like he was fighting a war inside his own head. His friendship and his itty bitty kind of huge crush on Frank fighting it out in a messy brawl of emotions.

"Bloody hell, Frank," Gerard gasped when he finally recovered from choking on his coffee for the second time.

"Why would anyone want to get their junk pierced?" Frank asked, not directing the question at Gerard. Just putting it out there into the ethos while he drank his coffee, licking his top lip, unaware of the blush that was creeping up on Gerard's cheeks, spreading to his ears, "I wouldn't want a needle going near my dick. I use my dick. I'm pretty fond of it."

"Frank, please. Stop," Gerard begged insistently and finally, Frank listened to his plea.

"Sorry," He feebly apologised, "But yeah. I banged her."

"Good for you, buddy," Gerard sighed as he patted Frank on the shoulder, "I'm so glad that you could stop having sex in a jacuzzi so we could hang out this weekend."

"Anything for you, Gee. It's been far too long since you've been back home," Frank smiled, wrapping an arm around Gerard's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug, "How have you been anyway?"

"Good, good," Gerard nodded, "Work has been keeping me busy. Mom and dad are fine. How're your parents?"

"Mom's the usual," Frank smirked as he pictured the last time he visited her. Her miniature cat ornament collection was slowly but surely growing and she was consistently asking him the same old question. _You're twenty-eight now. When are you going to find yourself a nice young lady to settle down with and start a family? _Frank never did answer her question. He always found a way to divert her attention. This was something that he really didn't want to go into with his mother, "Dad's just had surgery. He's fine though. Stupid heart."

"What happened?" Gerard asked worryingly, knowing exactly how Frank felt when it came to his father. He adored him, yet Frank spoke far too casually about it like nothing was wrong, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Frank nodded, "He just had a minor heart attack and had a stent put in. Even you know that it takes a hell of a lot to knock an Iero down. He's fine now. Just recovering."

Gerard looked at Frank. Really looked at him after Frank had finished talking. he took in a shaky breath before smiling at Gerard. Even Gerard could tell that the smile he had received from his friend was fake. It was more than obvious that Frank hadn't coped through it all. The thing was, Gerard hadn't even been aware of this happening. Frank hadn't told him that his father had gone into hospital. Gerard couldn't understand why Frank hadn't turned to him. That was what surprised Gerard the most since Frank had been there for him when his grandmother passed away. Frank had been there to help Gerard through it all when he couldn't stop crying. Frank had been there when Gerard wasn't coping. He had been there for him throughout it all, but Frank had been alone. What if Frank had needed someone like Gerard had had him? Who had been there to comfort him? Who had been there to hold him when he cried? Who had been there throughout the whole ordeal? Probably his mother, but still, Gerard couldn't understand why Frank hadn't come to him seeing as he had been there for Gerard.

Gerard wanted to push but he could see how Frank was already chewing on his bottom lip. That was the thing he usually did to stop himself from breaking down and showing emotions. Gerard never fully understood why Frank hid his true feelings and emotions. Gerard knew that even he struggled with his own emotions and feelings from time to time but he was trying to deal with them. Clearly, Frank had a coping mechanism that was very similar to closing up. Not dealing with how he felt. Gerard knew Frank far too well and right now, even though Frank was trying to come across as okay, Gerard could tell that he wasn't. Plus he knew not to push. Pushing would only make Frank close up more.

"Good. I'm really glad he's okay." Gerard smiled.

"Me too," Frank smiled weakly, agreeing, "Me too.

There was a silence between the two of them. Frank was quickly and quietly recomposing himself after having to talk about his father and Gerard, well, he knew that Frank hadn't asked about one thing yet and really, he was dreading the question. Dreading it so much that it felt like his lungs were filling up with cement, causing this horrible, gut-wrenching expectancy. Gerard didn't want to talk about it but he knew that it was coming. He couldn't avoid the topic, especially since Frank was only asking because he wanted to know how everything was going for Gerard.

Gerard knew that it was coming. He could sense that Frank had the question lingering on his tongue to the point that Gerard felt like he could count down to the point that Frank finally asked.

_Five, four, three, two_

"So," Frank broke the silence with his voice cracking at the magnitude of the question that was about to fall from his lips.

_One._

"How's Mikey?"

Gerard's heart sunk at the question like it always did. He closed his eyes when he felt the sting of tears in the back of them. Gerard didn't want to think about it because it hurt to think about his brother. It hurt to know that if he had only listened and paid attention to Mikey's complaints then none of this would have happened. It wouldn't have to end like this.

Gerard didn't want to answer. The words felt too thick and heavy on his tongue. He couldn't avoid answering though. Frank knew everything. He had been there for Gerard when Mikey first got diagnosed. He had been there for Gerard when he found out that his brother was terminally ill. Frank had been there far too many times to look after Gerard when he got blackout drunk because his younger brother had terminal cancer and was dying the worst kind of death that nobody should ever have to face.

"Gerard," Frank spoke again, feeling bad for asking the question now. He had only asked because he cared about his best friend and his brother. He only wanted to be there for Gerard while he was staying with him.

"It's okay," Gerard finally spoke, forcing a smile onto his face before it faded away faster than it came, "I mean...it's not okay. But it's okay to ask."

"So? How is he?" Frank asked again.

"Not great. It's going slow but the tumour is spreading. The doctors are giving him months if he's lucky. It all depends on how quickly it spreads. Mikey says that he is comfortable but he probably isn't."

"He's in good hands," Frank reassured Gerard sympathetically, "The doctors know what they are doing."

"I know," Gerard nodded, "I just wish that I could spend more time with him. Work gives me time off to visit him but I'm running out of holiday to do it in."

"I'm sure he understands," Frank spoke.

"He does. He says that he is okay with it. Plus he tells me how Pete keeps him company a lot of the time," Gerard smiled, knowing that at least Mikey wasn't really alone in his little room on the cancer ward.

"He sounds like a good friend," Frank said with a smile.

"He is," Gerard agreed before they both fell silent on the couch, sipping on their coffees that were finally starting to cool down.

"So," Frank broke the silence in an attempt to change the subject onto something that was a little more light-hearted. Frank didn't want to upset Gerard. He looked like he was moments away from breaking down about his brother. Frank had been there for moments like that before and he really did hope that he hadn't triggered Gerard into falling apart and crying about his brother again, "What do you want to do while you are here?"

"Hang out with you. I should probably see my parents too," Gerard sighed, remembering the last time that had happened. His mother had tried to set him up with this apparently lovely waitress from the restaurant they had decided to go and have dinner at. Gerard did not want a repeat of that for sure, "I haven't seen them in ages."

"Do you want some company while you do that?" Frank offered, sensing that Gerard wasn't exactly enthralled about the idea of seeing his parents.

"That would be nice," Gerard smiled, "Even though my dad won't stop calling you Franklin."

Frank laughed. Don Way had always been forgetful, ever since Frank had started being best friends with Gerard. His mind was like a sieve at the best and worst of times and Frank was surprised that he had even remembered Franklin. It wasn't his name but it was close enough to the point that Frank didn't have the heart to correct him after so many years of him getting his name wrong.

"They'll want to talk about Mikey," Gerard groaned as he imagined how his parents would be. They would probably ask if Gerard was visiting him and if he was, if he was visiting him enough. Gerard visited when he could so he didn't need his parent's jumping down his throat about something that he did when he had any sort of free time. The other thing was that Gerard hadn't even told them that he was crashing on Frank's couch for the weekend. He didn't want the stress of his mother insisting that she made up the spare bedroom so Gerard didn't have to sleep on his friend's couch. In all honesty, Gerard didn't mind sleeping on Frank's couch. He would do it and get himself through the pain of waking up awkwardly uncomfortable on Sunday morning because it meant that he got to be around Frank more, "Oh god. My mom will try and set me up with someone."

This was something that Gerard hated and the waitress from the last visit was another person to add to the ongoing list of people that his mother had attempted to set him up with.

It wasn't just Frank that Gerard hadn't come out to. His parents had no idea that he was gay either. This was why his mother continued to try to set him up with some probably perfectly nice single woman that she could imagine him settling down with.

Probably perfectly nice would be nice for Gerard, that was if the probably perfectly nice single person was, in fact, a guy.

Or Frank, but Gerard only thought of this a few times before because he knew that Frank was straight with the number of times he had discussed the importance of perky breasts. Gerard just knew that the feelings he had for Frank were nothing more than a crush and it would eventually, hopefully, go away

"Your mom's still playing matchmaker?" Frank smirked as he finished his coffee.

"She's all like, you're thirty next year. Isn't it time that you found yourself a nice lady to settle down with?" Gerard said, putting on a terrible impersonation of his mother. He didn't sound like her at all. He just ended up sounding whiny and nasally, like he had a cold.

"Sounds like my mom, to be honest," Frank sighed, "Except the age difference."

"You're only twenty-eight."

"Exactly," Frank agreed, " _Only."_

"Shut up," Gerard muttered playfully.

"Make me, granddad."

There was a silence between the two of them as Gerard looked at Frank because of what he had called him before they both burst out laughing.

"I'm calling you that when you turn thirty," Gerard smirked, hoping to rile Frank up over the fact that yes, he wasn't thirty yet, but he wasn't far off the next milestone.

"Then I'll call you great granddad," Frank replied with a giggle before he ducked, half expecting Gerard to retaliate with a possible slap around the back of the head like Gerard did when he was being an idiot.

It never came though. Gerard just sighed deeply, shaking his head while he reached into his pocket, pulling out his cigarettes and lighter. He wasn't going to give Frank the satisfaction of a comeback. He just rose above it as he stood up, heading towards the balcony door so he could go outside and have a smoke.

"You know," Frank spoke loudly so Gerard could hear him from outside, "I could set you up with someone so your mom doesn't have to."

Gerard choked on his cigarette, trying to comprehend how his teensy, tiny, possibly bigger than expected crush was offering to play matchmaker for him.

"You?" Gerard questioned, voice full of shock as he popped his head back into the apartment to look at Frank, "You'll set me up with someone?"

"I may know some women who would jump at the chance to date an eligible bachelor like yourself," Frank explained. He pulled his phone from his jeans pocket, beginning to scroll through his contacts, scanning for suitable girls numbers.

"How many of them have you had sex with?" Gerard narrowed his eyes at Frank before turning away to take another drag on his cigarette.

Gerard may have been gay but he didn't want Frank badgering him if he ever said no to the offer of a setup. Frank would want to know why he was saying no and to be honest, Gerard found it easier to lie to his parents about why he always insisted that he didn't need to be set up with someone. He felt like he wouldn't be able to lie if he said no and to be perfectly honest, Gerard wasn't ready to come out to Frank just yet. Especially if he then went and asked why he hadn't come out to him years ago. Gerard had known about his sexuality before they met in college. It had been so long for Gerard to hide this from Frank that it just felt easier to keep hiding it for the time being.

"None of them," Frank spoke honestly while he continued to scroll through his contacts, "These numbers are strictly friend's number. Though...well...okay, I did sleep with Jamia once."

"Once?"

"...Twice."

"Frank..."

"Okay," Frank sighed, setting his phone down on the coffee table, "We are friends who, well, we do it every now and again."

"Oh my god. So you have a fuck buddy?" Gerard snorted. He flicked his cigarette over the side of the balcony before rejoining Frank on the couch.

Gerard actually felt jealous of Frank a little. He couldn't remember the last time he had had sex. His dry spell had lasted for at least eight months and it was still going strong so really, Gerard was so envious of Frank who was apparently getting some on a near weekly, no, near-daily basis by the sounds of it.

Gerard kind of wished that he too had a friend who he had benefits with like Frank did. Unfortunately, that would mean having to find a male friend who would be willing to have sex with him. Casually. Gerard hated making friends and he really didn't want to have to turn to the work friends side of it. Gerard only knew one guy well enough at work who he would allow to fall into the category of _work friend _and he was pretty sure that he had heard his work friend, Ray, talking about some girl called...Christa? Gerard wasn't sure, but he knew that that would make Ray straight if he had a girlfriend. Maybe bisexual, but Gerard didn't want to consider Ray as a possible friend who could supply him with _benefits _because, well, Ray was nice and all, but he was the awkward type at work. All tall and lanky with not much people skills. He lingered around a little too much with his over-friendly demeanour also so Gerard didn't really want to consider making his work environment more awkward by attempting to casually sleep with the only guy he sort of got on with.

Then there was the one other male friend. The one that Gerard knew he would never have sex with even though he was quite possibly Gerard's dream man to climb into bed with. He was more than definitely straight and had a passion for sleeping with lots of women. Plus, Gerard wouldn't allow himself to admit that maybe, just maybe, he had thought about what it would be like to sleep with Frank. What it would be like to be in the throes of passion with Frank beneath the bed sheets. But that was it. Gerard tried his best not to let Frank filter into his thoughts too much. It wouldn't work out for him so Gerard kept those thoughts completely off limits when it wasn't appropriate or when he was with Frank.

So the idea of Frank being a possible friend with benefit was erased from Gerard's mind instantly as he felt the couch shift. Frank stood up, making his way towards the kitchen, leaving Gerard sat by himself.

"Yes, I have a fuck buddy. It's for when pickings are slim for the both of us," Frank explained as he walked into the kitchen before returning moments later with a stack of takeout menus

"So you have a friend that you sleep with? And there are no strings? It's just sex?" Gerard asked, not fully understanding how it would work. What would happen if feelings got embroiled in their casual deal? But then again, this was Frank. He was the kind of man who didn't let his feelings get in the way of his need to have fun and a hell of a lot of sex.

"She's like my best female friend. We both know that nothing is going to come out of it. We just have each other to blow off steam with."

Gerard pictured having someone to blow off steam with, or more he pictured blowing Frank for a split second before he shoved the idea out of his mind as he picked out a pizza menu from the stack.

"I should get you a fuck buddy," Frank decided as he picked out a Chinese takeout menu. He glanced over it before screwing his nose up, deciding that he didn't want to eat Chinese food today as he added it to pile of menus that weren't going to be used.

"I don't want a fuck buddy."

"But everyone needs a fuck buddy once in their life at least."

"Well, I don't want a fuck buddy at this point in my life."

"Have you ever had one?" Frank asked as he playfully snatched the pizza menu out of Gerard's hand.

Gerard just blushed. He wanted to lie and say that he used to have one, but he knew that Frank would see through his lie. His cheeks would burn hot with blush. That was the giveaway that would tell Frank that his friend had never had a casual deal with someone before.

"I'm getting you one," Frank declared as he decided that he wanted to eat pizza for dinner.

"Please don't," Gerard insisted, snatching the pizza menu back from Frank.

"But you need someone. Even if it's just a one-time thing. Just like...cleaning the pipes out once in a while. I'm sure the hand is good and all, but come on, Gee," Frank insisted to the point that Gerard knew it would be easier to let him have this than to keep saying no. Gerard was only here for the weekend. Maybe Frank would forget all about this by the time he came to visit again.

"Fine," Gerard feigned giving in, handing the pizza menu back to Frank, "But you're buying me pizza."

"Deal," Frank smiled from ear to ear as he grabbed the phone to get Gerard exactly what he wanted.


	2. The Price Is Right, No Trousers And Idfk What This Chapter Is Anymore

"I feel like I should have warned my parents about the fact that I was planning on visiting them," Gerard spoke, chewing on his bottom lip while he waited for the traffic lights that he had stopped at to turn green.

"I turn up unannounced half the time and my mom doesn't mind," Frank said matter of factly, watching the traffic lights go from red to green from the passenger seat, "However, she does expect the bag of laundry from me."

"I cannot believe that you're twenty-eight and your mom still does your laundry for you," Gerard tutted, shaking his head at Frank.

"So who does your laundry then?" Frank questioned.

"I do!" Gerard announced his answer like it should have been the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, well," Frank stuttered quickly while he thought of a believable excuse as to why his mother still washed his clothes for him, "My washing machine is on the blink."

"Of course it is," Frank smirked. He didn't believe a word that Frank was saying to him before turning the car down a side road.

He could picture how Frank probably didn't even know how to use a washing machine. Gerard's mother had taught him the very basic and much-needed life skill when he was old enough to do his own washing and chores around the house. Gerard couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like for him if he wasn't able to wash his own clothes, hanging onto his mother like that just so he had a fresh pair of boxers to put on in the morning. But he could picture Frank not knowing which compartment to put the powder in and Gerard was seriously tempted to ask Frank if he knew what fabric conditioner was.

Gerard didn't though with the way that Frank looked embarrassed about it. Gerard just left it, still in shock that at the age of twenty-eight, his best friend was still relying on his mother to wash his clothes for him.

The thought was eventually pushed aside when Gerard recognised where he was. Nearly there, he thought as the buildings and houses that never changed started to look familiar. The outskirts of town where his parents lived never seemed to change or get renovated. This area of town felt like it was somewhat stuck in the past, looking older than the fresh town centre with its cracked pavements and the occasional pothole in the road. Gerard knew he was nearly there. Nearly home which he still called it in a nostalgic way.

"Remind me that I have to go and see mom next week," Frank piped up. His eyes followed the buildings that were whipping past him outside the car, not looking at Gerard during and after he had spoken.

"Why?" Gerard laughed out his question, "So you can go and pick up your clean clothes?"

"Shut the fuck up, Gerard," Frank muttered under his breath. He folded his arms across his chest like a spoilt child, not wanting to admit that Gerard had figured him out, reading him so easily like he was an open book.

\---

"Pickle!" Gerard's mother squealed once she opened the front door and saw who had been ringing her doorbell. Gerard smiled at her before he felt her arms wrap around him, squeezing him in a tight hug that only a mother could give her son.

"Hi, mom," Gerard wheezed out. He didn't know how, but somehow his mother had this extraordinary strength when it came to giving her son a hug. She couldn't open a jar without his father helping her, but hugging her eldest son, she could do that with every ounce of strength doubled up inside of her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, pulling out of the hug. She noticed how messy Gerard's hair was before she started to try and smooth down some of the tufts that were sticking out, "You didn't tell me that you were coming today, did you? Did you try to leave a message on the answer phone? I did tell your father that he needs to clear it out-"

"No. Mom, it's okay," Gerard winced, pushing his mother's hand away from his hair. Yes, it was messy but it was supposed to be messy. That was the style he had been going for this morning when he did his hair, "This is an impromptu visit."

"I insisted that he came to see me since I hadn't seen him for a few weeks." Frank piped up from beside Gerard, catching his friend's mother's attention.

"Frank," Donna smiled as she saw her son's friend of so many years stood next to him, "It's so nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you too, Mrs Way," Frank replied before leaning in and kissing Gerard's mother on both cheeks.

Bloody Italians, Gerard thought as he listened to the small shock of a laugh leave his mother because of the greeting. Frank did it every time he saw her so she should have been used to it by now, but she always reacted like this, making Gerard roll his eyes.

"Oh goodness, Frank. You know to call me Donna," She blushed, "You make me feel so old when you call me Mrs Way."

"But you don't look a day over thirty," Frank replied with a wink. A wink that Gerard saw. He couldn't believe that Frank was flirting with his mother of all people, but then again, he should have known that Frank would be like this. It was in his nature to flirt with women, no matter who they were. It was one of the reasons why he got on with women so well. That and why a lot of women wanted to end up in bed with him.

"Oh, Frank. Stop it," Donna blushed even brighter, waving a hand at him, "Come in boys, come in. Gerard, your father will be so happy to see you."

"Is he going to consider putting some trousers on while we are here?" Gerard questioned since he knew exactly what his father was like.

From a young age, Gerard had memories of seeing his father coming home from work, following the same routine that he did every evening.

Bag down.

Keys away.

Coat off.

Tie off.

Shoes off.

Trousers off.

Don Way was a firm believer in the fact that because he had worked hard every day to provide for his family he had the right to be comfortable when he wasn't working.

And another factor in the fact that Don took his trousers off every day after work was that he believed that he had the right to be comfortable in his own home, which he did. All the time. Even now that he had retired and was living the easy life.

Well, Don did find trousers itchy and uncomfortable at the best and worst of times.

"I heard that," Don grumbled from the recliner he was sitting in, watching TV.

"Dad," Gerard sighed as he walked into the house and saw that his father wasn't wearing any trousers. He was sitting in his favourite recliner chair wearing everything else. He had on his shirt, his jumper, his socks which were pulled right up to just below the knees and his underpants which were far too white for anyone's liking. The amount of pale and pasty white legs that were on display was enough to make Gerard cringe, "Can't you wear trousers in the house just this once? Or at least wear trousers whenever I am visiting?"

"I have worked hard all of my life. I am allowed this." Don declared. Gerard knew that there was nothing he could say or do that would make his father put a pair of trousers on. Even if Gerard announced that the President was coming for dinner, he still wouldn't put his trousers on. It was his house, his rules, his comfort. Don always thought that with his trousers folded neatly next to his recliner, not being worn.

"Coffee, boys?" Donna called out from the kitchen as she filled up the kettle.

"Yeah, go on," Gerard said.

"Yes please," Frank replied.

Don realised then that it wasn't just Gerard who had come to visit. Maybe if he had taken his eyes off his game show for two seconds then he would have seen. Don had been far too focussed on The Price Is Right to notice that his son hadn't come alone. Don finally turned to look, breaking his line of sight from the TV to see who was standing next to Gerard.

"Ah, Franklin," Don smiled at him, "Good to see you."

"Good to see you too, sir," Frank nodded, avoiding the fact that Gerard's father was happily not wearing any trousers in front of the two of them.

Frank hated trousers too. He preferred not to wear them, especially around women that he wanted to spend some private and quality time with, but this was different. Frank didn't want to see his best friend's father sat in his underwear. Frank was blushing just as much as Gerard was. However, the good thing was that Frank wasn't at the same level of embarrassment as Gerard was. He could cope with it, even though he wished that he didn't have to witness it. Gerard, however, would have happily have thrown multiple pairs of trousers at his father if it meant that he would put one of the pairs on. Not that Don would, but it was worth a shot.

Gerard internally grumbled as he looked at the folded pair of trousers next to his father's recliner. This was something that Gerard hated having to put up with so instead, he decided that he wouldn't focus on it. He decided to walk away from the situation, choosing to join his mother in the kitchen so he could help make the coffees instead of having to witness his father and his exposed bottom half.

"You can't get dad to wear trousers in the house still?" Gerard spoke to his mother like a child that wasn't getting his way.

"You know your father," Donna smiled, looking out of the kitchen at her husband, "He likes to be comfortable."

"I like to be comfortable too, with my vision," Gerard said as he went to the fridge, grabbing the milk out of the door.

"You can't change him," Donna sighed happily as the kettle began to boil, "Plus, I wouldn't want him to change either. He wouldn't be the man I married then."

"Fine," Gerard gave in reluctantly before he heard his father shouting at the TV, "But why is he still calling Frank Franklin? Haven't you told him that he's got his name wrong still?"

"Don't. Your father would be so embarrassed if he found out that he had got Frank's name wrong for nearly ten years. Just leave him be. He's not hurting Frank." Donna said as the kettle boiled and she started to make the drinks.

"One thousand!" Don called out at the game show he was watching.

Frank had started watching what was on TV from where he was standing since Gerard had gone into the kitchen to be with his mother. He assumed that there might have been some Mikey talk going on, so he decided to stay away for the time being, zoning out as he watched the same thing that Don was watching.

Frank hated game shows, especially this one since Bob Barker had gone and left, only to be replaced by someone that Frank didn't really care for. He may not usually have watched game shows, but at least he knew that this one used to be half decent and somewhat watchable when Barker was on it because he was a legend.

And the only thing that got Frank watching right now was the fact that Don had gone and overpriced the TV that the contestants were trying to win.

"No. I wouldn't pay that much for a TV like that." Frank said, making Don look back at him.

"Really?" Don raised an eyebrow at him, "But it's one of those fancy new TVs."

"Yeah. I know it's a smart TV, but they aren't that expensive anymore. Trust me, I bought one not that long ago." Frank continued as one of the contestants on the show outrageously overpriced the TV that he was trying to win.

Twelve hundred? Frank snorted since he knew that he had paid much less than that for his.

"So how much did you pay for yours?" Don asked Frank like he was the key to playing The Price Is Right correctly just because he had gone and bought a TV before.

"Around six hundred and fifty," Frank tried to remember, "But it had been in the sale."

"How much do you reckon that one is then?" Don pointed to the TV where the game show hosts assistant was standing next to the prize in question, being over the top with her bright white smile as she tempted the contestant while the studio audience was shouting different things at the player. Too high. Too low. Frank didn't even know how the contestant would be able to think of a price with all the shouting that was going on behind him.

"I'd guess seven fifty," Frank randomly guessed because he was pretty sure that that was the original price of his TV.

"I'm going to stick with my final bid." The contestant said nervously, smiling nervously at the host while he spoke into the microphone on his podium.

And Don had the biggest smile on his face as the contestant had been so far out with his bid. However, Frank had been dead on the money with his guess.

"Well done, Franklin," Don said with a hint of pride in his voice for what Frank had done, even if it had been nothing more than guessing the right price for the TV on his favourite game show.

"Thanks," Frank mumbled, not really knowing if what he had done was something that a man who was sitting in his underwear in the early afternoon could be proud of.

Moments later, Gerard walked back into the sitting room with two mugs of coffee, handing one to Frank before beginning to drink his own.

"Your friend should go on The Price Is Right." Don declared to Gerard.

"Why?" Gerard asked, wondering what he had missed while he had been in the kitchen helping his mother with the drinks. He had only been gone a few minutes. Frank had barely moved from the spot where Gerard had left him, yet something had clearly happened to have his father looking at Frank with such pride in his eyes.

"I got lucky," Frank told Gerard because seriously, it was nothing, even though Don was so impressed with Frank and his pricing knowledge when it came to smart TVs.

"If you'd have guessed correctly on the show then you would have won the TV and a cash prize bonus for guessing the exact price," Don told Frank because it was clear that he had no idea how the game show worked.

"I am so confused." Gerard furrowed his brow at Frank, feeling like he had really gone and missed something while he was out of the room.

Frank just reassured Gerard with a pat on the back and a smile, "Don't worry. It's just another thing that I appear to be awesome at."

\---

Gerard didn't stay confused for long once his father had insisted that Frank had to sit with him and watch the rest of the show so he could learn how it worked. It appeared that Frank had a knack for guessing the correct prices, or as close to the correct price as possible. Don gained this insane level of proudness instantly for Frank, or Franklin, and he couldn't stop telling him how he had to go and the show because if he did then he would more than definitely win the speed boat.

Apparently, that was the top prize on the show as Frank learnt. Not that he needed a speed boat. Yes, it may have been a good talking point to friends since he didn't actually own anything like it. It could even have got him more female attention, but he didn't exactly need a speed boat when he lived five storeys up in an apartment block and nowhere near a body of water.

The game show talk eventually dissipated once Donna came through from the kitchen. She mentioned how if she had known that Gerard and his friend was coming over then she would have suggested eating out. Eating at a local restaurant, not even a ten-minute drive away from them. Gerard, however, was very glad that his mother had already started cooking a roast by the time that he had arrived. It meant that his mother wouldn't try to set him up with some poor waitress who would have no idea what was going on while Donna tried to introduce her to her _wonderful _son. He wouldn't have to go through the torturous moment before it was engulfed with awkward tension that forced the waitress to leave. Gerard would quietly die inside with his head held in his hands and Donna would just wonder what on earth was wrong with her son for not finding the waitress attractive enough to date.

Gerard faked sadness for not being able to go out and eat, but in all honesty, he was so glad of it. Not just because there would be no setups, but also because Gerard loved coming over to have his mother's cooking again. Donna could cook and Gerard was surely looking forward to it when she announced that food would be ready in ten minutes.

Once the food was ready Donna called upon and insisted that Gerard helped to lay the table. Gerard only moaned about doing it. He said how much he used to hate doing it and how now he couldn't understand why he still had to do it to this day whenever he came over. Frank piped up not long after Gerard's gripe, saying how he was more than happy to help. Donna, however, told him that he didn't need to help. He was a guest in the house so in no way did he have to lift a finger.

That made Gerard complain more though. He insisted that he was a guest too. He didn't live with his parents anymore and he hadn't lived with them for quite some time. Donna wouldn't have any of it though. She ignored her son's complaints and handed him a stack of placemats and plates that he needed to lay out on the table. All she said to him was that he needed to hurry up so that his father could get ready to carve.

"Mom, how much food did you cook?" Gerard asked once he had finished laying the table and everyone else had been called to sit.

Four people were eating, but with how much food Donna had gone and cooked, it looked like she had cooked whilst expecting a hungry family of five to bowl up on her doorstep, asking if they could eat some food.

"You know me," Donna smiled, setting a large carving plate that was nearly too small for the turkey on it down on the table, "I cook enough food so that your father has leftovers for sandwiches over the next few days."

Gerard would have thought that that was a nice thing to do for his father, that was if his father had decided to wear trousers at the table.

Gerard was internally cringing at the sight of his father standing at the head of the table, sharpening the carving knife, preparing to carve in nothing but his underwear, socks, shirt and jumper.

Nearly thirty years old and Gerard was still getting intensely embarrassed by his parents. This was not something that had faded away once he became an adult and moved into his own place.

"Dad, can you please put some trousers on while we are all at the table?" Gerard moaned like a teenager who was waiting for the ground to swallow him up, or who was moments away from dying due to sheer embarrassment. How could his father do this to him? It was so unfair.

Frank just smirked, sitting next to Gerard at the table.

"This is my house so my rules," Don spoke proudly while he continued to carve, "Now pass me your plate, Gerard. Franklin, are you still...I can't remember the name of it, but I know all those celebrity people are doing it nowadays."

"You mean vegetarian." Donna pointed out as she took her seat, choosing to sit opposite Gerard at the table.

"That's it."

"Yes, sir. I am." Frank smiled, watching Don pass Gerard his plate back.

"Well, it's a good job I cooked extra sides then," Donna said nicely whilst giving Gerard a look of _see, this is why I cook extra food._

The lunch was great. It was something that Gerard had always missed because he no longer lived with his parents and hadn't done for years. A proper meal. His mother was a fantastic cook and even though his father was currently sat at the head of the table, tucking into his lunch with a napkin draped over his bare thighs, it was nice to have a lunch like this again.

Gerard was always so busy with work that meals usually consisted of takeout food or a microwave meal for one. So to actually sit down and eat a proper meal with his parents and Frank, it was really nice.

Plus, it was a meal that Gerard didn't have to worry about his mother attempting to set him up with someone. Unless his mother was going to attempt to set him up with Frank, but that was not going to happen in a million years. Gerard knew it really wouldn't happen since his parents didn't know that their eldest son was gay so really, he didn't have to worry about anything with Frank anytime soon, even though Gerard did sometimes wish that something would happen between them.

"So when did you get here?" Donna asked once she had finished her mouthful of food, "Did you drive here today?"

"I got here yesterday actually. Frank's letting me sleep on his couch while I'm here." Gerard answered as he cut up his food.

"Sleeping on a couch," Donna tutted, "That can't be good for your back."

Gerard rolled his eyes because he knew exactly what his mother was going to say next.

"I could always set up the spare bedroom for you. It will only take me a few minutes to make the bed up-"

"Mom, it's fine. I'm only here until tomorrow evening anyway." Gerard insisted.

"I don't mind either," Frank piped up with a smile, "It's nice to have some company at my place."

"Well," Donna started. She wasn't entirely happy or convinced about the temporary sleeping arrangements, "Are you sure you don't mind? You know that there is always a room for you to stay in here."

"Totally sure," Gerard told her because in a way, even though his mother would happily stop eating her lunch right now just to go and make up the spare room for him, Gerard didn't really want to sleep in his old room. The bedroom that he used to share with Mikey when they were kids.

Gerard was grateful that the topic of Mikey hadn't been talked about yet, it was just that he knew it would eventually be brought up. The thing was, he didn't know how soon it was going to be brought up.

"Are you going to go and see Mikey while you're in town?" Don asked, making Gerard momentarily grind to a halt once the question was out in the open.

Gerard sighed. He was planning on visiting since he wasn't getting another weekend off for a few weeks. Sadly though, it was tough for Gerard to see his younger brother like this in his room on the cancer ward. No matter how much Gerard psyched himself up for it, it still broke his heart every time.

"He's been asking after you, you know," Don added, "He said that he hasn't seen you for a few weeks."

"I've been busy with work," Gerard explained shortly. He didn't mean to come across harshly. It was just a very sensitive subject for him, "I'll visit him tomorrow."

"Good," Donna nodded at Gerard, "He's had that friend of his visiting him a lot. Peter. The one he's been friends with since school."

"He's a good guy," Gerard replied, making a mental note to thank Pete for keeping Mikey company when he couldn't. Gerard even felt like giving Pete some sort of award for being the world's best friend to Mikey because of the way he had stuck by his side through everything.

"Just promise me that you _will _visit him before you go home," Donna said, causing Gerard to roll his eyes as he set his cutlery down.

"Mom, I said that I will visit him tomorrow and I promise you I will." Gerard snapped before continuing to eat his lunch.

There was an awkward silence between the Ways then. Donna gave Don a look because even she noticed the way that Gerard had spoken to her. Frank decided to break the tension then, trying to make a suggestion that would settle everything down.

"I can come with you to the hospital tomorrow if you want," Frank piped up, looking down at his plate, playing around with a carrot before he stabbed at it with his fork.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to," Frank cut Gerard off, "I want to be there for you."

"Okay," Gerard nodded after a moment of thought, "The company would be nice. Plus, you haven't seen Mikey in ages."

Frank smiled, hoping that he was going to be able to make it easier for Gerard by going with him as some form of emotional support.

"So it's settled then," Donna said, "Mikey will be so pleased to see the both of you."

A silence fell over them as they all continued to eat. It wasn't an awkward silence like the one Gerard had caused moments before. It was nice as everyone finished eating. Gerard was enjoying himself until...

"So, Gerard, is there anything you want to tell me?" Donna questioned curiously.

"No... " Gerard answered uneasily, wondering what his mother was going on about.

"Are you sure?" Donna pushed more.

"Really. There's nothing."

"Really?" Donna raised her eyebrows at her son, "So there's no news about a girlfriend then?"

"Oh my god, mom-"

"Pickle, you're going to be thirty next year. When are you going to think about settling down? Think about starting a family?" Donna shook her head at her apparently still single son.

She couldn't understand how Gerard hadn't met anyone yet. Yes, she was pretty sure that she had a right to be biased when it came to how good looking her son was, but why hadn't he found someone that thought the same way that she did? A nice lady that would want everything with Gerard. Donna had met Don when she was twenty-five. Why hadn't Gerard met anyone at that age? Or even now? It just didn't make sense to her.

Of course, there was the obvious reason. Gerard was gay and that was why he didn't have a girlfriend. Donna just didn't know that about her son.

"I don't want to settle down yet," Gerard insisted, "I want to focus on my career first."

"He has a point," Don cut in, "Most kids these days are putting their careers first before starting a family."

"Thank you, dad," Gerard exclaimed, feeling like he had someone in his side at the table, what with Frank saying that he was going to get him a friend with benefits last night and now his mother insisting that he needed to settle down with a woman and pop out lots of kids with her.

"But I would like to meet my grandchildren before I die," Donna sniffed, feigning sadness in an attempt to coax her son into wanting to start a family sooner than he had planned to. Just for his mother. That was if he ever planned to start a family. Gerard wasn't exactly a fan of babies. All the screaming and crying and all the pooping and everything else about them put him off. He would have to find someone pretty damn special to even consider starting a family with them.

"Mom, you're not even sixty yet. You have plenty of time on your side." Gerard reassured her.

Did she listen though?

"Do you remember my friend, Jillian, from number seven? I go to that book club with her on Tuesday evenings. Well, her daughter, Emma, she's moving back into town after breaking up with her boyfriend and-"

"Mom!" Gerard insisted, whining at how unbelievable she was being, "Stop trying to set me up with anyone and everyone! I'll find someone to settle down with by myself, okay?"

Donna blinked at Gerard a few times, watching him shake his head at the situation.

But trust Frank to go and add something to the discussion. Stir the spoon in the big pot of mess that Donna had gone and created yet again.

"I'm actually going to be setting Gerard up with someone," Frank smiled at Donna, making her eyes light up, "I know this girl that I _know _Gerard will love."

"Frank-"

"Oh, how lovely of you," Donna beamed brightly, "Do tell me all about her."

"Guys," Gerard tried again, but it was a lost cause as his mother started to clear the table. Frank offered to help her and Donna wasn't going to say no to him since it meant that she was going to find out about this lovely woman who she was hoping to be the future mother of her grandchildren.

Gerard just turned to look at his father who was picking food out from between his teeth with his thumbnail.

"Any help at all, dad?" Gerard asked, wanting to have someone in his family on his side.

"Sorry, son," Don shrugged, "You know what your mother gets like."

Gerard felt like he could bang his head against the table repeatedly as he heard Frank telling his mother all about a possible date arrangement for the next time he visited.

It was apparent that there was no getting out of this now. Gerard wished that the ground would swallow him whole as he listened to his mother who was getting far too excited about the idea of this lucky lady being someone that would make Gerard want to finally settle down.


	3. Sorry For The Sadness Guys :(:(:(

Gerard hated doing this even though he knew it had to be done before he headed back home. He had said to his mother, promised, that he was going to do it. Even though he had already said that he was going to do it, now that his mother had insisted, there was no way he was going to be able to get out of doing this now.

The good thing was that Gerard didn't want to get out of it. He just wished that it didn't have to be like this. He wished that he was seeing his brother in a much happier situation and location. A longer lasting situation that wasn't being cut short and limited to a few months. Unfortunately, though, that was not how it was meant to be. That was not how it had panned out and this was just something that Gerard knew he had to cope with just for his brother.

And this situation had Gerard sitting in his car in the hospital car park not wanting to get out just yet. It had him rooted in the driver's seat. It had him chain-smoking while his coping mechanism had him zoning out.

Gerard always had to build up the courage to make himself get out of the car every time he came to visit his brother. It felt like his whole body had seized up except for his hand which brought the cigarette he was smoking up to his lips. Gerard felt like he couldn't move because he knew that his brother's condition was only going getting worse with every visit. Gerard knew that Mikey wasn't getting any better and he never would. That was what made it so hard for him to get out of the car. Gerard couldn't bear to think about the fact that Mikey was dying. Getting closer and closer to the end with every visit. This was what had Gerard chain-smoking his fifth cigarette in just over half an hour in the comfort of his car.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked from the passenger seat. Gerard snapped out of his thoughts, turning to look at Frank who he hadn't spoken to for at least two of his cigarettes.

Gerard had been mad at Frank once they left his parents house the night before. He had moaned about the fact that Frank had gone and got his mother's hopes up about this woman that he knew nothing about. Luckily, Frank had neglected to mention the benefits part of it, just like Gerard neglected to admit to his family and closest friend that he was gay.

Gerard knew that he had to come out to them sooner rather than later but now was not the time to do that as he exhaled smoke through his nose, looking at Frank.

"No," Gerard breathed out, "I hate doing this."

"I'm here for you, you know," Frank spoke, smiling weakly as he rested his hand in a comforting manner on Gerard's shoulder.

"I know you are," Gerard nodded, "You always are. It's just... I hate seeing my brother like this. It hurts me a lot."

Frank nodded but didn't say anything. He wanted to say something about how he got it but he didn't want to seem like he was making the moment about him. He could understand what Gerard was going through because of his own father, but Frank would never make it about him, even though he knew what Gerard was saying.

Only a month before had Frank been waiting in a hospital waiting room. He had been waiting with a crippling ache in his chest and tears in his eyes that also stained his cheeks, desperate to find out if his father was okay. Waiting for his father to come out of surgery. He hated it, even though the doctors had told him that he was going to be okay. He was just having a stent put in. His father was going to be okay. That's what they kept telling Frank. It was just that Frank hated waiting. He hated the long, drawn-out moments of waiting to find out if and when he was going to be able to see his father again.

He dreaded to see what his father looked like once he came out of surgery. Frank wondered if he would look any different. His father had just had a heart attack and Frank had no idea what that was going to do to him. Frank hated this. He hated the idea of seeing his father like this. The force of a man who had been brought down a peg or two by his own heart. Maybe his father had been lucky. He had survived it after all. He had still been smiling when he saw his son once he came back around from the anaesthetic, but Frank knew that Mikey didn't have the luxury of luck on his side like his father had done. Frank knew exactly where Gerard was coming from.

"Does he know that you're coming today?" Frank asked, watching Gerard flick his cigarette out of the open car window.

"I didn't tell the hospital," Gerard shook his head, blowing out the last plume of smoke, "I never tell them I'm coming just in case I can't face it."

Frank understood. It was hard for Gerard to see his brother dying due to a cruel illness. It wasn't fair and Gerard was now learning it the hard way because of Mikey.

"What if he's changed since I last saw him?" Gerard asked Frank nervously.

"He's still going to be Mikey," Frank answered with a reassuring smile.

"I know that," Gerard said, "I mean- I haven't seen him in two weeks. Two weeks is nothing to us. Two weeks is everything to Mikey when he doesn't have time. It's spreading. It's-"

"Gerard," Frank cut Gerard off instantly when he realised what he was trying to say, "Just remember, he's still going to be Mikey. Just focus on that. Focus on the fact that he is going to be so happy to see you. Don't focus on the negative side of this."

Gerard thought about it for a second before nodding at Frank, "Okay."

"Now, shall we go and see Mikey before visiting hours are over?" Frank suggested. Gerard considered having one more cigarette, but seeing as he had nearly smoked a whole pack since this morning he thought that he better hold off until after he had visited his brother for his next one.

No time like the present, Gerard thought as the two of them finally got out of the car and began to make their way towards the hospital.

\---

Gerard hated hospitals, especially this one. The ward that Mikey was on had this overly clean and disinfected smell about it. Gerard believed that it was that way to cover up the horrible smell of impending death. Mikey wasn't just on the cancer ward. He was on the ward for the terminally ill. The ward was full of dying dreams of survival. Full of people that had nothing to do but count down the days to go.

Gerard also hated hospitals because it reminded him of when he lost his grandmother. It reminded him of the pain he felt when he lost Sophie. It hurt to think about her being gone and now Gerard knew that he was close to losing Mikey too. Losing him sooner than he had hoped. Luckily Gerard had Frank by his side now. His words of not focussing on the negative were still ringing in Gerard's ears as they found a nurse and told him that they were here to see Mikey.

"He's awake. Just finished having lunch actually," The nurse smiled as he lead both Gerard and Frank to his room, "I'm sure Mikey will be happy to have more company."

"I take it Pete's here then," Gerard responded to what the nurse had said.

"He's always here," The nurse chuckled, "We have to practically drag him out of here when visiting hours are over."

Gerard smiled warmly at that. It helped him to feel better about not being able to visit as often as he wished he could. At least Mikey had Pete to keep him company. Pete was an absolute star for keeping his brother company so much. Devoting all of his free time to Mikey. He really did deserve an award for doing that and Gerard appreciated what he was doing for Mikey more than Pete could ever imagine.

"If I ever end up in a place like this, please be my Pete," Frank spoke quietly as they walked through the ward.

"Of course I will," Gerard smiled, "But I refuse to think about losing you right now."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Just... one thing at a time," Gerard spoke, trying his best to sound confident and held together as the nurse came to a stop outside Mikey's room. Gerard drew in a shaky breath, watching the nurse check through the notes on the wall by the door.

"He's due some pain relief in an hour but other than that he is all yours for the next few hours." The nurse told the two of them as he set the notes back into the holder on the wall.

"Okay, thanks," Gerard nodded and smiled at the nurse before turning to look at Frank, "Are you ready?"

Frank nodded. It all of a sudden became nerve-wracking as Gerard walked up to the door, resting his hand on it for a second before pushing it open. He didn't know what Mikey was going to look like when he entered the room and that was what had Gerard's stomach churning inside of him. He didn't want to see Mikey in pain. He never wanted that for his brother. But Franks words of not focussing on the negative had Gerard thinking as positively as possible when he went to open the door.

Mikey was sat upright in bed when Gerard walked in with Frank in tow, eating with a shaky hand holding his fork. Gerard instantly relaxed when he saw Mikey awake and like this before his brother looked up to see who had come into his room.

"Gerard," Mikey smiled, setting his fork down onto the tray over his bed, "You took your time getting here."

"Alright, I'm here now," Gerard spoke, walking over to stand at the side of his brother's bed, "Sorry I took so long though. I've been so busy with work. It's hard to get consistent time off."

Mikey nodded. He understood. Gerard tried to visit him as often as he could, even if his job meant that they didn't get to see each other for a week or more at a time. Mikey was just grateful that Gerard was here right now. He was grateful that his older brother came to visit him at all. Mikey knew that Gerard wasn't comfortable with seeing him like this, but at least he still came even though nothing could be done to stop what was happening.

Gerard looked at his brother for a moment. Mikey didn't really look much different. He was still Mikey like Frank had reassured him that he would be. He just looked skinnier, more skeletal with a slight grey, pale tone to his skin. It was obvious that he wasn't well, even as Mikey tugged on the oversized beanie that he was wearing. It had once been Gerard's favourite beanie. He had worn it so much that the hat was stretched out and a little frayed from overuse, but when Mikey's hair started to fall out because of his treatment, Gerard gave it to him so he wouldn't feel so self-conscious about losing his hair.

"Where's my hug?" Mikey asked, holding an arm out for Gerard to hug him.

Gerard held back, feeling nervous about hugging his brother. Mikey looked so tiny and frail in his hospital gowns. Gerard worried that if he hugged Mikey he would end up hurting him. He really didn't want to do that when his brother was probably already in more pain than he should have had to have dealt with in his life. Mikey could sense his brother's fear though. He sighed, shaking his head, reaching out with both arms extended.

"I'm not going to break," Mikey insisted, "Just give me a hug, bro."

Gerard gave in and wrapped his arms around Mikey, hugging him whilst trying to ignore how small his brother felt in his arms, wasting away in his hospital room.

"I've missed you, Gee." Mikey smiled into their hug, patting Gerard on the back.

"Missed you too, Mikes," Gerard reciprocated the feeling, doing his best to ignore the negative thoughts that were trying to creep from the back of his mind and into the front. Trying so hard not to even think about how much he was going to miss his little brother once he was gone.

"I see you brought Frank along too," Mikey, pointed out, turning his attention to Frank who was standing near the door once they had finished brotherly hugging.

"Hey," Frank smiled, taking a few steps closer to Mikey, "I haven't seen you in ages."

"That's probably because I've been cooped up in here," Mikey replied playfully even though the situation he was in was not something that he would have joked about. He had to eventually though. If he didn't then he swore that he would have gone mad, growing more and more depressed if he continued to focus on the fact that he had nothing going for him except the inevitable end, "I'm kidding, Frank. Don't look so worried. It's nice to see you. Last time I saw you Gerard told me that you were trying to hook up with some girl called... Lucy?"

Gerard smirked, remembering that. That had been mentioned the last time that Gerard had visited. Mikey had found it quite funny how Frank had been chasing this girl because she had a more than interesting snake tattoo on her lower back. She had other fascinating things that also caught Frank's attention and got him interested in bedding her. But the one thing that Mikey remembered the most was that Frank had told Gerard who in turn told him that he was going to try and win the girl over by using the line _nice snake, want to see mine?_

"Lucy... fuck," Frank blushed, remembering the more than gorgeous woman in question, "The one with the snake tattoo. She was super hot. Super crazy though. She threw a drink over me at one point."

"That's because you slept with her and never called her back," Gerard told Frank like he had no idea why Lucy went berserk the next time she saw him.

"I told her that I'd lost her number," Frank insisted like he had done moments before Lucy had decided that she didn't believe him for one second, deciding to tip her vodka tonic over his head.

"She knew your game, buddy," Gerard shook his head at Frank, "You strung her on. She had every right to be pissed off at you."

"Well, she's in the past now," Frank said, brushing the memories of Lucy out of his mind while he pulled a chair over to the side of the bed next to Gerard so he could sit down.

"Anyone new in your life?" Mikey asked. Being cooped up in his room all the time, he felt like he had lost touch with the world, his life and everyone else's lives. He felt so unattached from the world and what was going on in his brothers and friends lives that he just had to ask. Mikey wanted to stay connected. He wanted to stay in the loop, trying his best to not feel like he had been shoved into the corner, left to be forgotten about. Left to die whilst everyone else carried on with their lives.

"Janey," Frank beamed, remembering her. The jacuzzi girl with the exotic piercing. Gerard shook his head because he knew why Frank was so interested in this girl, "She's so pretty."

"She has a jacuzzi," Gerard went ahead and pointed that detail out to Mikey since Frank had decided to miss out on the information that was keeping him interested in her and keeping her around for the time being.

This was a first for Frank since he never usually called a girl back after sleeping with her once, but this was all because of an oversized outdoor bath that Frank could sit in and enjoy the warm, bubbly water. Not that that was the only thing he liked about it. He preferred it more when there was a wet, naked lady in there with him.

"She sounds like a keeper," Mikey spoke before he gave Gerard a knowing sideways glance. Really looked at him which Gerard saw and had his insides twisting over and over into lots of knots. It was a look that Gerard knew far too well from his previous visits, especially when he talked about Frank to Mikey.

Mikey knew. Mikey was actually the only person that Gerard had come out to. They were like two peas in a pod, even despite the few years age gap. Mikey was open-minded and he accepted Gerard for who he was. Even accepting the fact that Gerard had a crush that he couldn't help but tell his brother about because keeping it a complete and utter secret had ended up making Gerard feel like he was being eaten alive from the inside out.

The good thing was that Frank was totally unaware of the way that Mikey was looking at Gerard and to be quite honest, Gerard was grateful for Franks naivety.

"Hey, Frank," Mikey turned to him, beaming a smile at him because he wanted something and he also wanted to get Frank out of the room for the time being so he could talk to Gerard, "Do you fancy getting me a coffee from the cafeteria? The doctors won't let me drink it but I'm absolutely gasping for one."

"Uh, yeah sure," Frank said, getting up from his chair, "Do you want one too, Gerard?"

Gerard nodded at him before Frank left the room, saying that he would be back in a minute. Gerard sighed then, sitting down in Frank's now empty chair because he knew what was coming from Mikey now that the two of them were alone.

"So... " Mikey started, curling a smile at his brother, "How's the love bug treating you, bro?"

"Shut up, Mikey," Gerard huffed, "I'm not in love with him."

"Fine fine. Whatever you say, Gerard," Mikey said, not wanting to argue over the level of how much Gerard liked Frank, "But how is that crush on Frank that you have holding up?"

Mikey knew but he only knew because Gerard hadn't been able to cope with hiding his feelings away from the world. The crush had been tearing him apart a year back, especially with how much Frank liked to talk about his sex life, so Gerard had to get it off his chest. He had to tell someone and luckily, Mikey had been and was the best person for him to talk to.

Or at least he was back then.

Gerard didn't answer straight away as he ran his hands through his hair, trying his best to figure out how he could tell Mikey that his crush on Frank was nothing. No, of course, Gerard didn't get a fluttery feeling in his chest when Frank laughed. No, of course, Gerard didn't think about Frank ninety per cent of the time when he wasn't with him.

Who was Gerard kidding? Even he knew that he had more than a little crush on Frank. At least he wasn't at the point where he could have said that he was in love with him.

Or was he?

"You do know that a crush will eventually turn into love. It's inevitable." Mikey smiled, wiggling his eyebrows at Gerard knowingly. Like he already assumed that Gerard was quite possibly in love with his best friend.

"Don't, Mikey," Gerard insisted with a groan, "I'm dealing with it."

"How? By hanging out with him? Bringing him here?"

"Don't."

"Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?" Mikey asked curiously, making Mikey stop dead in his tracks mentally before bursting out laughing at his brother's questioning.

"Do you really think that a gay guy telling his straight best friend that he has a crush on him will ever work out?"

"Have you even told him that you're gay?" Mikey asked. His eyes every now and again flitted towards the door, keeping an eye out just in case Frank came bursting back in for more change for the coffee machine or with his hands full, precariously balancing three coffees in his grip.

Gerard couldn't even answer again. How could he answer Mikey when Frank still thought that he was straight?

"Gerard..." Mikey pushed nervously when his brother wasn't answering him.

"He... he says that he is going to set me up with this... girl."

"Gerard!" Mikey exclaimed out of shock even though he shouldn't have been surprised at the fact that his brother still hadn't come out to at least one person other than himself, "You still haven't told him? How long have you two been friends and he still doesn't know that you're gay."

"It's not that easy-"

"Yes, it is. Just," Mikey started, clearing his throat, "Hi, Frank. I'm gay so can you please not set me up with women because I don't like them that way."

Gerard frowned at Mikey because if he was attempting to do an impersonation of him then Gerard knew that he did not sound like that at all.

"It's not that simple-"

"It really is that simple." Mikey corrected Gerard.

"So you think that me admitting to him that I've been hiding my sexuality from him since college is going to go down well? Do you really think that he will be cool with the fact that I've been lying to him all this time?" Gerard snorted.

"Hopefully. I mean, he is your best friend after all. You just missed out on the whole undying crush that you have had on him for god knows how long part." Mikey chuckled as he picked up his fork and started to play around with the remainder of his lunch that sat in front of him on his tray.

"He would reject me if I told him that I liked him. Look at Frank. Look at his track record. He's straight."

"You never know," Mikey responded, taking a mouthful of his food before continuing, "You coming out to him might make him curious. You might be the only gay guy he knows. He might want to try stuff. Experiment. Just, look at it this way, he has you for that. It's a win-win situation for both of you. He gets to see what it's like playing for the other team and you get Frank. For once, you will be the experienced one when it comes to sex. You could even teach him a thing or two."

"Oh god. Mikey, just... no-"

"I'm just saying," Mikey shrugged, "Broaden his horizons."

"No," Gerard stopped Mikey abruptly, "That whole experimentation thing with him will never happen in a million-"

Gerard stopped talking instantly when he heard and saw Mikey's door being pushed open. His breath caught in his throat because he thought that Frank was back from the coffee run. The conversation that the pair had been having died immediately. Luckily though, Gerard breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the dark mop of curly, frizzy hair that belonged to none other than Pete.

"Well look who finally came to visit," Pete chimed brightly with a smile when he saw Gerard sat next to Mikey's bed.

"Hey, Pete," Gerard nodded as Pete slapped a hand on his shoulder, "Good to see you."

"I thought I saw Frank cursing at the coffee machine in the cafeteria but I wasn't sure it was him because I couldn't see you," Pete explained, pulling up another chair so he could sit down next to Gerard.

"I sent Frank on a coffee run so Gerard and I could have a _chat_." Mikey winked at Pete. Gerard saw the wink. Confusion washed over him. Was there some sort of inside joke that the two of them had that Gerard wasn't aware of because he wasn't here as often as Pete was? Did they talk about him when he wasn't here? Gerard was more than confused as neither his brother or Pete explained anything to him.

"A _chat _hey?" Pete winked back at Mikey before turning his attention to Gerard, "So, have you told him yet?"

Told who yet, Gerard thought. He was so confused, processing Pete's question. Who was this him he was talking about?

It hit Gerard within a few seconds, leaving him wide-eyed and turning quickly to look at Mikey.

"You told him!?"

"Of course I did," Mikey scoffed like Pete knowing this was old news. Or at least old news that Pete had found out about a few months back, "Pete's here all the time. I tell him everything that I know which in all honesty, it isn't a lot."

"I cannot believe that you told him!" Gerard exclaimed at Mikey, "So I take it Pete knows about my crush then?"

"Ah-ha!" Mikey pointed a finger at Gerard with a smile wide on his face, "So you do admit that it is a crush!"

"Fine," Gerard sighed, defeated, "It's a crush... but it's nothing else. Frank is straight and thinks that I am also straight. I really don't want to mess anything up by telling him that I've been lying to him about my sexuality for years."

"He still doesn't know that you're gay?" Pete looked at Gerard with shock plastered across his face, "Even Mikey knows that I'm bisexual."

"Have you even told mom and dad yet?" Mikey asked curiously since their parents had visited a few days before and neither of them had said anything about Gerard and his sexuality to him.

That was yet another question that Gerard couldn't answer. He winced, trying to think of a good excuse as to why he also hadn't come out to their parents yet. But sadly, Gerard had nothing. He couldn't think of a good enough reason as to why he was still on the closet to so many people in his life.

"Gerard," Mikey groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Why haven't you told them yet? Of all the people... you should have at least come out to mom and dad."

"Every time I see them it never seems like the right time to tell them that their eldest son likes guys instead of girls." Gerard gave the feeblest of excuses which had Mikey shaking his head.

"Oh my god, Gerard-"

"Mom would be devastated. You know what she's like. She's even started going on about me finding someone to give her grandchildren..."

"Don't you think that now would be a good time to tell them? You know, before mom attempts to set you up with someone else. You're nearly thirty and yes, I have heard about her wanting to see you settling down and starting a family. It's all she bangs on about when you're talked about. How she wants you to be happy with a wife and kids. How she will be happy when you have a wife and kids."

"Please don't start," Gerard scowled at Mikey, pointing a finger at him, "I know all of this. She finds it shocking that I'm nearly thirty and still single."

"Why don't you just get a really feminine boyfriend and tell your mom that he is actually a she," Pete piped up with a smile because of his idea which, in his eyes, he thought was a genius idea that would fool everyone.

"Don't. Don't give my brother crazy ideas like that," Mikey told Pete with a finger pointed at him. An idea like that, yeah, Gerard would probably go through with it if it meant that his mother would get off his back. The thing was, it would more than likely fail for sure when their mother realised that they weren't going to be having kids anytime soon, "Gerard would probably go ahead and attempt to do that. No offence, bro."

"None taken," Gerard rolled his eyes at Mikey's decision to shoot down Pete's idea. Gerard knew that if he did anything like that idea then it would only work for a short amount of time. Knowing his luck he would get found out eventually and then that meant that he would have to come out sooner rather than later, which in all honesty, he preferred for it happen at a much later date, "Just, let me deal with this myself, okay? Give me time. I'll tell them eventually. I just can't do it right now. You and Pete knowing are enough people for the moment."

Well, it wasn't like he could hide it from Pete anymore and seriously, Gerard couldn't believe that Mikey had just told him. He was one too many people who knew and the fact that he knew about his crush was enough to make Gerard wish that Mikey had kept his mouth shut.

Mikey was about to add more to the conversation but he stopped as soon as he saw his room door being pushed open by Frank who was balancing three polystyrene cups of coffee in his hands.

"I may have sworn at and kicked the coffee machine when it ate my change," Frank chuckled while entering the room, "But I'm here now. I have coffee."

"Thanks," Gerard mumbled, avoiding the way Mikey was looking at him because of the fact that he knew Gerard wasn't even going to attempt to tell Frank who he was or how he felt anytime soon.

And Frank was totally oblivious as to why Pete was smirking and why Mikey was now shaking his head at Gerard.

"So, Frank," Mikey started, watching Frank dump sugar sachets and stirrers down on his food tray just in case any of them wanted to use them, "Tell me about this girl that you are planning on setting my brother up with."

Mikey smiled far too innocently at Gerard after the conversation they had just had while Frank was out of the room. Gerard wanted to stop Mikey from questioning but that would have only been suspicious. Gerard didn't want to draw attention to himself or the fact that he didn't want Frank to set him up at all, so he remained quiet, silently fuming away as he added sugar to his coffee as Mikey continued on, "I want to know everything about her. Only the best for my brother."

Gerard just looked at Mikey, feeling more than annoyed at him for starting up this conversation. He remained quiet, drinking his coffee. Mikey knew too much already and Gerard sometimes wondered if it had been a stupid thing to do, telling Mikey everything including his not so small crush on the person who was starting to tell Mikey about this super hot girl that he was planning on setting Gerard up with.

\---

The rest of the visit was nice. With all of them being in the room together, talking about how they used to be when they were younger, it felt like they were just hanging out like they used to do. As friends. it didn't feel sad at all. Yes, they knew exactly why they were here, but when Pete choked on his coffee, shooting the beverage out of his nose at one point when Mikey retold a story about one of his outrageous house parties, they could all forget why they were sat in the hospital room for a moment. Life felt normal for them for a short amount of time.

Mikey didn't bring up anything about Gerard, even though he did end up talking about one of the house parties that Gerard had lost his virginity at. Gerard thought that Mikey might have accidentally mentioned it but he didn't. Mikey wasn't the kind of person to admit something like that in front of Frank. That was Gerard's business alone. Not his. And especially since Frank thought that his best friend was straight, the story never came up. Frank had no idea that Gerard had drunkenly and messily lost his virginity to a guy called Bob in Pete's bathroom. He was in the dark about it and Gerard was truly grateful for it.

The visit, however, was cut short by Mikey. He started to complain about how he was tired and how his neck and eyes were really starting to hurt. The negative thoughts that Gerard had been able to avoid until now were finally creeping into the front of his mind as Mikey asked Pete to go and get the nurse. This was the thing that Gerard had avoided but now it was right there in front of him in plain sight, reminding him of how Mikey was sick and there was nothing that could be done other than the things that the doctors and nurses were doing to keep him as comfortable as possible.

Gerard worried. He asked Mikey if there was anything he could do to help. Mikey just laughed dryly, trying to mask the horrible truth with humour as he told his brother that it was nothing. He was fine.

Mikey knew that Gerard worried about him enough already without giving him more to worry about. All of them knew why Mikey was in pain. Why he was complaining about the pain behind his eyes when the nurse came in to check on him and give him some medication. Nobody spoke about it though. Each of them didn't want to bring it up since they all knew what the outcome of it all was at the end of the day.

The nurse told them that it was best to let Mikey rest now. He was more than likely overtired from everyone who had come to visit him and the nurse told them all that they should come back another day.

Gerard knew that another day for him wouldn't be for at least two weeks now. The chances of him getting the next weekend off work were so slim that he knew he couldn't even ask his boss about getting it off. However, he promised Mikey that he would try his best to come and see him sooner, even saying _fuck work _with a laugh at one point when he gave Mikey one last hug.

Gerard went to leave with Frank. He noticed that Pete wasn't following them out. He was settling himself down in the chair in the corner of the room, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Are you coming?" Gerard asked, standing in the doorway, watching Pete rub his eyes.

"Nah," Pete smiled sleepily, "They're cool with me staying longer. I'm practically part of the furniture now."

Pete looked exhausted sat in the chair. He had spent more time awake with Mikey than he had done sleeping recently. Gerard wondered if Pete ever left Mikey, but with the way that he was attempting to curl up in the larger chair to take a nap alongside Mikey, Gerard assumed that Pete rarely left him. He probably never left with how Gerard noticed the large duffel bag that clearly wasn't Mikey's in the corner of the room.

Gerard mouthed a thank you to Pete before he watched Mikey begin to doze off, probably falling asleep thanks to the pain relief that had just been administered.

"Take care of him." Gerard smiled at Pete who was also starting to doze off.

"I always do," Pete replied thickly, his voice full of sleep before Gerard left, ready to take Frank back to his flat before he drove himself home.


	4. The Curious Incident Of The Love Heart Doodle On The Starbucks Cup

Gerard wasn't exactly a fan of Mondays. If he was asked, he would have to say that his favourite day of the week was Saturday because it was the start of the weekend and it sometimes meant no work. He could also possibly get a lie-in, even if his lie-ins weren't for that long. They were usually cut short by his need for coffee or his need for the toilet or if he was driving to see Mikey and his parents for the weekend.

Mondays were definitely not his favourite day of the week. It was the worst day of the week for him and today was just another Monday that he could chalk up as the beginning of another hellish work week.

If Gerard was a cat who hated Mondays then he would most definitely be Garfield. Luckily he was a big fan of lasagna too.

The alarm screeched out loudly and annoyingly. Gerard winced as the god awful sound pierced through his sleepy state, bringing him back into reality.

Gerard had been having what he would secretly consider to be a pretty awesome dream. That meant that there had been some form of sexual activity from a more than familiar man with brown eyes and long eyelashes that- no, of course, Gerard never paid that much attention to notice how long someone's eyelashes were. But here he was, grumbling into his pillow as the dream he had been having started to fizzle out fast. His hand flew out from under the duvet, slapping down hard on top of the alarm to turn it off.

Silence, at last, Gerard thought, rolling onto his back. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes whilst trying to ignore what the dream he had been having had done to him.

Gerard liked to believe that dreams like the one he'd had didn't do this to him on a regular basis, even if he was lying with his belief. This morning was proof that morning wood was a thing for him and Gerard was going to have to switch up his morning routine just so he could sort out the predicament that he was in.

Coffee was usually the first port of call for Gerard. It knocked him out of his sleepy, zombie-like state. But that was going to have to wait this morning. Gerard knew that he needed to have a shower now. He knew his own body. It wouldn't go down unless he dealt with it.

Gerard didn't want to walk out of his house, beginning his journey into work with an erection in his work trousers. Ignoring what the dream about Frank had done to him was a terrible idea, especially since his next-door neighbour was a nosey old so and so. She was around seventy years old. The only other things that Gerard knew about her was that she was practically deaf and in the morning she was usually out tending to her garden. Given the situation that Gerard was in right now, if he even set foot out of his house this morning and found her planting something or watering her gladioli, she would more than likely collapse into her flower bed because she caught sight of Gerard walking out of his house with more than a smile on his face.

Gerard brushed the thoughts of his next-door neighbour collapsing because he had strolled out sporting wood aside as he threw the duvet off and got up. He headed straight to the bathroom with a head full of sleep and boxers full of one thing that wouldn't go away. Gerard knew that he had two things to accomplish in the shower this morning. One was to wash and the other was to get his dick to go back to sleep.

Once Gerard was showered and had thankfully sorted himself out in the middle of washing, the next thing on his mental morning routine checklist was coffee. Gerard didn't have much time before he had to leave for work in the mornings. He barely had time to even have breakfast. The only thing that he made sure he had before he set foot out of the door every morning was his first coffee of the day. Gerard knew that he could always get his breakfast from the vending machine at work. Plus, he never usually had much food in the house, let alone food that could have been considered worthy enough for the first meal of the day. Why stock breakfast food when he never had time for breakfast? Coffee was enough to start Gerard up and keep him going until he was at work. So he switched on the kettle and began preparing his mug for the best beverage of the day.

Gerard's morning routine was always the same, even down to the next thing that he did once he had made his coffee. He leant against the counter sipping on his drink before pulling his phone from his pocket.

The next thing on the agenda was a morning ritual that he hated checking. Sometimes Gerard wondered why he even bothered doing it, but it was something for him to do while he drank his coffee. He also did it because he knew he couldn't ignore the notifications on his phone, even though most of them were probably from his mother who thought she was _down with the children _for having an account. But still, Gerard knew that the quick check of the hated app would be over soon since he was well on his way to finishing his coffee.

Facebook.

Gerard hated Facebook with a burning passion. He had originally decided that he would never get an account for the website but he ended up getting one because Frank had told him a long time ago that he _needed _an account. At first, Gerard assumed that it would be alright. He could find old friends from school and college on Facebook if he wanted to. However, Gerard soon learnt about the complete nonsense, venom and utter rubbish people spewed out on a daily basis on the social networking site.

Mark Zuckerberg had a lot to answer for in Gerard's eyes.

Gerard hated how ninety per cent of his supposed _friends _on Facebook did nothing more than post nonsensical rants about anything and everything. He also hated how easily people could find him thanks to mutual friends. An old bully from school found him once. Luckily, this lead Gerard to discover that even though the app was a terrible place, especially since it ended up bringing someone back into Gerard's life that he never wanted to see again, at least it had a block feature. He was more than grateful for that discovery.

If Gerard could've had his way then he would have blocked anyone and everyone that annoyed him on Facebook with their annoying rants, shared posts and everything that infuriated him.

The thing was though that Gerard was pretty sure that if he blocked everyone that annoyed him on Facebook then the only friend he would have on the app would be Frank. Not that that was a bad thing. The good thing was that Frank would never annoy him. It was just that Gerard didn't see the point in having an account for one person, even if that one person was his best friend.

Gerard tapped on the app, groaning at how slowly his timeline was loading. He was all but about to give up on checking the godforsaken app, but it eventually loaded, already showing him posts that he didn't care for at all.

Gerard had four notifications. All four of them were game requests from his mother who was asking him for extra lives on Candy Crush. That was another app that Gerard loathed. He knew that Frank played it and yes, he knew that Frank sent Michelle games requests regularly, but no, Gerard was not going to be sucked into playing the game just so he could end up receiving hundreds of requests for free lives on his Facebook from his mother and his friend.

Ignoring his mother's plea for lives on Candy Crush, Gerard went onto his timeline, beginning to scroll through posts aimlessly, not really paying attention to any of them since a lot of them were posts from his mother. She had a habit of oversharing posts from a cookery blog. Gerard didn't want to see what his mother might have been thinking about cooking for dinner one time before she gave up and went back to something much simpler than a recipe she had found online. Gerard sighed. The rest of the posts that he barely gazed at were all from his so-called _friends _who felt the need to rant or complain about something or someone.

Nothing like hanging your dirty laundry out in public for everyone to see, Gerard thought, shaking his head as he continued to browse his timeline.

But there was one post that had Gerard stopping. His thumb froze, stilling and freezing his timeline in place. He looked at the uploaded photo before sighing again, shaking his head yet again at what he was seeing. It was the one thing he hadn't expected to see on a Monday morning on his Facebook.

It was a picture of a jacuzzi.

Frank had clearly posted a picture of Janey's jacuzzi. The jacuzzi he had more than likely had sex in. Gerard did not want to be thinking about Frank having sex in a jacuzzi right now. He had only just got himself to calm down so waking little Gerard up again was not something that needed to happen.

Gerard casually liked the post. He liked all of Frank's posts. That was what proper friends on Facebook did apparently. Plus, Gerard would never admit that he regularly visited Frank's profile to look at particular photos before getting depressed at how straight his friend was. The thing was, even if Gerard did deny that he stalked his best friends Facebook profile because he was attracted to him, he would have been a terrible liar because he was already clicking on Frank's name on the screen. He was already beginning a journey he had taken far too many times. The rabbit hole was always tempting. Frank was tempting enough as he was, so Gerard barely batted an eyelid as he waited for his friends profile to load on his phone.

There was the jacuzzi photo again at the top of Frank's profile which Gerard did his best to ignore. Gerard had been in a jacuzzi before. In all honesty, it hadn't been much fun, but with how his mind was working right now, he could see it being fun in one way. Even though Gerard knew that he shouldn't have been thinking about Frank like this right now, he couldn't help it. His mind was focussing on something that he allowed to come to life in his fantasies alone. Being in the water with Frank. Frank moving closer to him. So close as he shifted through the water, tentatively making the first move that Gerard wished Frank would do. He would be so close. So close that Gerard would probably forget how to breathe in an instant as Frank straddled him in the water. His firm, toned body would be pressed against Gerard. They would be so close that Gerard would think that he was dreaming. Of course, he would realise he wasn't dreaming when Frank knocked him back into reality with a hand on his arm, a finger on his chin, tilting his head so Frank could look deep into Gerard's eyes. Into his soul, baring his own soul out in front of Gerard, pleading, admitting that he needed him right now before lips finally met for the first time.

Gerard shook his head, ridding his mind of the sordid thought so that he didn't end up needing another shower just so he could calm himself down again.

It was just a crush. This was nothing serious like Mikey seemed to believe. Gerard wasn't in love and he had this whole _crush on Frank _thing under control. Even as he scrolled down Frank's profile he knew that he had a hold on all of this. He had it all completely under control until he stopped at a photo that had been uploaded not long before the jacuzzi photo had been posted. Trust Frank to post a selfie. Especially a selfie with the blonde-haired woman that Gerard could only assume was Janey.

Lucky bitch, Gerard thought, tapping on the photo to show the whole thing on his phone screen. She was gorgeous. Every woman that Frank got with was some high degree of stunning. Gerard's heart ached because Frank was with this stunning blonde who had the fancy piercing that made him shudder. Gerard knew that it was just a fling. It probably wouldn't last much longer because Frank was one to either get bored or find himself running for the hills when the girl he was currently sleeping with wanted to take things further. Only then would he go off in search of the next girl that would fall hopelessly at his feet.

But the thing that made Gerard's heart sink more that Frank was clearly straight. It was more than obvious in the photo because Frank had a hand on Janey, groping at her breast over her shirt in the corner of the photo. Frank would never go for a guy, let alone Gerard, so Gerard decided to stop making himself feel more depressed over his stupid crush on his straight best friend. He backed out of Frank's profile before shutting down the app altogether.

Gerard locked his phone and finished his coffee. He had to finish getting ready for work. It was a new week and Gerard knew that he could get through it. He just had to start it if he wanted to get to the end of it.

\---

Once Gerard was ready and out of the house, he began his journey into work, catching the bus because he didn't feel like driving into work today. The whole moment of visiting Mikey had emotionally drained him. It always did, especially with how Mikey was about Gerard not coming out to his best friend or their family. It always took Gerard a few days to recover from seeing his brother in hospital so this morning he left his car keys hanging by the front door, making sure that he had enough change in his wallet to take the bus into work.

The bus journey was always dull. The same types of commuters always got on the bus around the same time as him. Business people and workers like himself were on the same journey into work. There were also parents bundling their kids onto the bus, taking them to school. Teenagers boarded the bus wearing headphones. They played their music so loud that Gerard swore he could tell you what they were listening to just from the tinny noise that escaped from their headphones.

Occasionally his journey into work was spiced up a little. That, however, was rare. One time, a lady had gotten on the same bus as him, wearing a plastic miniskirt, boob tube and leather jacket combination. Her short, sharp, bobbed hair was dyed bright green and one thing that took Gerard by surprise was that she had gotten on the bus with a rat on a lead in her arms. She had been more than cool in Gerard's eyes. So cool to the point that when Gerard got home after work that day, he recreated her in a sketch. She cradled her pet rat in her arms like a newborn baby. Her green hair was bright and bouncing off the paper he coloured. Gerard named her "Rat Girl", loving the fact that he had encountered this amazing and eccentric person on his way into work.

Or there was the one time that a woman broke up with her boyfriend on the bus right in front of Gerard. Yes, it had been brutal to watch the man's world fall apart around him as his beloved called off their relationship, but it had made the journey into work a little bit more interesting, to say the least.

Today's journey into work, however, was unfortunately dull. No interesting characters had gotten on the bus. Only briefcase-carrying businessmen and workers like Gerard had got on the bus. Gerard was bored as hell, staring out of the vehicle's window, knowing that he was getting closer and closer to work with every second and building that went past him. But a ping in Gerard's trouser pocket snapped him out of his zombified going to work state. Gerard pulled his phone from his pocket to see that he had a new text message from an unknown number. He looked at the number quizzically, wondering who on earth was texting him. Had he forgotten to save a number? Gerard couldn't remember so he went ahead and opened the message. It was more than likely nothing more than an advertisement text that he was going to delete before he finished reading it, but it wasn't what he thought it was as he read on, realising that he knew the person who had messaged him.

_Hey, Gerard. It's Frank. My phone died. Got a new one and this is my new number Fxo_

Gerard rolled his eyes. Was this how Frank was ending it with Janey? He wasn't going to break it off with her face to face? Instead, did he really think that changing his phone and number was the best thing he could do? If he did, then this really was an awful way to ditch Janey.

Gerard was totally surprised that Frank hadn't been forced to move house or even move out of town thanks to how many women he had slept with and never called back. He had ditched so many women just because they wanted more with him. They wanted a relationship with him, but still, Frank remained just on the outskirts of town away from the city, content with what he was doing and how he was dealing with the countless women that he brought into his life for a brief amount of time on a regular basis.

_What happened to your old phone?_

Gerard was curious as to why Frank had gone and changed not only his number but his phone. He really was hoping that Frank wasn't breaking it off with his latest fling like this. Yes, maybe Gerard did want Frank to end his fling with Janey, but that was only because he dreamt about a more serious fling that Frank could have. One that he could explore and discover. And of course, Gerard wanted that fling to be with him.

Gerard's phone pinged again and the reply that he read had him shaking his head at Frank.

_So I was with Janey by the jacuzzi. I was just chilling out while she went inside to get a couple of beers. I had just been scrolling through Facebook. Posting stuff, you know? So while I was doing that I didn't hear her come back out into the garden. Before I realised what was going on she had pushed me into the jacuzzi with my phone still in my hand._

Gerard knew that he had dropped many of his old phones plenty times in the bath before and it seemed that as long as he got the phone out of the water as quickly as possible then it usually survived. Give it a couple of days to dry off and then the phone would be working again. Gerard, however, assumed that Frank did not attempt to save his phone when the woman he was currently sleeping with pushed him into the jacuzzi.

_Did you try to save it?_

Ping.

_Of course not. Janey had her hand down my pants so I honestly didn't give a shit about my phone._

Classy, Gerard thought to himself before Frank messaged him again.

_In other news... I have gone and bagged you a date with a fine young lady._

Gerard groaned. He had been hoping and praying that Frank would just give up on the whole setting him up business, even though it was now apparent that he hadn't.

Gerard felt like this could have been the perfect time to tell Frank that he was gay. That way the date could have been called off and it would have saved Gerard and this supposed fine young lady the trouble and embarrassment of going through with a date that was destined to fail from the word go. The thing was though, Gerard didn't think that it was a very good idea to come out to Frank via text. Yes, he had considered doing it that way before. Gerard had even had the text typed out at one point, ready to send it to Frank, but he never hit send. Gerard always deleted the message before he sent it. He always worried about how Frank would react to the news and doing it through text would have only made it harder for Gerard to gauge how his best friend was reacting to this huge piece of news.

Coming out via text, to Gerard, was probably the worst way that he could think of coming out. What if Frank reacted badly to it? How would Gerard be able to tell if Frank was okay with it? Would Frank even reply to the news? What if Frank didn't reply to him because he was so shocked and appalled about the news? Texts were always so hard to read emotions through and personally, if Gerard ever built up the courage to tell his best friend of so many years that he was gay, then he was going to do it face to face. He wanted to be able to see how Frank would be over his finally unveiled sexuality.

Gerard knew that he couldn't keep leading Frank down the very straight and narrow with his sexual preferences, but it was so much easier to just go along with it for the moment. Or at least until Gerard got the confidence to finally tell Frank that he was gay.

_Really?_

Gerard's stop came up and he got off the bus while waiting for Frank to reply. Gerard considered getting a coffee since he was still pretty tired and the Starbucks he frequented on a regular basis was only around the corner. He had considered just making himself a coffee once he got into work but that required effort and Gerard really couldn't be bothered when he knew that there was going to be a barista who could do a much better job than he could with a hot beverage. Starbucks did seem like the best thing to do and Gerard was already walking towards it before he even came to the conclusion that he was going to spend too much money on a coffee instead of making himself a free one at work. His phone pinged in his hand. Frank had replied with more to say about this supposed woman that Gerard was going to be forced to go on a date with.

_Her name is Lindsey and she is very excited to meet you. You've got to get this weekend off to meet her._

Gerard sighed, pushing the coffee shop door open. He joined the queue of people who were also desperate for their morning caffeine fix while typing out a reply to Frank.

_How can she be excited to meet me if she doesn't know who I am?_

Ping.

_Because I told her all about you and I also sent her a picture of your fine self._

Gerard grumbled as he continued to get closer and closer to the counter. He felt bad for this Lindsey woman because not only did Frank think that he was straight, this woman also thought that he was straight and now dateable. She was probably interested in becoming his girlfriend and really, Gerard was becoming more and more aware of how big of a mess he was letting himself get in the middle of.

"Large latte to go, please," Gerard told the barista when it came to be his turn to order. Gerard wanted to get this weekend off to see Mikey. That was the only reason. He wasn't going to go to his boss and beg for the weekend off so he could go out on a date that was surely going to go horribly wrong thanks to his homosexual tendencies.

Unless Lindsey was going to turn up and admit that she was actually a guy called Larry. If that happened then the date might not fail after all. But even then, if Lindsey did turn out to be a Larry, he wouldn't be Frank. No one ever would.

_Try and get this weekend off, okay? I've got to go to work. Let me know if it all works out so I can tell Lindsey if you're going to meet her this weekend or not Fxo_

Gerard pocketed his phone as his drink was made and called out. He didn't want to focus on trying to get this weekend off just yet. He wasn't even in work and he knew that he couldn't just walk in, clock on and head to his bosses office, asking for the weekend off. He had to wait at least a day before he could even consider approaching his boss for that kind of request. So Gerard just pushed the weekend off thoughts to one side once he grabbed his coffee and headed over to the sugar stand to put sweetener in his drink.

Gerard went to take the lid off his drink but he noticed a thick ink doodle that had been drawn on the lid. It was a drawing of a love heart and an _x. _Gerard stared at the lid. Never before had he received a coffee with anything drawn on the lid. He had once when one of his co-workers had decided to do a coffee run for the office, but this was new and this had Gerard confused. He hadn't requested for anything to be drawn on the cup or the lid either. All he had wanted was his coffee and nothing else. The doodle appeared to be completely spur of the moment from whoever had made his latte.

Gerard wondered if it had come from the female barista who had charged him for his latte. He already hoped that it wasn't from her because if it had been and she had done it to show that she was interested in him then he knew that he would have to kindly decline and admit to her that he didn't swing that way.

Gerard hadn't entirely paid attention to who had made his coffee either. There were two male baristas working away at the coffee machine so if it had come from one of them then at least Gerard might have had a chance with whichever worker had decided to doodle on the lid of his drink.

Gerard decided to not pursue this now though. He thought about coming back again later or tomorrow morning while he stirred sweetener into his drink before replacing the lid of his coffee. If it had been a mistake then it wouldn't happen again. If it had been on purpose, well, Gerard wouldn't know if it had been on purpose until he came back to see if it would happen again. If it did then maybe he would know who had been the one to graffiti a heart and a kiss onto the lid of his coffee.

Plus, Gerard would never say no or even stop himself when it came to getting a decent cup of coffee before work.


	5. Quarantine, Circumstances And Wait, Gerard Didn't Tell You??

Gerard went back to Starbucks and his prediction of what would happen happened again. There, on the lid of his takeout cup, yet again, was a love heart and a kiss doodled thickly with a marker pen.

Yesterday Gerard had just assumed that it was nothing more than a happy accident. He hadn't wanted to get his hopes up just in case it meant nothing. Maybe the heart and kiss had been meant for someone else. Or maybe one of the baristas had just been doing it to everyone's cups in an attempt to brighten up the customers days.

But as a male barista with a nervous smile and laugh handed Gerard his large takeout latte, he realised that maybe this was the creator of the doodles on the lid of his caffeinated drinks. The tall, stocky barista with glasses who had a blush on his face as he said _have a nice day _to Gerard. He could easily have been the creator of the doodles, but Gerard didn't want to assume in case he was wrong.

Gerard didn't think anything of it for a moment. Yes, there was another doodle on his coffee lid but what was it for? Did the barista that had made his drink like him? Was this the way that baristas flirted with coffee drinkers? Gerard didn't know and also didn't want to think about it too much because with how his mind was working and with what he had once read online, he didn't want the possible barista who may or may not have liked him putting their own bodily fluids into his morning latte.

Gerard winced at the thought because that was something that could easily put him off going to Starbucks for life. This was something that he really didn't want happening. Gerard tried his best not to let the idea of there being something more in his coffee bother him as he exited the coffee shop, taking a tentative sip on his drink. Relief washed over Gerard when he tasted nothing more than coffee, milk and sweetener in his morning beverage. That was a good sign. Plus, Gerard had more pressing matters to deal with as he made his way into work.

Gerard kept to himself for the morning. He knew that he couldn't come into work and immediately go for what he wanted, so he kept to himself, busying himself with work. Mid morning he had been halfway through doing the spreadsheets that had been put on his desk. He had been working his way through the large stack of papers that he swore was going to take him all day to process before he noticed that his boss was stood right by his desk. His boss didn't usually approach him. His boss usually kept to himself in his office, running the ship of a building behind closed doors, dealing with conference calls and board meetings all throughout the day. However, Gerard saw the sympathetic smile that his boss was wearing before he got asked the question, how is your brother?

Gerard explained the situation with a more than heavy heart, doing his best not to show his real emotions and feelings about the situation in front of his boss and the whole office. Luckily for Gerard, his boss informed him that he knew what he was going through, even if Gerard hadn't exactly kept his boss informed on Mikey's condition. It wasn't exactly something that Gerard liked to discuss over paperwork on a daily basis.

That was when his boss opened up to him, explaining how he had been in an almost identical situation with his mother. Gerard's boss dropped his voice low, explaining that he had lost his mother to ovarian cancer. Gerard said that he was sorry for his bosses loss but his boss waved a hand at him, saying that he didn't need to say anything about it. He went on to say how death is unfortunately inevitable and that we must take as much time as we need to be with our loved ones before it is too late.

That was when Gerard's boss said that he could have every weekend off so he could go and visit Mikey regularly. Gerard was so relieved that he wasn't going to have to confront his boss and beg him for time off to go and see his brother now. It was such a weight that had been lifted and Gerard was more than grateful for it. Gerard thanked his boss repeatedly, saying how he would do anything to make up for the time off that he was receiving. However, his boss said that it was nothing. All he said to Gerard was that he should cherish all the time that he had left with Mikey while he could.

It broke Gerard's heart as he said that he would before his boss left to go back to his office, saying that he had a conference call that he needed to attend. Gerard thanked him once more before getting back to work, counting down the hours until he could go and see Mikey this weekend.

\---

The days went by at an alarmingly slow pace, but after three more days of work and three more days of cute doodles on his morning lattes, Gerard was waking up on Saturday morning feeling happy about the fact that he was actually going to be able to see Mikey today.

Gerard had messaged Pete the night before, telling him to tell Mikey that he was going to be able to visit him every weekend now. Pete had replied not long after, saying how happy Mikey was to hear the news.

Gerard had held off on telling a certain someone that he was getting every weekend off now because he was hoping that said person would say that Lindsey had given up on their set up date for this weekend because Gerard had left it too late to say that he was coming to visit.

Gerard held off until Saturday morning to tell Frank the news. He had messaged him as he finished his coffee and once the morning rituals on his phone had been done. Gerard informed Frank that he was driving down to see Mikey today and every weekend for the foreseeable future. Gerard ended up getting a message back from Frank just as he was getting in his car to drive to see Mikey.

_That's great news, man!! I'll tell Lindsey that you can meet her tonight Fxo_

Gerard sighed as he set his phone in his hands-free kit. He had been hoping that Frank would say that it was too short notice for them to have a date tonight but apparently, it wasn't as Gerard could picture Frank texting Lindsey right now. He could imagine her getting all excited about meeting him and hell, Gerard was really hoping that she would say that she couldn't do tonight because it was too short notice for her.

Sadly though, when Gerard stopped at a petrol station to fill up the car and to get himself a coffee, he realised what kind of a mess he was in the middle of thanks to the new message that he had got from Frank.

_Lindsey cannot wait to meet you. Meet me at my place once you've visited Mikey so I can get you ready for your hot date Fxo._

\---

Gerard made it to the hospital in good time. The traffic on the roads hadn't been too bad so he had ended up pulling into a parking space in the hospital car park just before lunchtime. Visiting hours had only just begun half an hour before he got there and even though Gerard was happy to see Mikey, he still worried.

Gerard lit up a cigarette in his car while his mind worked overtime. What if Mikey's condition had deteriorated since last week? What if the cancer was spreading faster than the doctors had once said? The thoughts racing through his mind had Gerard feeling sick to the pit of his stomach. However, he tried to remember who had been sat next to him in the car at the last visit, reassuring him about seeing Mikey.

Gerard remembered how Frank had told him that no matter what, it was still going to be Mikey that he was visiting. Gerard just had to think positively about this. Plus, he remembered what his boss had told him. How he should cherish the time that he had left with Mikey. Gerard knew that it was hard to think positively in a situation like this, but he knew that he had to try at least. If he didn't then he would probably just stay in his car until visiting hours were over, chain-smoking as he continued to worry.

Gerard pushed all of his negative thoughts and worries aside as he flicked his cigarette out of the car window. He tried to think as positively as possible as he finally built up the courage to get out of his car. Mikey knew that he was coming to visit today so there was no point in keeping him waiting. Gerard knew that he had to cherish these visits for as long as they lasted while he made his way into the hospital to see his brother.

\---

"I'm here to see Michael Way," Gerard told the receptionist on the ward that his brother was on. Gerard's attempts to think positively had actually done him the world of good to the point that he was excited to see his baby brother again. It had only been a week since he had last seen him, but to Gerard, it felt like he hadn't seen Mikey in months as the receptionist pulled up his brother's notes from the computer.

"I'm sorry but Michael isn't receiving any visitors today." The receptionist told Gerard flatly, making his heart sink low and the negativity in him build up like a pan boiling over on a stove.

Had his condition gotten worse? Why hadn't Pete said anything to him? Gerard's mind started to race uncontrollably with even more worry while he attempted to force out a response to what the receptionist had told him.

"What? Wh-why? I'm his brother. Family. Why was I not told anything?" Gerard stammered out, trying his best to process this sudden news.

"I can go and get his doctor to explain-"

"Where's Pete?" Gerard barked out his question, feeling bad instantly for how he had spoken to the receptionist. He wasn't cross at her for telling him the news. He was just worried. Gerard knew that he was allowed to be worried since he was being told that he couldn't see Mikey. It was the only reason why he had driven all these miles. It was to see his brother. Screw the stupid date that Frank kept harping on about. That didn't matter. Mikey would always come first.

"Sir, if you could just sit down in the waiting room I will get Doctor Si-" The receptionist started. Gerard wouldn't let her finish though because his question hadn't been answered.

"Where is Pete? He is always here. You should know who I'm talking about." Gerard said to the receptionist, giving her a brief description of what Pete looked like whilst looking down the ward's corridor to see if he could see Pete anywhere.

"He's in the waiting room. He's refusing to leave," The receptionist responded rather pointedly seeing as she had been the one to tell Pete that it was probably best for him to go home right now. But he was still here. He was refusing to budge which sounded a lot like Pete when it came to Mikey. All he wanted was to know what was going on with his friend. Pete wasn't the kind of person to move an inch until he got told what was going on, "Please, wait in the waiting room with him and I will let Doctor Simons know that you are here to see Mikey."

Gerard nodded, thanking the receptionist before apologising. He knew that she had no control over Mikey's condition and he knew that he never should have spoken to her the way that he had done. He was just worried and hopefully, Pete was going to be able to fill him in on the situation before the doctor did.

Gerard walked into the waiting room and instantly saw the bundle of a person lying on the couch with his back facing out into the waiting room. Pete looked like he was sleeping, but with the way he shifted on the couch, Gerard knew for a fact that he was awake. Pete was probably too worried about Mikey to even consider sleeping right now.

"Pete," Gerard spoke, making Pete jump a little on the couch before he looked over his shoulder to see the older Bootle standing in the middle of the waiting room looking at him.

"Gerard," Pete sighed as he sat up, "Thank God you're here. I didn't know whether to text you to tell you not to bother coming... but I knew that you would have only worried if I told you not to come. You'd have still come here anyway," Pete babbled a bit, uncontrollably smirking as his coping mechanism whirred away inside of him, "I ended up not texting you because I knew that you would have been here soon enough," Pete explained again, making eye contact with Gerard before looking down at his trainers, "Fuck. Gerard... I'm really worried-"

"What happened?" Gerard stopped Pete. He could hear the stammering crack in his voice. Pete sounded like he was about to break down into a fit of tears. He looked even more exhausted than usual now with the way that his face was plastered with worry.

"I went to see Mikey this morning at breakfast time. The nurse took his food in so I followed them in. He was fine. Mikey was chatting away happily to me. He had been telling me about how excited he was to see you today and then- he... he started throwing up. Like, throwing up everywhere. He managed to tell me to get the nurse so I did and then they told me to leave the room. They told me to wait in the waiting room and someone would come and tell me what was going on. Fuck. Gerard... I'm so scared," Pete went on with watering eyes.

"Me too, Pete," Gerard said with a sigh, sitting down next to Pete on the couch, "Has anyone come to tell you what happened?"

"The doctors only told me that they were taking him for tests once he had stabilized," Pete explained, "Gerard... this... this isn't it? Is it?"

"Don't say that, Pete," Gerard shook his head, really hoping that this wasn't the end. It couldn't be. It had to be nothing more than a blip. That was what Gerard kept thinking, trying his hardest to think positively, "He's going to be fine."

"How do you know that, Gerard?" Pete asked, looking at Gerard with fear in his eyes, "You don't know that. You can't say that he will be fine when he might not be."

"I don't know, Pete. The only thing I do know is that we have to think positively. Everything will be okay in the end. It has to be."

Gerard was so worried that the cancer had spread. What if it had travelled down his spine and had reached his stomach? What if it was spreading faster than anyone had anticipated? That would mean that they had less time with Mikey. Or no time at all if this was it.

A moment of silence passed between the two of them before the waiting room door opened and a doctor walked in with a folder clutched under his arm.

"I've been told that you're Michael's brother?" The doctor question as he looked at Gerard sat on the couch next to the one person who was always here to see Mikey.

"That's me," Gerard nodded, standing up quickly, going over to shake the doctor's hand, introducing himself. Pete stood up but hung back by the couch, trying to remain calm even though his insides were screaming at the thought of something going horribly wrong with Mikey, "How is Mikey? What's happened?"

"Michael is stable," The doctor smiled reassuringly, letting both Pete and Gerard breathe a sigh of relief, "We've run some tests, done some scans and his stomach is fine. We assumed that the cancer had travelled down his spine and had reached his stomach, but luckily it hasn't. His immune system has been greatly weakened because of the treatment he has been receiving and all that happened was that he contracted a stomach bug. Nothing serious."

"So he's going to be okay?" Gerard asked, hoping that the doctor's answer was going to be a positive one. Mikey was a fighter. Gerard knew this. His brother could overcome something like this.

"He will be fine," The doctor answered, "But for now, he has been quarantined to prevent the bug from spreading to the other patients on the ward and to help him recover. He is receiving rehydration treatment and a course of antibiotics. He will get better, it just means that he won't be able to have any visitors until he has fully recovered in a few days time."

"Please, let us know when we can see him again," Gerard requested. The doctor said that as soon as he was well enough to be out of quarantine and to have visitors, he would let them both know.

Gerard assumed that his parents would already have been informed of the situation so he saw no point in contacting them. They would more than likely be in touch with him soon enough to talk about it in great depth.

The doctor left them to it in the waiting room, saying that he had other patients to attend to. He left quickly and Pete was the first to show just how relieved he was.

"I thought that was it for a moment then," Pete said, his voice wavering while he ran his hands through his frizzy hair, "I was so scared."

"Me too... but he's fine," Gerard breathed out, smiling weakly at Pete, "Thank God. I need a smoke now after all of this."

"I really could murder a coffee now if we can't see Mikey yet," Pete added, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets to see what small change he had for the coffee machine in the canteen.

"I'll buy you one," Gerard said, grabbing his wallet and cigarettes from his jacket, hoping for a little company from Pete in the canteen as the pair made their way towards it.

\---

"I can't thank you enough for this, Gerard." Pete gushed as they both picked a table to sit at. Gerard sat down, holding onto his small polystyrene cup of coffee while Pete sat opposite him with a trayful of food.

Pete's card had been rejected several times when he went to pay for his food. Gerard stepped in though, saying how it was the least he could do thanks to how much time Pete had been spending with Mikey.

"It's no big deal," Gerard waved a hand at Pete, "Call it a thank you from me because you've spent so much time with Mikey when I can't."

"I just don't want him to be alone through this," Pete said before he picked up his food. He unwrapped the paper from around his burger before taking a bite, wincing at the taste as he chewed.

It was more than apparent that it wasn't just the patient's food that was horrible. All hospital food was horrible.

"I don't want him to be alone either," Gerard sighed, taking a sip on the sludge that the hospital drinks vending machine claimed to be coffee, "I just wish that I could spend more time with him like you do."

"The good thing is you've got your weekends off now," Pete pointed out optimistically through a mouthful of burger.

"Yeah, I know... but I feel like it still isn't enough. I want Mikey to know that I wish I could spend more time with him."

"Trust me," Pete smiled at Gerard, "He knows that you get here when you can. Hey, you're even here now. It's just..."

"Circumstances."

"Yeah," Pete nodded, feeling down about how Mikey was probably all alone in quarantine. Yes, he was probably asleep, resting, but Pete still didn't want to think about Mikey being all alone through any of this.

Gerard went to say something. He had his mouth open to speak but he got stopped when his phone pinged in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see who was messaging him. Gerard opened the message only to groan at what he read on the screen.

_Hope Mikey is okay. Send him my love. What time do you think that you will be getting to my place so I can begin to get you ready for your hot date Fxo_

"Who is it?" Pete asked when he saw the look of dread on Gerard's face, washing down a mouthful of burger with coffee.

"Who do you think? It's Frank." Gerard started as he began to type out a reply, finishing it off before hitting send.

_I don't know at the moment. Just having some lunch with Pete. I'll be with you as soon as I can._

Pete smirked, watching Gerard set his phone down on the table.

"What?" Gerard questioned.

"Nothing," Pete shook his head while the smile that had formed on his lips remained there, "I'm guessing that you still haven't told Frank that you're gay."

"Of course, I have," Gerard snorted sarcastically, "That's why I have a date with a woman called Lindsey tonight."

"Gerard," Pete whined, shaking his head at Gerard, "Are you ever going to tell Frank that you're gay? Fuck. You have a date with a woman tonight."

"I know. I am fully aware of it, Pete," Gerard groaned, "I'm fucked."

"Speaking of fucked, if the date goes well then this Lindsey woman might want to do just that with you," Pete chuckled, not making the situation any easier for Gerard, "Straight sex, dude."

"Please, don't," Gerard winced, "Vaginas are terrifying enough as it is."

"They're not that bad," Pete shrugged casually as he began to eat the side of fries that came with his burger, "I like them."

"You're bisexual. There's a difference," Gerard pointed out the obvious, "You're alright because you like both. Vaginas are like my worst fear. I've only ever seen one and it was enough to scar me for life. They look like spider faces. Fucking terrifying. Gives me nightmares."

"How gay are you?" Pete laughed, "But seriously, you really do need to come out to Frank."

"I know I do," Gerard sighed, "It's just hard, you know? What with me liking the guy who is straight. Who thinks I'm also straight."

"I do actually understand in a way," Pete admitted, looking down into his coffee, "I mean, I like someone who I'm pretty sure is straight and I have done for so long that it's past the point of hurting now. I want to tell him but... I'm scared about the idea of losing him."

"I'm sure you won't lose him," Gerard reassured Pete, "Come on, you know about me pathetically fawning over Frank all the time. Tell me about this guy who has clearly stolen your heart."

"I don't want to talk about it." Pete shut down immediately at Gerard's questioning, blushing brightly as he poorly attempted to hide his face behind the polystyrene cup that he drank his coffee from.

"Seriously, you know about my sad crush on Frank so tell me. Please?"

"I don't want you to hate me."

"Why on earth would I hate you for liking someone?" Gerard frowned at Pete, "Look, I promise that I won't hate you if you tell me, okay?"

"Just... don't tell him okay? I will tell him eventually. I know that I don't have much time left but I do plan on telling him before the end," Pete continued to blush before he knew that as soon as he had finished talking, Gerard would know exactly who he was talking about.

And he did. It just took Gerard a few moments to realise.

"Wait... you like Mikey?" Gerard stuttered out, processing it. It finally made sense why Pete spent all of his free time in the hospital with Mikey now. It made perfect sense as to why Pete had ended up going to the same college as Mikey all those years ago. It finally made sense as to why Pete had gotten himself so worked up about Mikey earlier, worrying, saying how he wasn't ready to lose him.

"Don't you dare tell him," Pete pointed a finger at Gerard, threatening, "Or I'll tell Frank that you like him."

"Pete, calm down," Gerard told him, "I won't tell Mikey, I promise. But you said that you had liked someone for so long. How long has this been going on for then?"

"Too long. Do you remember the weekend when we were teenagers? The one time I actually got Mikey out of the house and camping in the woods behind my parent's old house? That was the time that he moaned constantly about all the bugs that were trying to get into our tent even though they weren't and to keep Mikey happy I ended up setting up sleeping bags in my parents from room just to stop him from having a full-blown panic attack," Pete said. Gerard vaguely remembered it. Back then, he hadn't been around as much as he probably should have done. He only heard about that evening in broken, biased details from Mikey when he next saw him. The bugs had sounded a lot more unrealistic when Mikey retold his take of staying outside in the woods for a sum total of five hours before it all got to be too much for him.

"Since then?" Gerard looked at Pete who nodded. Gerard was completely astounded that it had gone on for that long without him realising.

"Now do you see why I understand the situation that you're going through with Frank? The good thing with me is that Mikey knows about my sexuality." Pete snorted.

Gerard couldn't argue with that. Pete was right so he just nodded in agreement.

"You see, I always thought that I'd tell Mikey when the time was right. I always thought that I had plenty of time to tell him how I felt," Pete started, already feeling the bubbling ache in his chest as his eyes began to sting, "But now I don't and I hate how I am running out of time with him. I don't have long left and I'm sure that I've missed out on every opportunity that I could have had to tell him how I feel."

Gerard honestly thought that Pete was about to cry with the way that he could see the tears welling up in his eyes. But somehow Pete managed to hold it together. He had no idea how he was doing it, but the good thing was that he was.

"Is this the whole reason why you are here ninety per cent of the time?" Gerard queried as more thing about Pete's friendship, or more his crush on Mikey, began to make sense.

Pete nodded, "I don't want to miss a moment with him," He blushed, already feeling like he was missing out on precious time with Mikey. The sad thing was that there was nothing he could do about it. Mikey wasn't allowed visitors. He was tucked away in quarantine, fighting off a stomach bug.

"How are you even surviving?" Gerard had to ask. He couldn't figure out how Pete could be here all of the time whilst also holding down a job, "My boss finally understands and gives me my weekends off, but what about you? Are you working? Is your workplace reasonable about the situation?"

"Working?" Pete snorted dryly, "I'm not working. Not anymore anyway. My boss let me go three weeks ago. He said that he could understand me taking so much time off if Mikey was family, but he's not. So he basically made me choose."

"And you chose Mikey."

"Of course, I did," Pete smiled, "He's the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Gerard felt sorry for Pete because he had given nearly everything up just for Mikey and eventually, inevitably, he was going to have to give Mikey up too.

Gerard now also understood why Pete's card got declined when he tried to pay for food.

"The good thing is I've got savings and my parents are pretty supportive," Pete continued, "My flat's covered so I'm not going to lose my home. But... I'd rather lose my home than..."

That was when Pete finally broke down. He dropped his head into his hands, sobbing. His whole body shook while he cried quietly.

"Pete," Gerard sighed. He didn't entirely know what to do or say. He wasn't very good when it came to other people's emotions. Gerard could barely deal with his own so how the hell was he supposed to cope with Pete's right now? All he could think of saying was the one line that was supposed to make any and every situation better, even if it wasn't entirely fitting right now, "It's going to be okay."

"No it's not and you know that," Pete snapped, giving Gerard a look of _don't you dare bullshit me right now, "_Mikey's got months to live and you know that. Don't fucking sugarcoat it, Gerard. Frank is probably going to live for another fifty, sixty-odd years. You have time on your side. I don't anymore."

"Pete-"

"The night when we went out camping. When we were just two friends who could go out camping because fuck it, why not... that was the night that I realised I loved him. When we were looking up at the stars. When I was showing him my favourite thing to look at... even though he pissed and moaned about the bugs, worrying that a moth was going to crawl in his ear and lay eggs. I knew from then on that I loved him. I was so in love with him and everything finally made sense to me. But the thing is, I still haven't told him how I feel and I don't know if I will ever be able to tell him now." Pete blurted out through tears and emotions that were spilling out of him before he stopped. He took in a few shaky, deep breaths, trying to calm himself down as he wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks.

"You have to tell him," Gerard spoke now that Pete had calmed down and was ready to listen to him without snapping again, "Pete, promise me that you will talk to him. Mikey loves you-"

"Yeah," Pete snorted, "As a friend."

"But he wouldn't want you hiding things from him. Please, just tell him." Gerard finished once Pete had stopped interrupting him.

"If I tell him then you have to talk to Frank. Just fucking come out to him already." Pete pushed.

It seemed pretty daunting. The whole idea of coming out to Frank, but if Pete was going to talk to Mikey about how he felt, admit his secret, then maybe it would be enough to give Gerard the courage to open up to Frank.

Pete was taking a risk with his friendship. Gerard knew that he was going to have to too.

"Okay," Gerard nodded, "I'll talk to Frank. I'll come out to him."

"Do you promise?" Pete raised an eyebrow, pointing a finger at Gerard, "If I talk to Mikey and I find out that you haven't talked to Frank then I might have to accidentally out you."

"Don't! I will talk to him. I promise," Gerard insisted since now he knew that there was no way out of this. One way or another, Frank would find out, be it coming from himself or Pete. Gerard could just picture it now if Pete told Frank about him. Pete would just casually wrap an arm around Frank, sharing a joke or two with him before Pete would point a knowing finger at Gerard, saying _you do know that your best friend is gay, right? Wait, Gerard didn't tell you? Oh well... now you know._

That would not go down well at all.

"When he is out of quarantine I'll talk to him," Pete spoke as he finished his coffee.

"I need to talk to Frank. Fuck... I have a date tonight." Gerard winced as he remembered how Frank had messaged him saying that Lindsey was so excited to meet him.

"Ditch the date," Pete told Gerard.

"You're bi," Gerard started as an idea formed in his head, "Do you want to go on my date for me? Pretend to be me?"

"Not a fucking chance," Pete laughed, "Just talk to Frank as soon as you see him."

"It isn't that simple." Gerard groaned, staring into his coffee like he was hoping that the hot beverage would come out to Frank on his behalf.

Because pretending to be straight and going out to meet Lindsey seemed so much easier than actually finally admitting to what he had been hiding from Frank for far too long.


	6. Hawaiian Gay Rainbow

Gerard didn't talk to Frank as soon as he saw him. The proof was in how Frank had grabbed Gerard's bag from him the moment that he was with him. Frank took it upon himself to start having a look through the bag that Gerard had brought with him, seeing what clothes his best friend had decided to bring for the date. Gerard remained silent through the whole process, feeling that biding his time was going to help him do this. Finally, come out to someone in his life.

Gerard knew that Pete would be more than annoyed with him, wanting to out him to Frank right now because he hadn't done it like he said he would. As soon as he saw Frank. However, Pete wasn't here right now so Gerard knew that he could just pretend for a little longer. It wasn't even like he didn't want to tell Frank. Gerard wanted to be honest with Frank because he really didn't want to go on this stupid date tonight. It was just hard. Gerard wasn't trying to keep Frank in the dark about his sexuality. He wanted to come clean. They had been friends for so long that Gerard knew that it wasn't fair to keep lying to Frank like this. It was just that pretending was a hell of a lot easier than admitting how very gay he was.

"What the fuck is this?" Frank screwed his nose up, asking the question as he tugged a brightly coloured shirt from Gerard's bag.

"That's my Hawaiian shirt," Gerard answered simply. It seemed a bit obvious what it was because of the pattern, but Gerard assumed that Frank had asked the question because of how hideous he thought it was. The good thing was that Gerard didn't think it was hideous. It was one of his favourite shirts. However, he could just imagine that Frank's opinion on the shirt was something similar to the more than disgusted look on his face. Frank clearly wasn't a fan of the piece of clothing.

"Please tell me that you don't wear this?" Frank winced at the garish colours, holding the shirt at arm's length pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

"I love that shirt. It's one of my favourites," Gerard declared as he snatched the shirt from Frank's grip, "I wear it when my mood matches my shirt."

"What?" Frank snorted out a laugh, "When you're feeling like a gay Hawaiian rainbow?"

Gerard's world ground to a halt as he watched Frank laugh at what he had said. Frank had found it funnier than intended even though he was always one to say that you shouldn't laugh at your own jokes because it's sad, especially in front of women.

But Frank's laughter was dying down as Gerard took in what he said. Gay. Frank had absolutely no idea how dead-on he was with the truth about Gerard. Not that he wore the shirt to feel gayer. He had just happened to have fallen in love with the shirt when he found it in the shop he bought it from. It had been the last one too and it fitted him perfectly. It was like the shirt was destined to be owned by him.

Gerard knew that this would have been the perfect time to sit down with Frank and talk to him about this. He had already mentioned the word that Gerard was so why not casually laugh at Frank's joke before going _well, funny you should say that because..._

Gerard coughed, discarding the shirt to one side while he watched Frank continue to rummage around in his bag, pulling out a battered pair of converse.

Deep breaths, Gerard thought. This is easy, he thought again. If Pete was going to admit to Mikey that he had feelings for him then Gerard knew that he could admit to Frank that he was gay. He just knew to avoid mentioning the part where he had a bit of an oversized crush on who he was coming out to.

Gerard cleared his throat after getting his mind into gear about how he was going to do this before he spoke, "Frank?"

"Yeah?" Frank looked up for a second before looking back down at the contents of Gerard's bag, pulling his wash bag out so it wasn't in the way.

It seemed so much easier to imagine the outcome of this talk in Gerard's head. Frank could be all like _dude, why didn't you tell me sooner? _There would be hugs. Frank could also ask lots of questions. Gerard knew that he had hidden his sexuality from his best friend for far too long to the point that Frank had missed out on Gerard's two, sloppy, drunken one night stands, one of them having happened in a toilet cubicle of the club that they had met in. Plus, he had missed out on hearing about so many short-lived relationships, ending with either Gerard being cheated on, the pair drifting apart due to no connection or the relationship being a sex only thing that Gerard had no idea about. He assumed that there would have been more until it all came to an abrupt end.

Gerard had had his heart broken enough times before and fear was beginning to set in as he imagined Frank not taking his new well at all.

Frank could easily blow up over how Gerard had technically been lying to him since college. He had lied about countless dates, relationships and one night stands. Frank could easily say that he no longer trusted Gerard because he had been lying to him for so long. Frank could easily question Gerard about all the other things that he could have lied about along the way.

Then what if Frank was homophobic? What if he ended up being disgusted with Gerard's life choice? The straight man turning his nose up at the gay man. The idea of losing Frank because of their different preferences had Gerard's head spinning far too fast for his liking.

And then there was the date. Lindsey who was apparently very excited to be meeting him tonight. She would be another person who could judge him for being gay. Plus, Frank would end up being cross at him because he had gone and set this date up for nothing. Wasting the time of two people in the process.

All of a sudden coming out right now didn't seem like a good idea at all. Gerard's mind was racing, filled with negative outcomes for admitting that he was gay. He was desperately trying to find the mental stop button. Slam the brakes on.

Abort.

Abort.

Abort.

"Hey, Gee?" Frank snapped Gerard out of his own head, bringing him back into the calming reality of his unaware best friend who was smiling at him, waiting, "Were you going to say something? You said my name and then didn't speak. Lost you there for a moment."

"Oh," Gerard blushed, shaking his head, "Sorry. I zoned out for a second then."

Not now, Gerard thought. Another time. Gerard wasn't ready to lose Frank because of his taste in men just yet.

"What were you going to say?" Frank pushed as he pulled a black t-shirt out of Gerard's bag, making a pleased _a-ha _sound. He found the one semi-smart item of clothing that Gerard had decided to stuff into his bag this morning when he was packing up, getting ready to leave.

"Nothing... just," Gerard stumbled on his words, trying to think of something else that he could have been wanting to talk about. The shirt. Screw it, Gerard thought. It was a good enough excuse, "I was going to mention that I brought along a black t-shirt but you found it already."

Frank smiled, "Well, it's a better date shirt than that Hawaiian monstrosity of fashion design you own."

"Shut up," Gerard feigned pain over what Frank had said about his favourite shirt, "Or shall I search your wardrobe for the Rainbow Brite t-shirt that you used to wear in college? Because I bet you still have it to this day."

"Fuck off, I don't," Frank blushed brightly, trying to ignore how in the bottom drawer of his chest of drawers, right at the back under the rest of his t-shirts, he still had the really old and battered t-shirt that he used to wear at college all the time because he secretly loved it, wearing it to make a point somehow,

Not that anyone knew what the point was back then.

\---

"Is she here yet?" Gerard asked nervously as he looked around the bar that Frank had told him he was going to be meeting his _date _at. Frank had insisted that he came along because Gerard had no idea what this Lindsey woman looked like and plus, he wanted to support Gerard and basically surprise him with her.

Also, Frank needed a lift into town and since Gerard was getting a taxi there then Frank tagged along. He just avoided mentioning how he had other stuff going on in town other than Gerard's hot date.

"For the near twentieth time, no. I will tell you when she gets here, don't worry." Frank groaned, feeling like a parent who was stuck on a long car journey with a small child who was bored and constantly asking _are we nearly there yet?_

"Why can't you just tell me what she looks like?" Gerard asked as he began to pick at the label on the side of his beer bottle out of sheer nerves. It wasn't the same kind of nerves that he usually felt when he was awaiting the arrival of someone that he actually wanted to date. This was different in the worst way imaginable and the nerves were there because Gerard could just imagine how badly this could all end up being for him if and when Lindsey found out that he was actually gay.

No, this is not a sign of sexual frustration, Gerard thought. Yes, maybe Gerard was in the middle of a long dry spell with no signs of finding anyone that he could or would want to have sex with. But as he tore off a chunk of the label against his thumbnail, he knew that this was just him picking off the label because of the situation that he was in the thick of. Nothing else.

"Because then you will lose the element of surprise if I tell you what she looks like. You won't be blown away by how beautiful she is when she gets here," Frank explained for what felt like the fiftieth time. He was beginning to get really tired of Gerard's questioning.

Lindsey would be here soon anyway so his questions would come to a halt soon enough.

"I just don't want to be shocked, that's all. I mean, are you not telling me what she looks like for a reason?" Gerard pushed, wondering if a woman like Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky was going to walk into the bar, far too excited about finally meeting Gerard, "She knows what I look like. It's not exactly fair if I can't know what she looks like."

"Look," Frank started, "She's stunning, okay?"

"Then why didn't you sleep with her if she is so _stunning?"_

She clearly couldn't be all that if Frank hadn't chosen to bed her. But then again, it didn't matter to Gerard anyway. She could have walked in looking more stunning than any supermodel that Frank could have easily drooled over, but she wouldn't have been what Gerard wanted.

"Because she was dating someone when I met her. I'm not a cheater, Gee. We just became friends instead." Frank explained before he took a sip of his beer.

"Friends? So you two have never had anything on the side?"

"She isn't like Jamia. Look, you need to stop being so nervous. You're going to love her. She's going to love you and maybe you might even get lucky tonight." Frank smiled and winked, wrapping an arm around Gerard, pulling him into a supposedly reassuring hug even though to Gerard the hug just made him feel more uncomfortable about the setup.

Gerard couldn't show how he truly felt though. That would mean admitting why he was feeling the way he was about the date. That would mean coming out to Frank and Gerard knew that it really wasn't a good idea to do that right before he met with the woman that Frank had purposely set him up with.

Pretending was easier. Pretending was comfortable. Pretending was something that Gerard was used to doing with Frank. He knew it would be easier to just keep at it. Pretending. Mask how he really felt with something that would throw Frank off the real reason why he was nervous.

"Don't put pressure on me," Gerard said, even though it wasn't the pressure he was worried about. It was the idea of Lindsey liking him so much that she would want to bed him. That worried him the most because there was no way he could pretend through that, "As if I'm not nervous enough already."

"What have you got to be worried about?" Frank frowned, smirking, "You're an absolute catch. You're dressed to impress. I'm pretty sure that you will be able to hold a conversation with her."

"That's the thing," Gerard pointed out, "You have told her about me but I know nothing about her. What am I supposed to talk about with her?"

"The usual spiel, come on, Gerard," Frank answered, "Get to know her. Ask her about herself. But not just the usual questions. Throw her off and surprise her. Like... ask her what she does to unwind. What she thinks the ugliest animal is. The strangest place she's ever been."

That sounded daunting to Gerard. As much as he knew that he could use this kind of advice on a date that he wanted to be on, actually using it on the date with Lindsey, he didn't know if he could do it. He didn't want Lindsey to think that he was different from the other guys. Yes, he was, with the fact that he was gay, but knowing her she would probably only end up being into him more if he seemed different. Coming across like every other typical guy on a first date seemed like the best thing to do to Gerard. She may have found him dull and boring. It may have turned her off him and then the date would end without her wanting more from him.

"Just relax. You'll be fine. Plus, I am more than confident that Mr Sexually Frustrated here will get some action tonight."

Gerard blushed brightly as Frank picked up his beer bottle, tapping on the label that had been partially scraped off.

"Doing this does not mean I am sexually frustrated," Gerard spoke fast, grabbing his beer back from Frank.

"We'll see," Frank smirked, looking over his shoulder again before smiling at Gerard, "She's here."

"What?" Gerard stuttered out, looking around the bar to see if there was a woman walking towards them. Gerard saw her. A woman with pale skin, long, black hair, dressed in jeans, knee-high boots and a more than revealing t-shirt came towards them. For a second, Gerard hoped that the woman wasn't Lindsey, but he was proven wrong as he watched the woman walk up to Frank. She smiled at him before embracing him in a hug.

"Frank," She beamed as the two of them hugged, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"My man needs a wingman," Frank explained, pulling out of their hug.

"Does he really need a wingman when he already has a date?" The woman who Gerard could only assume was Lindsey questioned.

"He needs something." Frank winked at Gerard, making Gerard wish that the ground would crack open and swallow him whole. Remove him from this moment in time where it was only going to get worse for him.

"Hi," The woman turned to look at Gerard, introducing herself, "I'm Lindsey."

"Gerard," Gerard stuttered out, wishing that this date wasn't about to start any moment now.

Frank couldn't leave. If he didn't leave then the date couldn't begin.

Or more Gerard would rather have gone on a date with Frank, but that scenario wasn't going to happen in a million years and Gerard knew that.

Unless Gerard could somehow magically grow breasts and a vagina, becoming a woman. Then Frank might have considered dating him for once.

Her. Gerard tried to stop his mind from overworking, removing himself mentally from the situation as he considered what his new pronouns would be if he was to one day change into a woman as if by magic, just for Frank. Gerard remembered where he was when he snapped out of his split-second thought. In the middle of hell on earth.

"Frank has told me all about you." Lindsey giggled.

"Has he now?" Gerard asked, looking towards Frank, wondering what on earth Frank had told her about him already.

Not that they knew everything about him. They didn't know that Gerard was gay and if they did, neither Gerard nor Lindsey would be here right now, about to go out on a date together.

If it ended up being a simple date that didn't involve kissing or any mentions of sex then Gerard knew that he would be able to get away with playing the straight card, pretending to be someone who just wasn't interested in Lindsey. At least if that worked out then he could just say that he was really fussy when it came to women instead of actually telling the truth.

But what if Lindsey did try to make a move on him? What if Lindsey was expecting more out of tonight? What if she was expecting sex at the end of the date? Then Frank would probably, no, definitely find out Gerard's secret because Lindsey would go back to him, asking why on earth he had gone and set her up with a gay man.

This was a mess and Gerard wanted to run as far from it as possible. Sadly though, he couldn't get out of it now when he had both Lindsey and Frank in front of him.

"As much as I would love to stay and chat, I don't want to be a third wheel," Frank said before he drained his beer, "I'm going to leave you two lovebirds to it. Plus, I've got a date myself."

"Janey?" Gerard queried curiously, half expecting Frank to be more than captivated by this woman purely because she had a jacuzzi.

"No," Frank admitted as he stood up, putting his jacket on.

"Really?" Gerard raised an eyebrow at Frank, "The jacuzzi didn't keep you interested in her? The exotic piercing?"

"Nah. She was... too into the idea of commitment with me," Frank shuddered at the idea, "I met Alicia last night. She's just... wow."

"Is this why you insisted on coming with me?" Gerard asked, "You were pretending to be here for me when actually you just wanted a free ride into town?"

"Hey, I did want to be here for you. Also, you didn't know what Lindsey looked like. You had no idea what to expect-"

"Because you wouldn't tell me." Gerard cut in.

"I'm your wingman. I was here for you, Gee. But now I'm off to go and see the lovely Alicia. I promise I'll pay my half of the taxi fare back." Frank smiled, hoping that Gerard would easily forget about the fare so that he wouldn't have to pay a penny.

"Go on then. Go and do everything that I wouldn't do," Gerard spoke pointedly but neither Lindsey nor Frank batted an eyelid at what he had just said.

It was more than obvious that their gaydars were non-existent.

"Plan to." Frank winked at Gerard before saying goodbye to both of them.

Gerard watched Frank leave for a second before turning to look at Lindsey. The smiling date of his. Gerard felt absolutely terrified. This was a date but it was with a woman. This was Gerard's idea of hell on earth, what with the fact that she thought that he was straight. Plus, she was all perfectly styled hair, makeup, women's clothing, breasts and the area that really did scare Gerard a lot.

I'm alone with her, Gerard thought. I'm screwed.

"So, do you want to have a drink here first?" Lindsey asked when she noticed that Gerard had nearly finished his beer, ignoring the label on the bottle that was pretty much all scratched off now, "Or do you want to go and get some dinner?"

"Dinner." Gerard finally spoke, nodding quickly as he thought that if they skipped drinks at the bar then this awful idea of a _date _would be over sooner rather than later.


	7. Gerard Way A.K.A. Joey Tribbiani

Gerard had a perfect idea of how a first date with someone would go for him. It would be nothing too fancy. Just something simple just in case the date ended up not working out. Maybe they could get some food. Have dinner in a nice quiet restaurant. They could share a two-seater table or even get one of those little quiet booths so there could be more privacy for him and his date. They could get to know each other over good food and drink. Share a few jokes. Connect with each other. Gerard would even consider throwing in some casual flirting to test the water. See if the date was going well. They could attempt to create a bind that would get Gerard deciding if he wanted a second date with the person sitting across from him.

Then after dinner, they could walk to wherever they were heading. Maybe Gerard would walk his date home. Test the water even more by holding hands on the way back. Maybe when they got to wherever they were heading they could share a kiss. Share the moment where the magic would spark between them thanks to their first kiss. Seal the deal. Hopefully, leading to one of them saying that they had had a really nice time and that they wanted to do this again.

Gerard wanted that so much when it came to dating. It was just that he wasn't experiencing any of that right now.

Lindsey was sat across the table from him, sipping on a glass of wine. The waiter had offered Gerard a glass of wine, however, he pointed to his glass of beer in front of him. The beer was going flat now because the waiter had poured it for Gerard and it tasted horrible. Maybe that had been the waiter's plan all along. Ruin Gerard's beer so that he would be more inclined to throw more money at an overpriced bottle of wine. Gerard had declined the offer of a glass, but Lindsey had to go and say yes to one. The waiter had to go and set a wine cooler down by their table. The bottle of wine was now theirs so it seemed. All because Lindsey had wanted one glass from the bottle. She was even driving so she wasn't going to be having more than one glass. Gerard hated having to spend money on a bottle of wine that he wasn't even going to drink. He really didn't want to pay for it as the bottle sat amongst the ice in the cooler, being kept cold for no one to drink.

If this had been a date that Gerard actually wanted to be on then he wouldn't have minded throwing money at a bottle of wine that he wouldn't be drinking. Not on this date though. Gerard was going to make sure that their bill was split fairly at the end of the night.

"So, other than what Frank has already told me about you," Lindsey chuckled, setting her wine glass down on the table, "I don't actually know much about you."

Good, Gerard thought as he drank a mouthful of his beer. But then he realised why Lindsey had said that to him. It was a cue for Gerard to tell her about himself. Gerard panicked. A woman who was apparently interested in him was wanting to know more about him. Right now, Gerard felt like he was a fourteen-year-old nerd who had never had a girl talk to him up until right this very second. Gerard felt the nerves building up inside of him as he tried to figure out what to say. As much as Frank had given Gerard tips on what to say, he could only think that his nervousness and the way that his mouth went dry as he tried to talk was because of the fact that Lindsey didn't do it for him. Yes, Gerard had noticed how Lindsey had casually tugged her t-shirt down a little, exposing a little more cleavage to him. He had even raised an eyebrow slightly because he didn't see the attraction of breasts. Yes, he knew that they had a purpose. He had seen mothers feeding babies in coffee shops and restaurants with a blanket draped over their shoulder to discreetly breastfeed. Gerard knew what was going on when he saw that and that didn't faze him. He saw that as a natural thing that didn't freak him out at all.

It was just that Gerard didn't get why guys were so fascinated with breasts a lot of the time. He had seen guys staring at girls chests before, going near drooling because said breasts were either big or pushed up or the girl that they were looking at wasn't wearing a bra at all. Or just anything for that matter. As long as it appeared to be breast-related then Gerard could tell when a guy was looking at them.

And Frank was a perfect example.

Many times Gerard had been out with Frank. Many times he had noticed Frank staring at women and their breasts. Gerard also noticed how Frank seemed to zone out when a pair of breasts caught and held his attention. How long he zoned out for was all dependant on how big the breasts were. Gerard even remembered one time that he and Frank had gone out to a local bar to catch up. They had been talking about something, actually getting quite in-depth with whatever they had been talking about. But when a woman with ample breasts walked past their table, Gerard lost Frank. He stopped talking mid-word and his eyes followed the woman while he sipped on his beer. Gerard accepted that he had lost Frank for a moment thanks to a woman and what puberty had gifted her with, but what he wasn't expecting was how Frank completely forgot what they had been talking about. He even chose to excuse himself for a moment so he could go and talk to the woman, leaving Gerard all by himself at the table.

Gerard knew that Frank had even ditched him that night to go and have sex with the woman who had killed their conversation thanks to her breasts. Gerard couldn't remember her name. Frank probably couldn't either. Gerard also didn't care, even though Frank had told him all about her and what they had gotten up to the next day. Gerard just zoned out like he usually did as Frank went into great detail about the sex and how flexible she had been. He nodded along like always and answered convincingly when he was required to.

Gerard wondered if Lindsey had put on a bra to push her breasts up and in to make them look bigger, hoping to lure Gerard into bed with her. Hypnotise him with her chest. However, Gerard was not hypnotised and he knew that he wasn't going to want to sleep with her, ever. Unless Lindsey presented Gerard with some hunk of a man in the restaurant. A man with a behind that Gerard would love to grab. Plus anything bigger than six inches would be more than okay for him.

Not that Gerard was a size queen. He just liked to feel when someone was fucking him.

For a moment, Gerard felt so in tune with Frank in a weird way. Frank liked his girls to be larger up front, Gerard liked his guys to be well endowed. So similar in an odd way. Frank, being the size king and of course, Gerard, the size queen.

"You want to know about me?" Gerard stuttered out as a waiter came over to their table with menus for them. They both thanked the waiter and Gerard immediately turned his attention to the menu, avoiding having to tell Lindsey about himself.

The lasagne sounds nice, Gerard thought as he spotted it on the menu.

"Yeah. Like, where you grew up. What you do for a living. How the hell you let Frank set you up." Lindsey chuckled as she too scanned over the menu she had been given.

"Frank kind of insisted. There was no getting out of it." Gerard laughed dryly, setting his menu down on the table.

Being gay would have got him out of the date, that was if Gerard had actually grown the balls earlier to tell Frank who he was and more than definitely not into Lindsey.

Lindsey smirked at that, "Yeah. Frank said that I would love you so I couldn't say no to him. So, come on, tell me something about yourself."

Gerard didn't want to go into great detail about his personal life since it wasn't like he was trying to get Lindsey to like him. He wanted her to not want another date with him. She had to think that he was dull as ditchwater, or at least not her cup of tea. So Gerard wanted to give her the most basic of details about him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Gerard told her how he grew up locally, lived there, worked somewhere and family was a no go area. Gerard didn't want to tell her about Mikey. Gerard even considered leaving Mikey out of the conversation altogether, but it wouldn't have been fair and Gerard knew that he could never leave Mikey out of anything, even if the something was this appalling date that he wished had ended before it had even started.

"Do you have family in New York or do they live elsewhere?" Lindsey asked as a waiter came over to their table, standing patiently with a pen in his hand, poised to write on a small pad of paper in his other hand, ready to take their order.

"I'll have the chicken, please," Lindsey smiled at the waiter, handing her menu back to him.

"Lasagne," Gerard spoke as the waiter took his menu.

"Would you like a side with that, sir?" The waiter asked whilst taking down Gerard's order.

"Erm... fries, please," Gerard smiled.

"Oh, we can share them then. Saves me ordering fries." Lindsey piped up, making Gerard internally groan.

Gerard felt like he had a connection with a certain character from a popular sitcom. Gerard didn't like to share his food, just like a certain Joey Tribbiani. His food was his and nobody else's.

Once Gerard had let Frank share his food, but it had been back in college and Frank had been horrendously baked, telling Gerard that if he didn't eat he was going to die. So Gerard let Frank finish off his portion of fries out of the kindness of his heart. Or more not wanting a stoned Frank to get unbelievably irritable and unbearable if he didn't satiate his munchies.

That, however, had been a one-off and right now Gerard really didn't want to share his food with Lindsey. Not just because of his no sharing food thing. He also didn't want Lindsey to think that they had some sort of bond forming just because she got to eat some of his food. Gerard really didn't want Lindsey eating his fries but he knew that he wouldn't be able to get away with stabbing Lindsey in the back of the hand with his fork every time she attempted to take a fry from his plate.

The waiter left once their orders had been taken. Lindsey smiled at Gerard, patiently waiting for him to answer the question that she had asked before they had been interrupted. Gerard didn't answer though. He just drank more of his beer until he saw Lindsey watching him intently.

"So... your family?" Lindsey asked again, hoping that Gerard would be able to answer her with no interruptions this time around.

"My family is dysfunctional," Gerard sighed because he knew that Lindsey probably wouldn't change the subject until he had answered her question, "My mom is worried about me not settling down. How I'm nearly thirty and not married. She tries to set me up with random people in an attempt to get me to want to settle down and commit."

"Sounds like my mom, to be honest." Lindsey chuckled."

"My dad is more laid back about it all though. Or more he doesn't seem to care about forcing me to settle down. He gets me in a weird way, I think. But he would rather watch The Price Is Right in his recliner whilst not wearing any trousers." Gerard continued. Lindsey laughed at the last part. Gerard hadn't intended for it to be funny. He watched Lindsey snort out a laugh. Gerard wished that his father would wear trousers around his house because, to him, it wasn't funny at all. Gerard was being serious about it and what worried him was that he knew that some women found a good sense of humour attractive. Gerard didn't want Lindsey finding him attractive because of what he had told her.

Eventually, her laughter stopped. She calmed down before speaking again, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Gerard sunk a little in his chair. He knew that he could just tell Lindsey that he didn't to avoid the whole Mikey area, but he didn't want to just brush Mikey under the carpet like he didn't exist. Gerard loved Mikey so much that it hurt to think about cutting him out.

Lindsey also noticed how Gerard had reacted to her question and she worried that she had hit a sore subject.

"I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No. You didn't," Gerard insisted since he knew that he couldn't avoid the subject now, "I have a younger brother. Mikey. It's just... it's a sensitive subject."

"Oh," Lindsey nodded, "I'm sorry. Is he estranged or something?"

Gerard didn't want to go into great detail about it because he knew that if he did then it would be like turning a tap on for him. Everything about Mikey would just end up coming out.

Or maybe talking to someone new about it would help. Like therapy. Maybe Gerard could lift some of the weight off his shoulders by opening up to Lindsey a little bit.

Not opening up to get Lindsey to feel sorry for him. He didn't want a sympathy vote or even a sympathy date. He just wanted to attempt to open up to another person about Mikey.

"He's in hospital. He's sick... but it's the kind of sick that the doctors can't fix," Gerard started, taking a sip of his beer when he finished talking.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." Lindsey apologised as her hand reached over the table and took hold of Gerard's. He flinched a little when he felt Lindsey's thumb stroking over the back of his hand.

He could sense that he had got a sympathy vote from the way that she was looking at him. Her big, soft, sympathetic eyes watched him intently. She would probably end up wanting to give him sympathy sex too, just to make him feel better at the end of the night.

Gerard did not want that at all.

"It's fine," Gerard spoke, pulling his hand away from Lindsey's, "He has time but not a lot of it. Our parents accept it when they are visiting him, but the rest of the time they are in near-complete denial about Mikey having terminal cancer- can... can we talk about something else? This is a bit of a sensitive subject for me." Gerard asked when he started to feel his emotions about Mikey starting to clog up in his chest.

He didn't need another sympathy vote from Lindsey right now.

"Of course," Lindsey smiled sweetly, "What do you want to talk about?"

Gerard decided that he didn't want Lindsey asking him more questions, so it seemed more than appropriate to turn the very same question she had asked him back onto her.

"Tell me about yourself."

\---

Gerard learnt that Lindsey was an artist. She lived locally and had become friends with Frank at a house party. Of course, Frank had tried to hit on her, but he failed once he found out that she had a boyfriend at the time when they met. Now they were good friends thanks to it. She laughed at how he had tried to get with her with some terribly cheesy line that made Gerard laugh too. It screamed Frank and Gerard felt himself being reminded of the fact that he had no chance of being with Frank. Probably a chance with Lindsey, or at least that was what Lindsey was thinking as she went on about how Frank had been expecting her to jump into bed with him. It was the Frank way after all.

Gerard also learnt that Lindsey did in fact share food, but it was more extreme than he had expected. Gerard could easily say that Lindsey did share food, as long as she got most of what was being shared. Lindsey ended up taking nearly ninety per cent of Gerard's fries while he ate his lasagne, leaving him more than unhappy about the situation.

If Frank had done it then Gerard probably would have given in, letting him get away with it without question. Frank probably would have made a joke about it in some way before winking at Gerard. Gerard then probably would have ended up giving him all of his fries because it was Frank and Gerard knew that he would give him anything that he wanted, just because of who he was.

But when Lindsey did it, Gerard silently stewed away, wanting to tell her that he had intentionally ordered the fries for himself and no one else. He had to fight back the urge to slap her hand away from his fries countless times when she reached out to grab more, leaving him with only five fries to have for himself.

He had lasagne sauce and cheese to mop up from his plate. The fries had been ordered for that reason alone. Not for Lindsey to steal. What was he supposed to do now? Gerard wasn't going to start mopping up the remainder of his lasagne with his fingers. Or even pick up the plate to start licking it clean.

Gerard considered the last option for a split second, thinking that it might have meant that Lindsey would lose interest in him. He could imagine the horrified look on her face as he ran his tongue across the plate, lapping up the last of his dinner. The people in the vicinity of their table would probably be horrified with him too, seeing him being so uncivilised in a somewhat fancy restaurant. It seemed like such a good thing to do. Scare Lindsey off not only with the fact that he was actually gay but with the fact that he was going to come across as a bit of a heathen when it came to dining etiquette.

Gerard didn't do it though since he didn't entirely want to look like some sort of starving animal in the middle of a busy restaurant. Gerard just settled for mopping up what he could with the five fries he had left before the waiter came over and took their plates away.

Gerard passed when the waiter offered them both the dessert menu. Gerard just wanted the date to be over right now. He had actually wanted the date to be over about an hour ago, which meant that the date would have been done and dusted before the food had even been ordered, but at least then Lindsey wouldn't have stolen and eaten most of his fries.

He asked Lindsey if it was okay that they got the bill, claiming that he had to be driving home once he got back to Frank's place. She looked a little put out about the evening coming to an end so soon, especially since she knew that Gerard shouldn't be driving home after the two beers he had had. He was over the limit. Not drunk, but not safe to drive, however, she still said that she was okay with it as Gerard got one of the waiter's attention to get the bill.

Gerard wasn't driving home once he got back to Frank's place. He had Frank's spare key so he could get in and crash on the sofa for the night. He just wanted an excuse to leave as soon as he could.

"Are you sure that you don't want one more drink before you go? If you end up over the limit to drive home then you can always stay at my place." Lindsey said, already knowing that Gerard was over the limit as the two of them left the restaurant.

Gerard winced. He could see through what Lindsey had said. Staying at Lindsey's would probably end up with her trying to get him into bed. Gerard did not want that to happen since then he would have to admit that he was gay just so she wouldn't want to have sex with him.

That wouldn't go down well. It would go down like a bomb was being dropped into the situation, blowing everything completely out of proportion, including Lindsey's reaction to what he would have to admit to her.

"Thank you," Gerard smiled, "But I really do have to be getting home."

"Okay," Lindsey nodded, trying to hide her sadness over the fact that the date was coming to an end a lot earlier than she had expected, "Well, I've had a lovely evening."

Gerard nodded, feigning agreement even though he felt like he had had probably one of the most awkward dates of his life, "Me too."

Gerard thought that he was out of the woods and in the clear as he pulled his phone out of his coat pocket to order a taxi. He thought that he had gotten away with the date. Playing the straight card without having to do anything straight with Lindsey. Gerard was hoping that Lindsey wouldn't want a goodnight kiss from him, but Gerard was so wrong when he felt lips on his own. Female lips coated in lipstick, pressed against his.

Gerard froze as Lindsey kissed him. His whole body seized up as Lindsey attempted to deepen the kiss. It failed and even Lindsey noticed how Gerard wasn't kissing her back. She pulled away to see the look of shock on Gerard's face which only made her panic.

"Oh my God," Lindsey stuttered, "I'm so sorry. You weren't ready. I completely fucked up."

"No, Lindsey. It's not that-"

"I thought we had hit it off. Fuck, this date didn't go well at all. Fuck-"

"Lindsey, please listen to me. It's not you-"

"It's me. I know. But it _is _me. Oh, God. You don't like me that way." Lindsey babbled as she started to look oh so embarrassed that she had made a move on Gerard when he didn't want her to.

"Lindsey, I can explain-"

"That you're not attracted to me? I get that now. That's why you wanted to leave now. I can see it now-"

"Lindsey," Gerard snapped softly to shut her up. He knew that he was going to have to be honest with her now. Lindsey was surely going to flip out, but he had to do it. Gerard didn't have any other choice, "You're stunning. Any guy would be lucky to have you. It's just... fuck, Lindsey... I'm gay."

A second of shocked silence passed before Lindsey choked out, not quite believing what Gerard had said, "What? Don't play the gay card to try and make me feel better because it really isn't making me feel any better."

"Lindsey, I swear I am not playing any card. I'm telling you the truth. I'm gay."

Gerard waited for Lindsey to slap him because he had been lying to her the whole night and he had done nothing but waste her time. He felt like it was coming any moment now before Lindsey would storm off, but it never happened. Gerard had prepared himself for nothing as Lindsey looked at him, completely baffled.

"Why the fuck would Frank set me up with you if you're gay?"

"I think we will both need a drink if I am going to tell you that," Gerard spoke starting to make his way back towards the bar where the evening had first started. Lindsey followed on behind, wondering what on earth was going on.

\---

"He doesn't know?" Lindsey stuttered out her question as Gerard took a long drink on his beer.

"I never told him. I thought he would hate me or judge me... so I just kept my sexuality a secret from him." Gerard explained as he began to thumb at the label on his beer bottle.

He wasn't sexually frustrated. Frank was wrong. He was just nervous because of the situation.

"And you've kept it a secret for how long?" Lindsey asked curiously because she had no idea how long Gerard had been friends with Frank for.

Gerard sighed. he didn't want to admit that it had been a long time, but he knew that honesty was the best policy when it came to stuff like this.

"Since college," Gerard admitted after taking a sip of his beer, "I was going to tell him... but he used to make fun of this guy back then. Frank used to call him a fag because he was gay and had a boyfriend... so I never told Frank that I was gay. I got scared that he would call me a fag and make fun of me too."

"But you guys aren't in college anymore. He's grown up... to a certain degree, I'm sure. He won't call you a fag." Lindsey spoke reassuringly, hoping that Gerard would get that.

"But what if he does call me a fag? What if he does judge me? We've been friends for so long that I cannot bear to think about losing him as a friend." Gerard groaned. He really didn't want to lose Frank. They had been best friends since forever and Gerard swore that it would have felt weird if all of a sudden Frank was cut out of his life for good because of his sexuality.

Gerard just decided not to tell Lindsey about his crush on Frank. That was something that was going to remain a secret around Lindsey, especially if she was the kind of friend to Frank who would dish out gossip like _guess who fancies you. _Gerard did not want Lindsey outing him and throwing out the fact that he had stronger feelings for Frank.

"If he's your best friend then he won't judge you. You have to talk to him, Gerard," Lindsey said, still not believing that Gerard had kept his sexuality a secret from Frank for so long. It didn't seem real but it really was.

"You have no idea how many times I have had people tell me that recently," Gerard snorted as he tore a chunk of the label from the bottle in his hand, "I went to tell him earlier but I got scared. I panicked and imagined him not taking the news well. So I backed out of telling him."

"If you don't tell him he will find out, you know. One day Frank will figure it all out. He's not an idiot." Lindsey pointed out, picking up the torn label that Gerard had dumped on the bar. She raised an eyebrow at Gerard whilst showing him what he had done.

Even Lindsey knew that what Gerard was doing was a sign of sexual frustration.

"I'm not sexually frustrated," Gerard snapped, earning himself a smirk from the barman who had overheard and a smirk from Lindsey as she dropped the destroyed label back onto the bar, "And I know that I have to tell him. I want to tell him before he figures it out for himself. Or before anyone decides to out me."

Gerard was already worrying about Pete threatening to out him if he didn't talk to Frank. Gerard already knew that Pete wasn't going to be happy with him right now since Gerard had originally said that he was going to talk to Frank as soon as he saw him.

"Plus, if you don't tell him then he might just keep setting you up with girls," Lindsey smirked.

"Oh God no," Gerard groaned before he saw the look on Lindsey's face, "No offence to you."

"None taken."

"Please don't tell Frank anything if he asks how tonight went, okay?" Gerard pleaded, hoping that Lindsey wouldn't out him, "I want to talk to him. I know I have to talk to him."

"I promise I won't. Your sexuality isn't my thing to tell Frank. It's yours," Lindsey reassured Gerard, "I'll just tell him that it didn't work out but we decided to be friends instead."

"Thanks." Gerard smiled.

"Please talk to him though. Don't leave Frank in the dark," Lindsey said, "Once he knows then everything will be so much easier for you."

"I really hope so." Gerard sighed before finishing his beer.


	8. No, Of Course Gerard Didn't Sleep With Him Because He Looked Like Frank...

"What do you mean you guys didn't hit it off?" Frank practically shouted down the phone when he heard the news about Gerard's date with Lindsey.

Gerard hadn't seen Frank before he left to go home. Frank had ended up spending the night with Alicia so Gerard just ended up leaving a note for Frank when he got home reading _Bye. See you next weekend._

Frank got home this morning, Monday morning, and found Gerard's note. Now was the time that Frank wanted to know everything about the date since he was no longer preoccupied with Alicia.

He had already heard Lindsey's side of the story so it was now Gerard's turn to fill Frank in on what had happened. Frank hadn't entirely believed Lindsey's side of the story so Gerard had to have a damn good excuse as to why their date hadn't worked. That was if their stories matched.

Frank thought that Lindsey would have been perfect for Gerard so he really didn't understand why it hadn't worked out for the two of them.

"We just didn't connect. Sorry, Frank." Gerard apologised, pinching his phone between his ear and shoulder so he could pull out his wallet to buy cigarettes from the shop he was in.

"She was perfect for you. She's an artist. You're arty. She likes music. You like music-"

"This isn't about finding two people with the same interests and sticking them together, hoping that they will work out. Sometimes it just doesn't." Gerard sighed as he handed his money to the cashier, opening his fresh packet of cigarettes before he left the shop.

"It tends to fucking help," Frank grumbled down the phone and Gerard could just imagine Frank frowning down the phone at him right now.

God, Gerard thought that Frank was cute when he frowned. Especially when he got the little frown crease at the top of his nose and the way that he pursed his lips together. That was beyond adorable in Gerard's eyes.

Gerard felt safe thinking about Frank like that because he was home, on his way to work and a good hour drive away from Frank right now.

"Well, it didn't help the other night. Sorry, buddy." Gerard apologised again as he opened his cigarettes, tugging one of the sticks out between his teeth.

"Do you want me to set you up with someone else? I know this other girl, Brody. She's a fucking firecracker. A little scary if you get on the wrong side of her, but she is amazing-"

"I don't want any more setups," Gerard cut Frank off with a mumble, holding his cigarette between his lips while he searched for his lighter in his jacket. He found it and quickly lit his cigarette before continuing, "I know you are only trying to help, but I don't need the help."

"So when did you last get laid?" Frank asked, making Gerard choke on his cigarette.

"Frank! I'm in public. I can't discuss that shit with you right now." Gerard blushed. He knew that no one could hear what Frank was saying to him down the phone, but still, it was the idea of having this conversation in public that was making Gerard's cheeks heat up uncontrollably.

"You don't have to say the word sex. Just give me a time frame." Frank continued on.

"I'm not telling you when I last..." Gerard's voice died out as he looked around to see people walking past him on the street. Yes, they were people that probably didn't care about what Gerard was saying down the phone, but he still feared that someone would listen in and find it hilarious if Gerard actually did admit that he hadn't had sex in eight months.

"A month? Two months? Three? Four-"

"Frank!" Gerard hissed down the phone as he blew smoke out into the air.

"Five? Seriously, six months? Fuck, if it is more than six months then I really need to get you laid." Frank winced. He couldn't imagine going six months without sex. He had barely gone six hours without sex and Alicia had joined him in the shower this morning to dirty up what he had already cleaned.

So really, it was less than two hours for Frank if anyone was actually counting.

Gerard hated the fact that he hadn't had sex in eight months. It was such a long time to go without that kind of intimacy. The hand was good, but it wasn't the same as having another person having sex with him.

Gerard missed it to the point that he remembered the last person he had actually had sex with. It was one of the few one night stands that he had had. He didn't usually do them. Gerard was able to count the amount of one night stands he had had on one hand. He wasn't like Frank. But Gerard had chosen to have sex with this guy purely because of the hairstyle he had which reminded Gerard of someone he was friends with.

Gerard had been more than on his way to being drunk when he spotted this guy called Jeph across the club. Gerard had even had to do a double-take when he first spotted him. The black and peroxide blond hair had had a striking effect on Gerard to the point that for a second he wondered if time travel was possible. Or even if a wormhole had somehow popped up in the middle of the club, bringing this Frank lookalike into his life. That was all drunk thoughts though and Gerard knew that it wasn't a nineteen-year-old Frank stood across the club from him. Jeph was just a man with a very similar hairstyle who had ended up walking over when he noticed Gerard watching him. Jeph had offered him a beer. They got talking and before Gerard knew it, everything escalated barely two hours later.

Gerard had ended up taking Jeph home with him. Having drunk sex with him. Gerard would never admit that the reason he had sex with Jeph was that subconsciously he reminded him of Frank. Gerard knew that he would never be able to be with Frank sexually, so being fucked by a guy who reminded him of a younger Frank from college was the next best thing.

Luckily Gerard had called out the right name in bed as he came. That would have been more than awkward if he had ended up calling out Frank's name in bed as Jeph pushed him through his orgasm. He wouldn't have been able to explain himself and of course, there would have been no recovery from that.

And that was eight months ago. A long time ago as Gerard smoked his cigarette whilst still being on the phone to Frank.

"Let's just say it was a long time ago," Gerard admitted as he stopped outside the final place he wanted to go to before he went to work.

Starbucks.

"So it was more than six months ago," Frank spoke quickly. Gerard wondered if it was possible for Frank to be able to read his mind. Like he had gained the ability thanks to them being friends for so long. Gerard just wondered how in the world Frank had figured it out from the little information he had told him.

"I never said that." Gerard stuttered out, blushing.

"You didn't need to. A long time ago usually means more than six months. Fuck, how the hell have you survived, Gee? No wonder you were tearing the label off your beer. I'm surprised that you didn't tear the bar down that we were in because of this." Frank chuckled down the phone.

"Picking the label off a beer bottle does not mean I'm sexually frustrated." Gerard groaned out the reminder for Frank, pinching the bridge of his nose tight out of frustration.

"It's a sign," Frank said, "Also probably the reason why your date with Lindsey didn't go well. You haven't had sex in so long that your nerves probably fucked it up for you."

Gerard snorted. Yeah, that wasn't the reason why the date hadn't worked out. His flaming homosexuality had killed the date off, leaving it dead and floating in the water.

Frank just didn't know that. Lindsey had promised that she wouldn't out him and she had kept her promise. Gerard was more than grateful for that.

He knew that he would eventually have to tell Frank why the date hadn't worked out, he just wasn't going to tell Frank that yet. Not over the phone while Gerard finished his cigarette and stubbed the butt out under his shoe.

"Are you sure that you don't want me to set you up with Brody? She could definitely break your dry spell. Bring your sex drive back. Trust me, she will be better than your hand." Frank told Gerard, making him stutter out a breath.

Gerard was kind of fond of his hand. It was the only meaningful sexual relationship he appeared to be having at the moment. It may not have been as good as another person's hand or another person's mouth or even another person's ass, but it was doing the job quite nicely at the moment. Gerard really didn't want Frank setting him up with some possibly terrifying woman.

She probably wouldn't react as well as Lindsey had done if Gerard told her that he was in fact gay.

"No, Frank," Gerard spoke as he decided that this conversation needed to end now before Frank set him up yet again with another woman, "I'm good."

"You sure-"

"I've got to go to work," Gerard cut Frank off abruptly as he walked into his local Starbucks, "I'll text you when I'm heading over to see Mikey, okay? Bye, Frank."

"But Gerar-"

Gerard didn't hear the rest of what Frank had to say because he ended the call swiftly, pocketing his phone as he joined the queue in Starbucks.

Gerard knew for a fact that he wasn't going to be letting Frank set him up with anyone again. That ship had sailed and Gerard knew that he had to admit that he was gay to Frank before any more random dates with random women Frank knew got arranged.

Gerard ordered his coffee, but when he got his usual large latte to go there was no little love heart doodle on the lid. The barista who usually made his drink obviously hadn't made it today. It was another barista that had made it. Some guy that Gerard didn't recognise. Surprisingly, Gerard actually felt a little down about it. Not that he was expecting to get the usual cute doodle on his coffee lid like he had done for the past week, but still, Gerard had wondered if he was getting the heart doodled on his coffee lid for a reason. Maybe the barista who had made his coffee was into him. It was nice to think that there was a possibility that someone liked him. It made Gerard feel good about himself. That maybe he was actually attractive to at least one person in the world.

Gerard sighed as he set his coffee down on the sugar counter, peeling the lid off so he could add sugar to his drink. Gerard actually did miss the little heart doodle more than he expected, realising it very quickly as he stirred sugar into his coffee.

But what Gerard hadn't noticed was that someone had spotted him at the sugar counter. Someone had smiled when they spotted him in the store and had actually finally built up the confidence to finally say more to him other than _enjoy your coffee _and _have a nice day._

"Hi." Gerard heard the small greeting before he turned to see the barista who had handed him his coffee all last week when he had finished making it. The one who Gerard had assumed had been drawing the little love hearts on his takeout cup lid. Gerard wondered if the reason as to why he hadn't received his usual doodle this morning was because the barista hadn't actually been on the coffee machine at the time of his order. He was clutching at a tray of empty cups and saucers while he stood awkwardly next to Gerard.

"Hello," Gerard spoke while he put the lid back on his latte, taking note of the baristas name badge.

Ryan.

Nice name, Gerard thought as he took a sip of his latte.

"I- I didn't see you over the weekend while I was working," Ryan spoke nervously as he shifted the tray he was holding in his hands.

"I visit family at weekends," Gerard told him, ignoring how stalkerish Ryan sounded.

Or maybe it was a good thing. Maybe Ryan liked him. Maybe Ryan actually missed seeing him and not having the opportunity to draw more hearts on his coffee.

Gerard just saw it was a good thing while Ryan nodded.

There was a moment of silence between the two of them before Gerard decided that he had to ask Ryan a question that had been bugging him since the first love heart doodle had been drawn on his coffee lid.

"Do you know who has been drawing little love hearts on my coffee's?" Gerard asked, tapping the lid of his coffee which was without its usual doodle.

"Oh," Ryan blushed, smiling nervously as he kept clutching the trays close to him, "You noticed that?"

Well, of course, Gerard thought. How could he not notice it?

"Yeah. I mean I guessed that heart doodles weren't a new thing that Starbucks was doing," Gerard smirked.

Ryan laughed softly at that before he blushed harder, "That...yeah. That was me."

Gerard smiled. He finally knew who had been drawing on his morning coffee and to be perfectly honest, he thought that Ryan was kind of cute in a barista, coffee smelling, elfish sort of way.

"Thank you," Gerard nodded at Ryan, "It has certainly made my mornings this past week."

"I- I did them for a reason." Ryan blurted out as he looked down at the tray of dirty crockery he was holding onto so tightly.

"Really?" Gerard asked, wondering if this guy actually liked him to the point that he drew hearts on his coffee. He wasn't just trying to brighten his morning. Unless brightening his morning meant showing that maybe he liked him more than as a customer.

"I like seeing you every morning and...I was wondering if, maybe, I could see you some other time?" Ryan asked, avoiding eye contact with Gerard while he asked the question.

"Like seeing me some other time as in a date?" Gerard queried, making Ryan's cheeks flush more pink than they already were.

Ryan was kind of cute when he blushed. Not as cute as Frank frowning, but cute enough for Gerard to consider going out on a date with Ryan if that was what the barista wanted.

"If you want to, like...it could just be nothing. Or a drink. Or dinner? Or something...or you can just say no to me. I'm not making you. I- I just...I'm not very good at this kind of thing." Ryan stuttered as he hoped that Gerard would say yes.

Ryan liked the hot latte guy a lot who came into his work every morning at around the same time. He anticipated it to the point that he always made sure he was on the coffee machine five minutes before he arrived, even if it meant kicking someone off to go and do the dishes instead of him who had been delegated to do it. Ryan really did like him and now he just hoped and prayed that he hadn't made a fool of himself.

Which he hadn't.

"It's okay," Gerard spoke reassuringly with a smile, "I would like that."

"Great," Ryan beamed brightly. He didn't think that the hot latte guy would say yes to him- wait, he didn't even know hot latte guys name. He couldn't just call him that even though Ryan knew that the name was more than fitting for him "I just realised...I don't even know your name."

"Gerard," Gerard chuckled, "Luckily for me, I can see your name."

Ryan looked down at his name badge, checking to make sure he was wearing the right one, "Yeah. That's me."

"When do you want to do something?" Gerard asked, checking his phone and seeing that he didn't have long until he was supposed to be sat at his desk, working away. Not chatting away to someone who he was going to be going on a date with soon.

Ryan looked like he was about to set the trays he was holding down on the table behind him, but he couldn't as a family had sat down there while they were talking. He blushed, looking like he was lost in his own workplace before he told Gerard to hang on. Ryan disappeared out the back of the shop. A clatter of crockery could be heard from the back area before Ryan reappeared, pulling a pen out of his apron.

"Call me," Ryan spoke, writing his phone number down on a napkin before handing it to Gerard, "Maybe we can arrange something for tonight?"

"Sounds good," Gerard smiled as he folded up the napkin and put it in his jacket pocket so it wouldn't get mixed up with the napkins he had around his takeout cup.

Ryan said that he had to get back to work. His cheeks were a light shade of pink as he said bye. Gerard replied to him, smiling as he went to leave.

Yes, Gerard may have missed the little heart doodle on his coffee this morning, but getting Ryan's number had definitely made his morning so much better than he had expected it to be.

\---

_So you hung up on me, went to Starbucks and got given a phone number?_

Gerard smirked as he read Franks text. All of the team leaders and the heads of departments were in a weekly meeting so Gerard could get away with being on his phone, texting Frank instead of working.

Gerard could easily imagine the look on Frank's face when he read the text that he had been sent. This wasn't a regular thing. Frank was always the one to get more phone numbers given to him than Gerard did.

_I did. They said to call them so we can arrange something._

Gerard couldn't wait to go on his lunch break so he could call Ryan and arrange a date for tonight. A date that Gerard actually wanted to be on. If Frank only knew then the whole Lindsey mess would never have happened.

_Tell me about her? What's this girl like?_

Gerard paused, staring at his phone screen. This would have been a perfect opportunity to just casually say he instead of she in the text. If Frank replied with a _don't you mean she _response then Gerard could have come back with a _nope, I'm as gay as they come _reply.

But Gerard thought that texts were so impersonal. You can't convey emotions and life-changing moments of revelations through a text, no matter how many emojis were used.

Gerard had wondered if he could get away with coming out through emojis. Like a hey, just to let you know, I'm rainbow, rainbow, pink love heart with sparkles, hot dog emoji, two guys either side of a heart and two guys blowing kisses under a pink love heart emoji, you catch my drift?

Yeah, Frank would understand, hopefully. Or he would probably just wonder if Gerard was going through a phase again. Just like when he first discovered emojis and sent them all the time.

Gerard didn't do that though. He just went for the easiest option that was available for him.

_Her name is Rhianna. She seems nice. Shy, but nice._

Gerard's phone pinged as he looked up from his desk to make sure that everyone was still in their meeting while he continued to not work.

_Is she hot?_

Gerard rolled his eyes at Franks text. That was pretty much all Frank seemed to care about a lot of the time. A girls hotness rating.

_She's cute._

Ping.

_Just cute? Not hot? Are you going to bang her? You need to break the curse that is your dry spell. This could be a good opportunity for you if you don't mess it up like you did with Lindsey._

Gerard shook his head at the response. Yes, it had been a long time for Gerard, but he wasn't thinking about sex yet. The first date hadn't even been arranged yet.

But hopefully, that would all change when Gerard went on his lunch break.


	9. Your Favourite NOTP Seals The Deal And Frank... Oh Frank...

For a first date, Gerard was nervous.

He hadn't officially had a proper first date in over eight months. His last proper date had been with a guy called Mark. An older guy who was divorced. He had kids too. Was out to _find himself_ apparently.

Gerard remembered how Mark had said that it might not come to anything. He was still figuring himself out and he had told Gerard that he seemed like the perfect guy to go out on a date with thanks to the fact that he had feminine qualities about him. Mark said that he would find it easier to supposedly transition from being straight to possibly being gay with him.

There had been a second date. A third date. A fourth date where they finally slept together and then that was that. Mark had said that it wasn't working out.

Gerard was sure that Mark had ended up going back to his ex-wife, but he played it off like he didn't care. Or more he did because that had been another possible relationship that had ended up going down the pan.

Gerard felt like he was allowed to be nervous because eight months was a hell of a long time for no one to show any sort of interest in him. Gerard had honestly thought that something was wrong with him. Maybe his not so big but rather enormous crush on the very straight Frank Iero was holding him back.

Gerard never wanted to admit it, but he did kind of put Frank high up on a pedestal. It was never on purpose. It just...the more Gerard's crush on Frank grew, the higher the pedestal got, towering over anyone who might have ever shown any sort of romantic interest in Gerard.

No one would ever have a laugh like Frank. The laugh that made Gerard's heart feel like it was cracking and swelling in his chest. The pure adoration trying to burst out for the man.

No one had eyes like Frank. Those hazel green eyes that pretty much made Gerard's brain falter for a second whenever Frank looked at him.

No one would ever give Gerard the spark shooting through him like when Frank touched him in some way. Even if they bumped together by accident or Frank's hand brushed against Gerard's. Or like the one time that Gerard would never forget. The time when Frank had to squeeze past him and his ass brushed against Gerard's crotch. Gerard couldn't even begin to comprehend what that did to him and his insides.

Well, other than giving him a semi, but that was easily hidden. If it had been a full-blown erection then Gerard would have been in big trouble.

Gerard worried that his crush was getting bigger. Maybe even slightly out of control. Maybe Mikey was right. Maybe Gerard was in love with Frank, but it wasn't meant to be. If it was then maybe Frank would be gay. Frank would then hopefully be into him, but even then, he might not have been. Gerard may still have been his best friend since forever. Nothing else.

This was why Gerard was here, driving towards his destination. The address that Ryan had given him when Gerard had called him on his lunch break. Their date had been arranged and Gerard was now on his way to pick Ryan up. Gerard felt that a small part of him knew that one day he was going to have to end up moving on from crushing on the straight guy. Maybe Ryan was the first step. Gerard just didn't know if Ryan was going to be able to beat Frank high up on his towering pedestal. However, it was worth a shot.

Gerard got to the apartment block that he was picking Ryan up from. It felt awfully familiar. All of the small living spaces towering over Gerard. It felt almost like Gerard had driven to Franks apartment block where he lived. It felt oddly weird and familiar all at the same time, with a small reminder of...

Gerard shook his head clear of thoughts as he parked the car. This was a first date. Not a spot how many things remind you of Frank kind of evening. This was all about getting to know Ryan and hopefully falling for Ryan or whatever would happen. This wasn't an evening of-

No. Gerard pushed it all to the back of his mind. End of, Gerard thought as he got out of his car, locking it up before he went up to the door to buzz for Ryan.

Gerard tried to remember which flat Ryan had said that he lived in as he scanned the intercom. It was a letter and a number that was familiar to Gerard. The combination...

F-twenty-eight.

Fuck.

Gerard sighed. Not another reminder of his silly crush. He knew that he couldn't keep looking for things that would only remind him of Frank. It was purely coincidental. Nothing more, Gerard thought as he hit the button for Ryan's apartment and waited.

"Hello?" Ryan's voice crackled through the intercom after a few moments.

"Hey," Gerard spoke as confidently as possible even though he felt like his nervousness was starting to drip out of his pores, "It's Gerard."

"Oh, hi," Ryan chirped through the little speaker, "I'm coming down."

A few minutes of waiting passed before the door opened and Ryan walked out of the apartment block. He smiled nervously at Gerard with a blush on his cheeks.

"Hi, again," Ryan smiled, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets once he had stepped out into the cold night.

"Hey," Gerard repeated his greeting as he took in Ryan. He looked different, especially since he was out of his work clothes and somewhat dressed up for the evening. He looked cute with the way black eyeliner rimmed his eyes and his hair was gelled to one side, all fluffy and styled so it was nearly covering one eye.

Gerard could feel his heart fluttering in his chest. It was a nice feeling to feel over someone that wasn't-

Gerard stopped himself immediately. He didn't want to think of _him _when he was on a date with Ryan.

"You look nice," Ryan mumbled out the compliment as he quickly scanned Gerard.

Gerard hadn't really put much thought into what he was going to wear tonight. He had chosen the smartest clothes he owned that weren't his work clothes. Jeans, button-up black shirt and his leather jacket with black sneakers. He felt smart enough to be someone's date for the evening now, especially since he got his hair tame thanks to an insane amount of hair gel and hairspray.

Gerard's hair never usually complied when he tried to style it. The wiry black mess never usually liked to be tamed, refusing Gerard's attempts most of the time. But somehow he had managed it tonight. As long as Gerard didn't touch his hair then he would be okay.

"Thanks," Gerard nodded, "You look nice too because y'know, I've only ever seen you in your Starbucks uniform."

Ryan laughed at that. His giggle erupted quickly and Gerard really wanted to feel his heart hammer in his chest over the giggle.

That didn't mean it didn't. Gerard felt it, but he felt like his crush on Frank was currently fighting with this possible love interest for dominance in his head and Gerard didn't know who was going to win.

"Shall we go?" Ryan asked politely since they seemed to just be standing outside his apartment block, exchanging small talk, which wasn't the perfect place for a first date.

Maybe a perfect place to finish the date if Gerard drove him home and walked him to the door. That was if the date went well. If it did then Ryan knew that he would want to take the next step with Gerard, sharing that first kiss that Ryan had been thinking about since their date had been set up earlier in the day.

"Sure," Gerard nodded, starting to lead Ryan towards his car, "Where did you want to go?"

\---

They had ended up at a quiet little restaurant on a back street not far from where Gerard worked. Ryan knew that the restaurant existed but he had never been there before. That was why he had suggested it. Gerard, however, had never known that the place existed. Even though he had probably walked past it countless times before, he had never paid attention to it until right now. Never paid attention since he had moved to New York when he was twenty-one. He was a little nervous about it, going somewhere that he had never been before, but sometimes change was good and Gerard knew this.

Unless Gerard got food poisoning from something he ate in the restaurant. Then the change would not have been good.

The restaurant wasn't busy. A few people were sat at tables, eating dinner whilst chatting as the pair waited to be seated. It was a nice place, lit in a way so it could have been seen as a romantic setting. Soft music played in the background and Gerard couldn't help but fall in love with the place. It was a perfect date restaurant.

The waitress who came over to seat them was friendly. She could tell from the way that Ryan kept glancing at Gerard that they were on a date. She smiled that them, saying that they could have a booth to sit in if they wanted.

Both Gerard and Ryan nodded at that. Gerard loved booths because of the privacy they gave on a first date and Ryan even told Gerard that he loved how booths made first dates more intimate. Like they were blocked out from the rest of the restaurant while they sat in their little booth.

It seemed too good to be true that Ryan thought the same thing as Gerard, but Gerard took it and smiled at the similarity.

They ordered food and Gerard felt relief because when he ordered a side of fries, Ryan didn't mention anything about sharing. He just smiled at the waitress before he too ordered himself a side of fries.

Gerard knew that he wouldn't have to get defensive over his food. He would be able to eat all of his fries without having to worry about Ryan reaching over to steal some of his like Lindsey had done.

Then again, this date wasn't a setup like the previous trainwreck of a date. This date was a date that Gerard actually wanted to be on so already, it was going well in his eyes.

They talked as they ate once the food had arrived. Gerard learnt that Ryan was a session guitarist as well as a barista. He had worked with this guy on a couple of records, but it didn't work out. Ryan explained that the guy was a bit of a diva, making him impossible to work with. Ryan went on to say that he would have continued to work with the guy if he had been a bit more down to earth, but it was all okay in the end when Ryan quit the project, moving onto other work that paid well and kept him happy.

Ryan asked about Gerard but didn't push when Gerard said that he didn't want to go into great detail about his family just yet. Gerard didn't want to end up with Ryan giving him a sympathy vote on their first date if Mikey got talked about. Everyone sympathised with him whenever Mikey was brought into the conversation, including Lindsey when they had had their setup date. It was also a sensitive subject at the best and worst of times, but right now it was more of a sensitive subject since Pete had texted Gerard saying how Mikey was still quarantined due to his stomach virus.

The date, however, had been perfect. Gerard felt like he couldn't have asked for a better date. The company had been perfect. Ryan hadn't been nosy or pushy on certain areas that Gerard wasn't ready to discuss with him yet. Their conversations had been great and when there had been casual contact, like when Ryan brushed his fingers over the back of Gerard's hand, Gerard swore that he felt a spark. The light flutter in his chest. His heart racing. Something like that to seal the deal.

The date had to come to an end though. After desserts and a coffee for Gerard, Ryan said that he had to be heading home. Gerard paid the bill, paying for everything, including the bottle of wine that Ryan had ordered even though Gerard only had one glass because he was driving. He was more than happy to pay for everything since he had had such a nice evening with Ryan.

It was just when Gerard was driving Ryan back to his place. That was when his thoughts were starting to spin in his head.

The drive back had been quiet. It was a nice kind of quiet though. Nothing awkward at all and Gerard hoped that Ryan was thinking something along the lines of what he was already thinking.

Had the date gone so well that they could share a kiss? Did Ryan want to kiss him? Gerard wanted to. The date had gone so well that he could picture it happening. He just didn't know if Ryan was on the same page as him when it came to this.

Gerard wondered how it would work. Would he walk Ryan up to the entrance of his apartment block and kiss him there? Would he break the gap between the driver's seat he was in and the passenger seat that Ryan was in to kiss him? Would he kiss Ryan on the cheek? Or the corner of the lips? Or go all in and kiss him on the lips? Gerard didn't know and before he could even decide on what he wanted to do, he was pulling up outside Ryan's block.

Gerard killed the engine and silence surrounded the two of them as they both smiled at each other.

"I had a really nice time with you tonight, Gerard." Ryan smiled, unclipping his seatbelt.

"I had a nice time with you too, Ryan," Gerard replied, feeling the nerves already bubbling away inside of him about how and when he would get the opportunity to kiss Ryan.

There was a silence again as the two of them looked at each other in the dark. Gerard felt that if a kiss was going to happen at all tonight then now was the perfect opportunity for it to happen.

And Ryan seemed to be thinking the same thing as Gerard because he shifted in the passenger seat, leaning in a little closer to Gerard.

Gerard got what Ryan was trying to do so he thought, fuck it, why not? They had both had a nice evening and the timing felt right. Gerard leaned over, ignoring how the leather on his seat creaked as he shifted. Ryan moved in even closer until noses bumped in the dark. Ryan blushed slightly at his actions, taking a moment to compose himself before finally, he moved in for what he wanted.

It was a nice kiss. Simple, Gerard thought. Not too much for a first kiss to end a first date. Testing the water. Ending the date with a nice metaphorical bow to wrap it all up. Ryan pressed his lips gently against Gerard's for a second. It wasn't too short that it felt like a peck. It lingered for a little longer as Gerard relaxed into it. Not too long where it could have meant that Ryan wanted more. It was long enough for the two of them to enjoy it before Ryan pulled away, smiling in the dark.

"I wanted to do that about an hour ago," Ryan admitted.

"Me too." Gerard agreed, the nerves finally washing away because they had kissed.

"I've got no plans for tomorrow night if you want to do something again." Ryan blurted out, hoping that Gerard would want to spend more time with him.

"Like a second date?" Gerard questioned.

"Yeah," Ryan nodded nervously, "That is if you want to go on a second date with me."

"I'll pick you up the same time like tonight," Gerard told Ryan, giving him the answer that he wanted to hear.

"Cool," Ryan beamed happily as he started to get out of Gerard's car, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow night then."

"You will," Gerard nodded as Ryan got out of the car, saying that he would see him tomorrow.

If tonight was anything to go by then Gerard couldn't wait for tomorrow night. Their second date was going to be perfect.

\---

Gerard could not wipe the smile off his face the next day while he was at work. He was so happy.

Clouds and silver linings and hearts and shit.

It was happening.

A second date with Ryan.

Tonight.

Gerard was over the moon because once he left work and was ready, he was going to be going out with Ryan again. He was over the moon because he had found someone who wanted to go out on a second date with him. Ryan. This perfect person who was interested in him. Gerard's last few dates had only been first dates, never going on to become second dates. The fact that he was actually about to go out on a second date with Ryan was the whole reason why he was walking around work like the sun would never stop shining over him.

Gerard saw Ryan when he got his usual morning latte before work. It had been a moment of rosy hellos and shared smiles. Ryan had made him his latte straight away, or more from the moment that he had spotted Gerard in the queue. Plus, Ryan had told Gerard that he didn't have to pay for his coffee. It was free.

Gerard felt like he could easily get used to dating a barista if it meant that one of the perks was free coffee.

But Gerard knew that he wouldn't just date Ryan for the free coffee. That was purely a bonus. Free coffee from a barista that Gerard was hoping to call his boyfriend. And the heart doodle was back, accompanied by two other hearts that had been drawn on his coffee lid.

"See you tonight?" Ryan asked as he wiped his hands on his apron, making sure that Gerard was still on for tonight.

"Of course," Gerard answered before he sipped on his latte, "I'll pick you up around seven."

"Can't wait." Ryan beamed brightly.

Gerard was practically counting down the seconds at work. Counting down how long he had left before he could leave to go home and get ready. He didn't even want to work as he struggled to stay focused on the paperwork he had on his desk. Gerard just wanted his workday to be over so that he could see Ryan again tonight.

What Gerard was unaware of though as he tried to work to pass the time was that his phone had been buzzing away quietly in his jacket pocket, signalling that someone was trying to call him.

And he had several missed calls already.

The last time Gerard had checked his phone was when he had had a text back and forth with Frank early this morning, texting about the second date that Gerard was going on with the person that Frank thought was his new girlfriend. Gerard wanted to label Ryan as his boyfriend, but he couldn't claim that he was since he hadn't actually asked Ryan to be his boyfriend. Frank had been more than happy for him, excited almost, asking Gerard if he was going to put out and get some tonight. Gerard, of course, did his usual eye roll at Franks text before he responded with a no.

Maybe there would be a little making out in the car when Gerard was dropping Ryan off home, but Gerard didn't put out on a second date.

Four at least and that was a minimum amount of dates for Gerard when it came to possibly having sex with someone.

Frank had said now he would have to text Gerard later about the date because he was about to go and have lunch with his father, so of course Frank was going to be more than preoccupied for the next few hours.

But what Gerard was unaware of was that Frank had been trying to call him for the past ten minutes. Calling him constantly. Franks calls would go through to voicemail and he knew that there was no point in leaving one because Gerard never checked his voicemails. He just let them delete themselves automatically for some stupid reason. So Frank would end the call before he got connected to Gerard's pointless voicemail, giving it a second before Frank would attempt to ring him again.

Gerard was unaware of Frank's constant phone calls until he went outside of a well-earned smoke break. That was when Gerard found out that he had fourteen missed calls from Frank.

A couple of missed calls was nothing but fourteen was a bit excessive. The number of calls had Gerard worried that something had happened to Frank. Frank never usually called him at work unless something was wrong.

And Gerard really didn't want there to be something wrong.

Gerard lit up his cigarette, readying himself to call Frank back and find out what was going on, but Frank beat him to it. Gerard jumped a little as his phone burst into life in his hand, signalling that Frank was calling him yet again.

Gerard answered, ready to speak, but Frank didn't even give him time to speak when he realised that his friend had finally picked up one of his many calls.

"Gerard! Fuck! Thank fuck, you finally answered. Fuck, Gerard...I'm so fucking scared." Frank spat out fast, voice hiccupping and shaking down the phone.

Gerard could tell that Frank was crying. He was a wreck on the phone and Gerard was more than worried now.

"Frank, what's wrong?" Gerard asked.

"Fuck, Gerard. I was so worried. I questioned. He told me that he was okay and I believed him. But he was lying to me. He wasn't okay and I'm fucking annoyed that I let myself believe him." Frank babbled, choking out sobs down the phone.

"Frank, calm down. What's happened?" Gerard asked again, hoping that Frank was actually going to tell him what was going on. It had to be serious. So serious for Frank to be crying.

Frank never cried. That was worrying.

"It's dad. Gerard...he had another heart attack at lunch. He just collapsed while I was away from the table." Frank finally told him before he broke down into more fits of tears down the phone.

"Fuck." Gerard gasped, not knowing what to say. Frank was inconsolable and Gerard only wanted Frank to be okay. To calm down. To try and cope with the situation when though it was a very serious situation.

"Gerard," Frank croaked when he had a calm moment between sobs, "Is- is he going to die?"

"No," Gerard insisted, hoping that his words were going to calm Frank down, "He's an Iero. He's a fighter."

"Yeah." Frank agreed, even though his sobs over the phone made him sound unsure, "Yeah. You're right."

"Where are you?" Gerard asked, stubbing out his cigarette before he walked back into the office. Fuck work right now. Frank was more important.

"Outside the hospital," Frank stuttered, "I can't see him at the moment which sucks because I just want to know if he is okay. I need to know if he is okay...but the doctors aren't telling me anything."

"I'm coming to you," Gerard told Frank, "I'll be with you as soon as I can, okay?"

Fuck everything. Everything else had been forgotten about because Frank was in distress and he needed someone to be there with him. Gerard cared so much about him and he was determined to be there for him, no matter what.


	10. It All Happened So Fast

Gerard made it to the hospital in record time. His boss hadn’t been entirely happy about his abrupt midweek departure, but Gerard had lied, saying that he had to go and see Mikey urgently. He had never got around to telling his boss about the fact that Mikey had contracted a stomach virus so he played that card to get out of work. His boss wouldn’t have let him leave if he said that he needed to go because his best friend was inconsolable and fearing that his father was about to die. Frank and his father weren’t family so Gerard knew that he wouldn’t have been excused from work if he told the truth.

Gerard had ended up reassuring Frank several times that his father wasn’t going to die. It was the only way to get Frank to calm down enough so Gerard could get off the phone so that he could drive to be with him. Gerard knew that it was a dangerous thing to do, reassuring Frank. Saying that his father was going to pull through because what if he didn’t? What if Gerard’s promise broke and Frank got mad at him for telling him that his father was going to survive his second heart attack. Frank should have known that things like this happen. People die. It was the natural process of life. People are born, people live for x amount of time before their time is up and they die. It was just really bad timing and luck that Frank’s father’s time was possibly up.

Gerard didn’t know how he was going to be able to find Frank in the hospital. He knew that he easily could have spent an hour looking for Frank in the oversized building. It would have been like looking for a needle in an oversized haystack. Gerard knew that the quickest way to find Frank would be to text him. So he did, sending Frank a quick message to find out where he was once Gerard had parked up in the car park and was walking towards the hospital's main entrance. Then Gerard decided that Frank was more than likely going to be in need of a coffee, probably something stronger than that even, but Gerard got them both a coffee from the vending machine in the entrance hall while he waited for Frank to reply. Which he did speedily.

_ I’m in cardiology. _

The needle in the haystack was no longer lost and Gerard felt relief wash over him while he walked to where Frank was, holding onto the two small polystyrene cups of coffee carefully. But fuck, Gerard could only hope that everything was going to be okay once he got to where Frank was.

Gerard knew that people survived heart attacks all the time. Franks father was surely going to pull through and everything would be okay.

It had to be.

Gerard finally found the cardiology department and there he was, sat on a small row of chairs, waiting for something. Anything. It had to be good news and that was what Frank was hoping for. Gerard was too as he walked towards his friend, still clutching at the two cups of coffee.

Frank was completely zoned out, resting his elbows on his knees as he chewed on his thumbnail. Frank hadn’t noticed Gerard at all while he stared at a random spot on the floor in front of his feet, his eyes not even shifting when someone walked in front of his line of sight.

He was out of it, completely zoned out as Gerard walked right up to him, setting a coffee down on the small table next to the chair Frank was sat in. He sniffed, obviously not crying now, but even Gerard could tell that Frank had been crying. He had heard him cry and Gerard was sure that Frank had probably cried some more after they had stopped talking over the phone. Frank was most likely very unstable right now. The slightest thing could easily have set him off and make him break down into another fit of tears again, which Gerard knew that he didn’t want to do to his friend now that he was here.

“Hey,” Gerard spoke carefully so he wouldn’t startle Frank as he sat down next to him. Frank’s eyes flickered like he was snapping out of a daydream before he turned to see that Gerard was sat next to him.

Frank smiled weakly, forcing it. He felt like the slightest thing was going to set him off at any moment and even though Gerard was here as support, he was so shaken up that even Gerard probably wouldn’t be able to control the swell of emotions that were sat in him right now.

“How are you doing?” Gerard asked as he picked up the cup of coffee he had set down. Frank hadn’t noticed it and Gerard handed it to him. He mumbled out a thank you before taking a sip of the drink, wincing at the heat before swallowing.

“Not good,” Frank croaked out, his bloodshot eyes looking directly at Gerard. Gerard swore that it felt like his heart was shattering into a million tiny little pieces with the way Frank was looking at him. His watery, saddened eyes locked with Gerard’s briefly before he turned away, looking down at the plastic cup of coffee he was clutching in his hands. Frank chewed on his bottom lip, taking in a shaky breath while shaking his head, “Gee...this isn’t good.”

“What happened?” Gerard asked. Frank had told him the obvious thing, but he didn’t know why or how or what had happened or even what was happening now

“I...I don’t know. It all happened so fast…” Frank stuttered out as his eyes focussed on a random part of the wall in front of him, his afternoon flashing through his mind again like it had been doing since he got to the hospital, trying to figure out if there had been a way to stop what had happened. And if there was, why he had gone and missed it.

_ “Dad,” Frank grinned, standing up at the table that he had reserved the other day. He had spotted his father walking into the restaurant, standing near the entrance, chatting away to a waitress who had greeted him, “Over here.” _

_ Frank watched as the waitress continued to talk to his father with her hand resting on his arm, pointing to what was in his hand. His father was clutching at his walking stick. Frank assumed that the waitress was offering to walk him over to their table with how he had hobbled into the restaurant. His knee must be playing up again, Frank thought. Not this again, he thought again as he walked over to meet his father. _

_ “Are you okay, dad?” Frank asked, resting his hand on his father’s shoulder when he joined him. He noticed how his father’s hand was shaking a little as he held onto the walking stick and Frank also noticed how his father looked a little pale and pasty in the face. _

_ “I’m fine, I’m fine,” His father insisted, suddenly feeling like he had too many people waiting on him. Frank Sr was a grown man and even he knew that he could walk from the entrance of the restaurant to the table that his son had reserved for them, “This beautiful waitress was just offering to help me to our table, but I’m okay.” _

_ “As long as you are sure.” The waitress smiled, attempting to hide the blush on her cheeks from what the gentleman had said to her. _

_ Frank, however, just rolled his eyes. _

_ “I’m fine. My son is here with me.” Frank Sr insisted, patting Frank firmly on the back before pointing to the table that he had seen Frank get up from. _

_ “Flirting with the waitress, dad? Really?” Frank spoke quietly, walking closer to his dad with a hand resting on his arm to stabilize him if he needed it. _

_ “What? She’s beautiful. Can I not compliment a beautiful woman?” Frank Sr spoke like he had done nothing wrong. He had just merely stated that the waitress was attractive. There was nothing wrong with that, “Are you telling me that you didn’t find her beautiful?” _   
_   
Even Frank knew that he couldn’t deny it. The waitress was, in fact, stunning with her curly auburn hair pinned up into a bun and dark brown eyes. Plus her uniform wasn’t exactly hiding the fact that she was curvy and her fitted shirt was unbuttoned in a way that a little cleavage was exposed._

_ “Yeah, she’s beautiful. But you are also probably old enough to be her dad,” Frank said as he moved ahead to reach their table, going to pull the other chair out for his father to sit down. _

_ “Do you want me to give her your number? She might like an Iero.” _

_ “Dad,” Frank blushed, watching his father take his coat off before resting it on the back of his chair. Frank took his father’s walking stick for him and rested it against the side of the table so that it was still in reach as his father sat down, “Please don’t...I’m good.” _   
  
_ “So does that mean you have a lady?” _   
_   
“No,” Frank sighed, sitting himself down opposite his father, “I’m just good.”_

_ “Are you sure? I know you’re funny about commitment. Like father like son, but I bet you could have some fun with her, eh?” His father gave him a look from across the table and Frank just wanted the ground to swallow him up. _

_ Frank knew what he did. He slept around with a lot of women because it was easier, fun and a lot less scary than actually settling down with someone. But this was a subject that Frank didn’t want to go into with his father, no matter how similar they were. _

_ “Dad,” Frank blushed as the same waitress came over with a wine list and two food menus. Frank smiled at her while his father was all looking at her like ‘check out my son. He is a catch and would be perfect for you’, “Can we please change the subject? How’s your knee? You need the walking stick again?” _   
_   
“Fe male come un bastardo,” Frank Sr winced as he attempted to straighten out his leg under the table, “I’m on the waiting list for a knee op, but I got moved down because of il mio stupido cuore.”_

_ “Dad,” Frank groaned, “Your heart isn’t stupid.” _  
  
_ Frank Sr grumbled out something in Italian under his breath about how he considered his heart to be stupid after the minor heart attack he had had. He really didn’t want his son to worry though. He was fine, hence why maybe he was keeping something from Frank right now. How he wasn’t feeling so good as he sat across from Frank._

_ The waitress came back and Frank ordered a beer. His father asked for a glass of water and Frank immediately frowned. He knew his father always liked to have a glass of red wine with lunch. It had been his drink of choice with lunch for as long as Frank could even remember. This was unusual and it only made Frank more concerned. _

_ “You’re not having a drink with lunch?” Frank asked, watching his father rummage around in one of his coat pockets. _

_ “I can’t drink now,” His father huffed as he pulled a small tablet container out that was marked ‘meds: lunchtime’, “Doctors orders. Drinking affects some of the tablets I have to take. Do you know I can’t even have grapefruit now? It’s ridiculous.” _   
  
_ “Why can’t you have grapefruit?” Frank queried. He could understand that maybe his father needed to knock the booze on the head after his heart attack, but why grapefruit? Why that one fruit in particular?” _   
_   
“Something to do with my statins. It affects them...I can’t remember exactly. I just know that I can’t have them.” Frank Sr grumbled as he shook tablets out of the small container into his hand._

_ “Are you sure you’re okay, dad?” Frank asked as the waitress brought over his beer and his father’s glass of water. Frank had noticed how shaky his father’s hand was as he held his medication tightly and also he noticed the light sheen of sweat on his father's temples. Yeah, it was warm in the restaurant, but not warm enough that it would make a person sweat. _

_ “I’m fine,” His father insisted, popping his tablets into his mouth before drinking a large mouthful of water to down the medication, “Why do you ask?” _   
_   
“You look...I don’t know. You just look a little pale.” Frank said before he took a swig of his beer._

_ “Pale?” I’ve been stuck in a hospital room for over a week recovering. No going outside. No sunlight. Of course, I’m going to look pale.” Frank Sr scoffed while he set his glass of water down, quickly mopping the sweat off his temples with a handkerchief from his pocket before picking up the menu that had been set in front of him. _

_ “Okay.” Frank nodded, mimicking his father with his own menu, not quite believing what he was being told, but he tried to allay his worries since his father had told him that he was okay. _

_ “You should try the risotto here,” His father changed the conversation rapidly, tapping a finger on the menu, “I’ve had it before. It’s amazing.” _   
_   
The food was ordered quickly after that and Frank tried his best to ignore his worries. He did feel like he was allowed to worry though, especially with what had happened to his father. A heart attack was no laughing matter and Frank was just worried that it might happen again. Frank didn’t want that to happen to his father again. He didn’t even want to think about it happening again because what if it did? What if it meant that he lost his father? Frank didn’t want to consider that because he had nearly lost him before, even though the doctors had said that it was only a minor heart attack. There was nothing minor about a heart attack in Frank’s eyes. They could kill and that was what worried Frank the most._

_ Frank tried his best to ignore the signs that were making him worry while they waited for their food to arrive. His father had told him that he was okay, but Frank still worried as he watched his father rub his chest. _

_ “Are you okay?” Frank asked again when he caught sight of his father’s hand on his chest. _

_ “I’m fine, son,” Frank Sr insisted with a groan, “Your aunt made me breakfast this morning. You know what her breakfasts are like.” _   
_   
“Indigestion.” Frank chuckled as he remembered the last time he had had one of his aunt’s famous breakfasts. Frank had ended up feeling beyond stuffed, unable to move for most of the late morning after he had finished off all the food that had been put in front of him._

_ “Please stop worrying about your old man,” His father sighed, trying to hide the wince that crept onto his face, “I’m fine.” _  
  
_ “Okay,” Frank nodded before he stood up, “I’m going to the bathroom before the food gets here.” _  
_   
“Don’t be long. I want to talk to you about getting something nice for your mothers birthday.”_

_ “Okay,” Frank nodded before he placed a kiss on the top of his father’s head, “Ti amo papa.” _

_ Frank Sr beamed, smiling at his son’s affection before he disappeared off into the toilets. That was when he let out a hiss over the pain that was spreading through his chest. He had to keep it hidden or Frank would just worry. He was okay. It had to be nothing since he had taken his medication. He really didn’t want to worry Frank. He was a grown man. An Iero. He could get through this. _

_ And Frank was totally unaware of the situation as he used the restaurant's facilities. Completely unaware of the fact that his father had collapsed, fallen from his chair because of the pain that was spreading like fire through his chest while Frank washed his hands. He had no idea whatsoever until he walked out of the bathroom and saw the huddle of people around his table. Other people pushing tables out of the way as someone shouted for everyone to give him some room. _

_ That was when Frank’s world seemed to grind down to a near halt, playing out in slow motion with the sound becoming nothing more than white noise. It was all he could hear as he rushed over to the small crowd, screaming out to his father while he pushed through the small group of people to get to him. _

_ His father was unconscious on the floor, looking deathly pale with his hand clutching at his heart. Frank knew what this meant and the tears started to flow down his face as he begged for his father to wake up, voice shaking as he shook his father, telling him to stop messing around. He was causing a scene. Denial setting in so fast even though Frank knew exactly what was going on. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself. _

_ He knew and that was what made him scream at the waitress who had offered to help his father in the first place, screaming at her to help him now. She told Frank that someone was already calling for an ambulance right now. Frank begged for her to help him. Someone had to help him because this could not be happening again. Frank didn’t want to believe it, even though it was. _

“And...and...I couldn’t do anything,” Frank spoke, voice shaking while he pinched his eyes shut, willing for the tears not to fall. But it was too late, they were falling already and he had very little control over them, “I wanted to help him, but I couldn’t.”  
  
“I’m so sorry.” Gerard apologised, wrapping an arm around Frank to comfort him.

“I saw the fucking signs, Gee. I knew something was wrong,” Frank spoke as he attempted to wipe tears away from his face, “He told me he was fine but I didn’t believe him. Instead, I just went along with what he said. I wanted to believe that he was fine, but even I could tell that he wasn’t.”  
  
Gerard didn’t know what to say to that. Frank let out a heavy sigh after he had wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jumper.

“I knew something was wrong from the moment that I saw him. I should have done something about it.”

“You couldn’t force him if he kept telling you that he was fine,” Gerard spoke.

“That’s the thing,” Frank responded quickly, “We are fighters. Me. My dad. My granddad. We are all the same. If one of us broke our ankle, we would rather fight through and walk on it rather than admit defeat and get help.”  
  
Gerard nodded at that, understanding what Frank was trying to say.

“This is all my fault,” Frank admitted, staring into his half-empty cup of coffee. He had barely been aware of the fact that he was drinking it, but he was. Drinking being more of a reflex move right now than him actually concentrating on the beverage.

Gerard looked shocked at Frank. He couldn’t believe that he was actually blaming himself for his father’s heart attack.

“It’s not your fault,” Gerard told Frank.

“It is,” Frank sobbed as his eyes overflowed with tears again, “I suggested going out for lunch. If I had just let him be then none of this would have happened.”  
  
“Just because you wanted to have lunch with your dad doesn’t mean that you are to blame for this. You didn’t know that this was going to happen and also, this could have happened at any time, whether you were with him or not. At least you were with him if that makes sense. If he had been alone then…” Gerard stopped himself. He had only started talking in an attempt to make Frank see that none of this was his fault. He couldn’t be blaming himself for this. The fact that he had been with his father was better because he had been rushed to hospital as quickly as possible. If he had been alone then the chances of him surviving would have started to dwindle from the moment that the heart attack began. Gerard just knew that his choice of words wasn’t great. However, hopefully, Frank could get that what he was saying was a good thing

“But what if I hadn’t said that I wanted to see him? He could easily still be here if it wasn’t for me-”  
  
“Hey,” Gerard stopped Frank dead in his tracks, “He is still here. He’s an Iero. A fighter. Even you told me that.”   
  
Frank nodded at that. Gerard did have a point.

“I’m just scared,” Frank looked at Gerard with eyes full of worry, “What if he dies?”

“Just remember who he is. He’s an Iero. He isn’t going to die. Your dad will get through this, okay?”  
  
Frank nodded again and a small smile cracked on his lips. Gerard couldn’t believe that Frank had even got the smile in him, given the situation, but clearly what he was being told was doing him the world of good during this upsetting and worrying time.

“You’re right.” Frank agreed.

A doctor appeared moments later and stopped in front of Frank, clearing his throat, “Frank Iero Jr?”  
  
“Yeah,” Frank said, standing up, “That’s me. How is my dad?”   
  
“Well, he’s been rushed into surgery. One of the main arteries into his heart was block so he is currently in theatre undergoing a coronary artery bypass graft.”   
  
“Fuck,” Frank hissed under his breath, his mind already beginning to race at what the doctor had told him, “That’s serious, isn’t it?”   
  
“Quite serious. But we can assure you that he will be okay. He is in safe hands,” The doctor smiled reassuringly at Frank, “Did you want to leave us a contact number so you can go home and we will let you know when he is out and awake?” The doctor asked, handing Frank some paper and a pen

“No,” Frank shook his head, handing the pen and paper back to the doctor, “I’ll wait here if that is okay.”

“A bypass graft is complicated surgery. He won’t be out of theatre for anything up to six hours.”

“I’ll wait. It’s fine,” Frank insisted before turning to Gerard, “Will you wait with me? I understand if you have stuff to do-”  
  
“I’ll stay with you,” Gerard smiled at Frank, “You can’t wait here all by yourself.”   
  
“Thanks,” Frank sniffed, wiping his nose on his jumper sleeve again, “What would I do without you?”   
  
“There is a waiting room down the hall,” The doctor pointed down the hall to the room he was talking about, “We will let you know when he is out of surgery.”   
  
Frank thanked the doctor before he left, leaving Frank looking down at his shoes while he tried his best to remain calm.

“So...he’s gonna be okay.” Gerard smiled at Frank, getting up from his seat to stand next to him.

“Yeah.” Frank nodded quickly at Gerard.

“You wanna go and get some food while we wait?” Gerard asked, assuming that Frank never ate at the restaurant from what he had been told.

“Nah,’ Frank shook his head, beginning to make their way towards the waiting room, “Not hungry.”  
  
“Coffee?”   
  
“Still got some,” Frank answered, showing Gerard his half-empty cup of hospital coffee.

“Let’s just wait then,” Gerard spoke as they both entered the waiting room and chose to sit on the big sofa in the middle of the room, “If you need anything, I’ll get it for you so you don’t have to leave in case the doctors come looking for you.”  
  
“Okay,” Frank mumbled out before yawning. This whole day had exhausted him both physically, mentally and emotionally, so Frank knew that a nap would do him good, seeing as they possibly had hours to wait. Frank stretched out, cracking his back a little before shifting on the sofa so his legs were hanging over the armrest and his head was resting on Gerard’s thighs.

Gerard went to say something about what Frank was doing, but he caught his words before they could leave his mouth.

“Is this okay?” Frank questioned when he noticed the blush on Gerard’s cheeks, “If it’s a problem I can move. It’s just that your legs are so comfy.”  
  
“No...it’s fine,” Gerard stumbled out as he tried his best to ignore how dangerously close Frank was to his crotch. He knew he shouldn’t have been paying attention to that, Frank and his father were more important right now, so Gerard pushed his stupid crush right to the back of his mind where he couldn’t focus on it, “If you want to get some rest then go for it. I’ll stay awake in case a doctor comes in.”   
  
“What would I do without you,” Frank said again as he closed his eyes and he reached out for Gerard, squeezing his hand tightly, “Best friend.”   
  
“Best friend,” Gerard repeated as Frank began to fall asleep in his lap.


	11. The Toaster Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still one of my favourite chapters

Gerard had come to the conclusion that he could easily watch Frank sleep for as long as humanly possible.

After all the stress and emotional heartache and turmoil that Frank had been put through today, he finally looked at peace. His cheeks were no longer stained with tears. His closed eyes no longer showed worry or fear. He was no longer chewing on his lip while he feared that the worst was about to happen. He just looked… Gerard couldn’t describe how Frank looked to him right now. He had originally thought that Frank looked peaceful while he slept, using Gerard’s thighs as a pillow, but peaceful wasn’t a strong enough word. Gerard wanted to think of something far deeper and more meaningful as Frank continued to sleep.

He didn’t look like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He didn’t look like he was carrying the false burden of this being his fault. None of this was his fault. Frank couldn’t have known or even stopped his father from having another heart attack, and now he just looked like himself, but asleep. Not blaming himself or worrying past the point that was normal for him.

Gerard wondered if Frank was dreaming as he slept. Gerard hoped that if he was then he was having peaceful, happy dreams. But on the other hand, Gerard had to wonder if Frank could even dream at all while this was going on thanks to what he had encountered today. Maybe Frank’s mind was clear. Maybe his dreams were empty, nothing taking over him while he continued to sleep on Gerard’s lap.

Gerard smiled because right now, he knew that Franks mind wasn’t racing at a hundred miles an hour, worrying about what was going to happen to his father. He was actually calm and Gerard could even see the tiniest of smiles on Frank’s lips.

Gerard knew that this really wasn’t the time, but he couldn’t help how his chest warmed and swelled when he looked down at his sleeping friend.

He really couldn’t help it. At this moment in time, Gerard was pretty sure that Mikey had been right about his crush. Maybe it was turning into love. Or maybe it had already turned into love and Gerard was completely unaware of it because he knew that nothing would ever happen between them.

The gay guy falling in love with the straight guy. A not so match made in heaven.

And even though Gerard knew that nothing would ever happen between him and Frank, he still couldn’t help how he felt for him. He couldn’t stop himself as he continued to watch Frank sleep.

Gerard couldn’t help but admire how beautiful he was as he slept. His closed eyes lined with long, dark eyelashes. The small smile that was gracing Frank’s lips. The lips Gerard wished that he could kiss. It wasn’t a big smile at all, but Gerard knew that Frank had one of his most favourite smiles in the whole world. Nothing would ever compare to Franks bright smile.

Gerard couldn’t help but realise that he pretty much loved every part of Frank. From the way he had to cut the knees of his jeans open to stop his knees from sweating. He loved the scorpion tattoo that adorned his neck. The tattoo that was starting to fade and age because he got it done when he turned nineteen. He even loved the little healed indent below Franks bottom lip where he used to wear a lip ring back in college. Gerard just couldn’t help any of it and now he was beginning to realise just how much he did love his best friend.

Gerard sighed contently as he looked down at Frank, knowing that Mikey was right. Mikey would always be right because he could read Gerard like a book when it came down to his feelings towards Frank.

Gerard wished that he could show Frank more affection. Like the kind of affection that proved how Gerard felt so much for him. But Gerard knew that he would never be able to show those kinds of feelings, so he settled for the deep sigh that left him as he brushed the short fringe away from Frank’s forehead. Frank sighed in his sleep, his smile widening slightly while Gerard’s fingers played with his hair. This was the only affection that Gerard was allowed to give right now. Once Frank was awake then Gerard would just have to contain it all again, keeping quiet about how he felt towards Frank, all hidden in the confines of the friend zone.

A few hours had passed and Gerard sighed as he looked at the clock on the wall in the waiting room, watching the second-hand tick around slowly, marking yet another minute passing by while the two of them waited.

No one had come to speak to them. Not a single person had bothered them while they waited so it was obvious that Frank’s father was still in surgery. Gerard took the lack of communication from the doctors as a good thing. If something was wrong or something had happened in the middle of surgery then Gerard was pretty sure that someone would have come to find them to tell them what was going on.

Frank was still asleep when it hit the four-hour mark. Gerard had even dozed off himself at one point due to boredom and the fact that Frank hadn’t moved at all as he continued to sleep. His legs remained draped over the armrest of the sofa while Gerard was still being used as a temporary pillow. Gerard didn’t mind what Frank was doing it all and he couldn’t help it as his own eyes grew heavy and he too fell asleep.

Gerard only slept for a short amount of time before he felt a jab at his side. He frowned, brow furrowing as he felt the light pain again from whoever or whatever was poking him.

Gerard hissed, lifting his head off the top of the sofa, feeling his neck crack because of the awkward position he had briefly slept in. Gerard winced out an  _ ow  _ as he rubbed his neck, only to feel another jabbing prod in his side again.

“Dude,” Frank groaned sleepily, continuing to push his finger into Gerard’s side, “Wake up.”

“Go away,” Gerard grumbled, rubbing his eyes. He wasn’t the happiest of people when he woke up. Gerard hadn’t even meant to fall asleep. He hated napping when he wasn’t meant to be sleeping because it made him grouchy as fuck. Gerard knew that he needed a coffee right now to perk himself up and to make him a little more bearable to be around.

Luckily Gerard had never finished his coffee from earlier. It was still resting on top of a stack of severely outdated magazines that Gerard could reach from where he was sitting. He grabbed the small plastic cup before taking a sip. It was stone cold but it was still good, making Gerard let out a groan as his mood instantly began to melt. That was until he felt the jab of a finger in his side again.

“Stop fucking poking me,” Gerard spoke, looking down at Frank who was rubbing his bleary eyes, attempting to get the sleep out of them.

“Answer your fucking phone then,” Frank told Gerard, looking up at him through sleep-filled vision, “That’s what woke me up about twenty minutes ago. It keeps going off every few minutes.”

Frank sat up, pulling his legs off the armrest, sitting himself up properly as he stretched his back, humming sleepily. The sofa hadn’t been at all that comfy, but at least he had gotten some sleep which was a good thing.

Gerard pulled his phone out of his pocket to check who had been phoning him. Frank had spotted how Gerard still had some coffee left. He needed a coffee right now so Frank just took the plastic cup from Gerard, wincing at the taste of cold, cheap yet overpriced hospital coffee. It was horrible, but coffee was coffee nonetheless.

Frank was the only person that Gerard would let drink his coffee without dying. That was love right there.

But Gerard also didn’t bat an eyelid as Frank downed the last of his cold beverage, gasping in a satisfying way while wiping his top lip dry. Gerard had totally forgotten about something. Or more someone as he saw that he had five missed calls from Ryan.

Gerard looked at the clock on the wall to see that he was currently running forty minutes late for their date. Gerard had totally forgotten about it because of everything that had happened today. He had been so focused on being there for Frank and making sure that he was okay that Ryan had unfortunately been forgotten about. Gerard hadn’t meant to forget about him. It all slipped from his mind as Frank became the more important person out of the two of them because of circumstances.

“Fuck.” Gerard hissed, unable to take his eyes off Ryan’s name on his phone screen. The multiple missed calls making him panic.

Gerard knew that he couldn’t just casually call Ryan back, not when Frank was sat right next to him on the sofa. Gerard had the option to excuse himself, leave the waiting room so he could call Ryan discreetly, but he also knew that Frank would want to know what the phone call was about if the person who had been trying to get in touch with him had been insistent on calling him constantly. Frank would find out everything and Gerard really didn’t want to deal with that right now.

Gerard felt like he had already lied to Frank too much about his sexuality. He knew that he would only end up lying again to cover up the truth since now was not the time to be coming out to Frank, but it still hurt Gerard to think about the fact that the only way he was going to be able to deal with this was with lying to his best friend yet again.

“Who was calling?” Frank asked, trying his best to sneak a look at Gerard’s phone screen.

“Oh,” Gerard stuttered out nervously, locking his phone screen quickly so Frank couldn’t see, pushing the phone back into his pocket in a poor attempt to move on from the fact that he was supposed to be out on a date with Ryan who had kept calling and calling, “It was no one.”   
  
“Really?” Frank frowned, “Your phone kept buzzing a lot while I was trying to wake you up.”   
  
“Honestly, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Gerard insisted.

“But what if that  _ nothing  _ is actually important?”   
  
And just like that, Gerard’s phone began to vibrate yet again in his pocket. He knew who was calling again, probably only wanting to know why their second date wasn’t happening and what on earth was going on.

“Answer your fucking phone, Gee.” Frank pushed, looking at Gerard’s vibrating pocket.

“It’s fine,” Gerard said casually, brushing off the fact that his phone was ringing in his pocket, “I’ll let my voicemail pick it up. They can leave a message.”   
  
“You never check your voicemails,” Frank snorted, “Everyone knows not to leave you a voicemail.”   
  
Except for Ryan of course.

“It’s really not important.”   
  
“Answer you pho-”   
  
Just then, Gerard’s phone stopped vibrating. The incoming call had been diverted to his voicemail.

“Why won’t you answer your phone?” Frank asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Gerard, “You’re being really weird about not answering your phone.”   
  
“It doesn’t matter, honestly.” Gerard shrugged, hoping that Frank wasn’t going to want to know why he wasn’t choosing to answer his phone.

But Frank pushed, wanting to know why Gerard was being so weird about someone who was clearly trying to get in touch with him, “Tell me.”

“No,” Gerard snapped, “Seriously, Frank. It’s nothing. I’ll just turn my phone off.”   
  
“But what if the call is important?”   
  
“Trust me,” Gerard responded, “It’s not.”

“Next time your phone rings,” Frank started, “I’m answering it.”   
  
“No you’re not,” Gerard blurted out as his cheeks grew hot. Frank could not answer his phone. He would speak to Ryan and then he would find out about everything. Ryan would end up outing Gerard without even realising that he was doing it. This could not happen at all and Gerard willed for Ryan to just drop trying to contact him. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to answer so Ryan should have just dropped it and Gerard would have to apologise profusely when he next spoke to him.

But the bad news was that Ryan wasn’t dropping it. Gerard’s phone sprung back into life yet again, vibrating away in his pocket.

“Don’t…” Gerard pointed a warning finger at Frank, but did Frank listen?   
  
No, he didn’t. Within seconds of the small device beginning to ring again, Frank pounced from where he was sitting next to Gerard on the sofa, surprisingly pinning him down with only one hand as Frank climbed over Gerard, his other hand going for the pocket that held the phone.

“Gimme your phone.” Frank huffed out, pinning Gerard’s free hand down against his chest while the other one went to hold his trouser pocket firmly shut so Frank couldn’t worm in and get to his phone.

“No!”

“Then answer it!” Frank grunted when Gerard tried to shift under him, nearly knocking his friend off the sofa. But Frank regained his balance, avoiding Gerard’s knee which came up to push him off. Frank scrambled with one hand for the phone, but Gerard beat him to it, pulling his phone from his pocket, holding it as far away from Frank as possible to stop him from getting his hands on the device.

“No,” Gerard squirmed as Frank shifted, sitting on Gerard’s stomach so he could reach out for the phone. His other hand grabbed Gerard’s wrist and then with quick reflexes, he had Gerard’s phone in his hand, kneeling up and holding the phone above his head so Gerard couldn’t get to it when he attempted to sit up to get it back, “Frank! Don’t!”   
  
But Frank didn’t listen as he hit answer, pressing the phone to his ear. Frank flashed a cheeky smile at Gerard for getting the phone off him. He knew that he would succeed in answering Gerard’s phone like he said he would. It was just that Frank had no idea who he was about to talk to.

Gerard wanted to ground to swallow him whole or have himself combust into nothing but a pile of dust beneath Frank as he feebly tried to get the phone away from his friend’s ear. Frank wasn’t having it though. He merely swatted Gerard’s hands away, leaning back, unaware of the fact that Gerard wished that this moment in time wasn’t happening right now.

“Hello,” Frank answered, winking at Gerard, getting a hold of Gerard’s wrists so he could keep him pinned down, stopping him from trying to get his phone back again and again, “This is Gerard’s phone. Sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now. He is currently unavailable.”   
  
“Frank, please,” Gerard begged, trying to wriggle himself free, but Frank was surprisingly strong and he couldn’t break free from his friend’s tight grip.

Frank was smiling, feeling proud of himself for actually getting the phone from Gerard. But his expression changed almost instantly and Gerard could only assume that Ryan was not happy about the fact that it wasn’t him answering his phone.

“Who the fuck are you? Talking to me like that,” Frank barked down the phone because of the small tirade that he had just had come through the phone.

It was obvious that Ryan was not happy. They were supposed to be out on their second date, but now another man was answering Gerard’s phone. That was a recipe for Ryan thinking that Gerard was cheating on him or using him and of course, the poor man had every right to have a go if he thought the worst of the current situation.

Gerard felt like he couldn’t breathe. He stayed very still, watching Frank so he could try to read his expression so he knew when Ryan had gone and dropped the G bomb over the phone.

“Gerard is unavailable right now…” Frank said more forcefully, the joking tone gone from his voice. He looked mad. Like he wanted to give this caller a piece of his mind and Gerard knew that there was very little he could do to stop this all from happening right now. Even though he tried once more to get his phone back. Frank wasn’t having it now that this person had gone and shouted at him, cursing and accusing him of the most absurd things, “Who am I? That is absolutely none of your business who I am. You do not talk to people like how you have just spoken to me!”   
  
Gerard just hoped and prayed that Ryan would hang up so he wouldn’t end up telling Frank what he didn’t know yet. Then it would be over and Gerard wouldn’t have been outed, even if he knew that he would have to call Ryan back and apologise profusely, explaining everything in an attempt to fix what was currently being damaged.

But with the way Frank’s face contorted with anger, Gerard knew that Ryan wasn’t hanging up anytime soon.

“Do you talk to your mother like that?” Frank snorted out aggressively, “Even if you do, it doesn’t give you the right to talk to me like that you little shit.”   
  
“Frank, please!” Gerard pleaded, trying to wriggle out from underneath Frank, but it appeared that his attempt to escape and grab his phone back was too late when Frank’s face screwed up with utter confusion.

“Boyfriend?” Frank stuttered out with a chuckle, “Honey, I think you’ll find that Gerard has a girlfriend.”   
  
“Fuck,” Gerard groaned, pinching his eyes shut tightly. It was happening right now and there was very little that he could do to stop it. Ryan was dragging him out of the closet, metaphorically kicking and screaming. Frank was not supposed to find out like this.

Frank laughed dryly before responding to Ryan, “Gerard’s not gay.”   
  
The world inside the waiting room screeched to an abrupt halt as Gerard finally freed himself from Frank’s grip, grabbing his phone back before ending the call and hiding his phone back inside his trouser pocket.

“I told you not to answer my phone!” Gerard snapped crossly, his whole face feeling like it was burning up before he groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Frank just looked at Gerard, completely confused until it all started to slowly sink in.

“Gerard…” Frank mumbled out, watching Gerard’s chest rise and fall rapidly. Gerard felt like he was panicking. The waiting room suddenly felt too small for him. He needed air. Gerard needed Frank to get off him so that he could run and hide away from him, “Are...are you gay?”   
  
“Get off, Frank,” Gerard spoke as calmly as he could, even though inside he wasn’t calm at all. Ryan had outed him unintentionally and now Frank knew. The only thing that resided in Gerard right now was complete and utter fear.

“Gerard, please. Just answer-”   
  
“I said get off, Frank!” Gerard snapped. His voice was laced with fear as he ripped his hands away from his face and looked right at Frank. Frank nodded, looking confused before he shifted, giving Gerard space to move. He did move, tugging his legs out from underneath Frank before getting up and bolting out of the waiting room.

Frank knew and now all that Gerard knew to do was to run away and hide while he tried to figure out how he was going to deal with the fact that Frank now knew the secret that he had been hiding from him for so long.

\---

Gerard found himself in the corner of the hospital’s car park, chain-smoking, ignoring all the no-smoking signs that he had walked passed to get to where he was hiding. Gerard didn’t give a fuck about the hospital’s no smoking policy. He needed a smoke or several to calm down so he could figure out what the fuck he was going to do with the situation that he had been put in the middle of.

Gerard knew that he was gay. That much was blatantly obvious. But now Frank knew that he was gay. This was a mess and Gerard really didn’t want to deal with any of this right now.

Ryan had texted him shortly after leaving Frank in the waiting room by himself. Ryan had said that he didn't want to talk to Gerard, half expecting some watery excuse as to why he had ditched him and more than likely used him. Of course, Ryan had believed what Frank had said. Ryan had ended up believing that Gerard had a girlfriend, but that was only because Gerard had never gotten around to explaining how he was still in the closet. Not that he was anymore and it wasn't even like it mattered anymore. Ryan had gone and assumed the worse. Plus the fact that another man answered Gerard’s phone, it really didn’t look at all good and right now Gerard didn't even have the energy to consider explaining the whole mess to Ryan.

It was too late for that anyway. Ryan had outed him and had also told Gerard in a text that he never wanted to see or hear from him again. He didn’t want any of Gerard’s excuses and he was apparently no longer welcome in his local Starbucks.

That was a bummer in Gerard’s eyes.

But even after that, Gerard was more concerned about what Frank was thinking of him right now. He didn’t care about the fact that he wasn’t allowed in a shop. He could easily find himself another coffee shop to get his morning lattes from. He cared more about what his best friend was thinking of him and his sexuality right now. Frank probably had questions. So many questions that he wanted to ask Gerard. The problem was that Gerard didn’t know if he was ready to answer any of Franks questions, but he also knew that he would be able to hide from Frank and his questions forever. He was going to have to face him sooner rather than later. Sooner being the one that Gerard was worried about because of the fact that he was with Frank at the hospital. Gerard didn’t want to ignore him and he most certainly didn’t want to desert Frank when he needed him the most. Gerard just knew that he was going to have to bite the bullet. Grow some metaphorical balls and just face Frank. Tell him the truth that he deserved. No more lying to him.

Gerard stubbed out his fourth cigarette under his shoe as he stood in the darkened corner of the car park, preparing himself to go and find Frank. Gerard was trying to be as ready as he could be to go and just be honest with Frank. He knew that he had to do this. He felt bad for running away from Frank over half an hour ago, but he had needed to calm down. Gerard had needed some time to think and process the fact that the truth was now out there before he could even face Frank again.

The thing was, as Gerard started to come out of his hiding spot in the corner of the car park, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Gerard knew that it wouldn’t be Ryan trying to call him. That ship had sailed. Gerard knew exactly who would be calling him, even as he pulled his phone from his trouser pocket.

Frank.

“Hey,” Gerard answered nervously once he had picked up the call.

“Hey,” Frank mimicked back down the phone, sounding not quite as nervous as Gerard was, but there was definitely something in the tone of his voice, “Where are you? I can’t find you anywhere.”   
  
Gerard looked towards the hospital and there he was. Frank was stood outside the entrance of the hospital, bathed in the light from the oversized building.

“I can see you,” Gerard told Frank, waving weakly towards him from where he was standing in the car park.

Frank looked around, searching for him before he spotted Gerard and waved back.

“I just wondered if you wanted to talk,” Frank said down the phone, “Look, if you don’t want to then I’m totally okay with that-”   
  
“I need to talk,” Gerard interjected with confidence that he didn’t know that he had right now, “You need to know. I don’t want to hide this from you anymore.”   
  
“Okay. I’ll come over if you want to smoke.”   


“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, smiling weakly. He assumed that if Frank was going to blow up about this news then he would have done it already. He hadn’t and Gerard was taking that as a good sign, “That would be nice.”   


“Okay. I’m coming,” Frank replied before the line went dead. Gerard drew in a shaky breath as he watched Frank walking towards him, stuffing his hands in jeans pockets as he made his way over.

This was it. Gerard was going to tell Frank the truth. He felt like the nerves had somewhat dissipated thanks to Ryan and him already saying something to Frank about his sexuality, but Gerard still felt some nerves as he watched Frank getting closer and closer to him.

“Hey,” Frank smiled once he joined Gerard near where he had been hiding.

“Hey,” Gerard said back, making brief eye contact with Frank before looking down at his shoes because that was easier to do than keeping eye contact with his best friend who could easily have been judging him right now.

“So…” Frank said, not really knowing what to say to Gerard. He knew what he had heard, but this was Gerard’s thing so he wanted to hear it from the man himself.

“Please don’t hate me.” Was the first thing that Gerard blurted out. The combination of fear and nerves that were taking over Gerard now were somewhat overwhelming. He had played his coming out to Frank speech in his head over and over again so many times. When he imagined Franks reaction, he wanted his friend to take the news well, but he also imagined Frank reacting badly. He didn’t want Frank reacting badly to this news at all, and that was what Gerard feared the most because what if that was how it was supposed to go. Frank was supposed to react badly and there was never going to be any other outcome to this situation.

“Why would I hate you?” Frank chuckled, looking at Gerard, “You’re my best friend. I would never hate you.”   
  
“I’ve played this moment over and over again so many times in my head...and I’ve pictured you not taking the news well,” Gerard admitted while he decided that he did, in fact, need another cigarette right now. Keep him calm while he spoke to Frank.

“I would never react badly,” Frank reassured Gerard with a smile. A smile that calmed Gerard’s nerves to a degree, “But is it true? What that Ryan guy said to me on the phone?”   
  
Gerard nodded, lighting his cigarette, “Yeah. It’s true.”   
  
“Okay,” Frank nodded, processing everything, “So...you’re gay?”   
  
“As a rainbow,” Gerard answered, making Frank smirk at what he said.

“For how long?”   
  
“For as long as I can remember.”   
  
Frank’s eyes went wide at that before he spoke, “Why didn’t you tell me when you knew?”   
  
“Because I was scared that you would judge me,” Gerard said honestly before taking a drag on his cigarette.

“You’re my best friend. I would never judge you.”   
  
“I wanted to tell you in college. I really did,” Gerard started, “But you used to make fun of that guy who had a boyfriend. Do you remember? The English Literature student.”   
  
“Henry Gilmorgan,” Frank nodded, remembering, “Fuck...I used to call him Henry Gaymorgan…”   
  
“Now can you understand why I was so nervous about coming out to you back then?” Gerard continued, “I was scared that you would judge me or end up calling me Gerard Gay or something like that.”   
  
“I was a prick back in college. I am fully aware of that,” Frank said honestly as he watched Gerard smoke, “But I grew the fuck up once we left college. You could have told me then. Why didn’t you tell me then?”   
  
“Fear,” Gerard sighed, “I just kept remembering how you treated Henry back in college and it always made me scared to tell you. Every time I had a date or a relationship...it just became easier to tell you a girls name instead of the guy I was actually seeing.”   
  
“Makes sense why your date with Lindsey didn’t work out now,” Frank laughed dryly, “You know I’m cool with this, right?”   
  
“Really?”   
  
“Of course,” Frank smiled, “Gee...you’re gay and I promise you that I will never judge you for that. Fuck, you could be attracted to toasters and I would be okay with that. A little confused at first, but seriously, if you were into toasters, I would buy you fifty toasters just to make you happy.”

“Why toasters?” Gerard laughed.

“I dunno,” Frank shrugged, “I’m just trying to make a point. I’m okay with you being gay.”

“Good,” Gerard smiled as Frank pulled him into a hug. Gerard felt relief wash over him as Frank hugged him tightly. Frank was okay with him being gay. That was all Gerard had ever wanted, “I’m really glad.”

Amongst other things that involved Frank, but now was not the time to be thinking about that.

“This doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with me? Does it?” Frank raised an eyebrow at Gerard when he pulled away from their hug.

“What?” Gerard choked out, lying through his teeth, “Of course not!”   
  
“Good. I just wondered-”   
  
“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I want to have sex with you.” Gerard blushed brightly, lying again.

“I know I’m hot,” Frank smirked, “But I’m straight.”   
  
“Your ass is safe.” Gerard lied yet again as he tried to control the fact that his cheeks all of a sudden felt abnormally hot. Given the conversation, he thought that he would have had better control over himself, but clearly not when the topics of Frank and sex finally mingled into one another.

If only Frank knew.

Gerard finished his cigarette as Franks phone started to ring. Frank practically jumped as he grabbed his phone from his pocket. Gerard looked at Frank confused before he explained, “I didn’t know how long I was going to be looking for you so I gave one of the doctors my number just in case.”   
  
“Answer then!” Gerard nudged Frank, hoping that this was the news that Frank was desperate to hear. That is father was okay and out of surgery. Frank nodded. He really did hope that this call was going to be exactly what he wanted to hear right now.

“Hello? Yeah, that’s me. Is my dad out of- oh. Okay...yeah, I’ll be right back,” Frank spoke nervously before ending the call, looking at Gerard while he clutched his phone tightly in his hand, “They didn’t say that dad’s out of surgery. Just that they...they want to talk to me.”

“Well, we better get back then,” Gerard said, starting to make his way back towards the hospital.

“Yeah,” Frank nodded, following behind Gerard, “I hope he’s okay.”   
  
“He’s an Iero. A fighter. He’ll be fine.” Gerard reassured Frank.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Frank smiled weakly as the two of them started to make their way back to the cardiology department, wondering what was going to be said to them once they were back.


End file.
